Man, I Loved that show.
Some good quotes-
Jay Sherman: Lady, don't take this the wrong way, but you're nuts!
Old Lady: Oh, you sound just like the toaster
Duke Phillips: Why the hell do you have to be so critical?
Jay Sherman: I'm a critic.
Duke Phillips: No, your job is to rate movies on a scale from "good" to "excellent".
Jay Sherman: What if I don't like them?
Duke Phillips: That's what "good" is for.
Jay Sherman: Mom. Dad. I never made you laugh.
Franklin: Well, I did chuckle a bit when you tried to eat that bird and fell over the cliff.
Eleanor: No Franklin, that was the Roadrunner.
Jay Sherman: No, that was me.
Duke Phillips: Thank you, Jay. After I die, you can eat my brain. It will give you power.
[Jay gets struck in the head with a shotput.]
Jay Sherman: Skull cracked. Brains leaking out. Can't wait to see new Chevy Chase movie...
Jay Sherman: Don't worry son, if you think that only handsome musicians can get beautiful women, I have two words for you: Lyle Lovett.
Marty Sherman: I thought that he was handsome.
Jay Sherman: You're thinking of Jon Lovitz. With his good looks, he takes the cake.
Judge: Mr. Phillips, please answer the question!
Duke Phillips: All right! Yes, I sold the mustard gas to Qaddafi!
Judge: What?
Duke Phillips: Uh... mustard... gives me gas, as does taffy.
Judge: I have the same problem with fresh fruit.
Duke Phillips: Gaze into the power of my evil eye.
[Eye flashes]
Duke Phillips: Any more questions?
Reporter: [hypnotized] How may I serve you, evil one?
Jay Sherman: [finishing a movie review] and that's why Goldie Hawn should be shot!
[Doris is dragging Sherman down the stairs.]
Doris: Let me know if you're suffering any brain damage...
Jay Sherman: [falsetto] Dance with me, Tony! Dance with me!
Doris: You're fine.
Jay Sherman: You're old enough to be my mother.
Doris: So? You're fat enough to be my car
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