JANUARY
RAW [1-2-2006]
Impeccable:
Vince: What the hell? Did that thing just wink at me?
Xero Limit 126:
Donkey Kong finally gets wise and steals Mario's mallet.
Chloe (thinking): Who's leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here!?
WWE Presents Romeo and Juliet.
legend:
Show: This is what happens when you masterbate too much
Innovator:
Kane: And now to find out who really did screw Bret Hart!
*rips off head*
Kane: I knew it! Blood Hose did it!
Savior:
Lawler: Look a quarter!
Kane Knight:
See, this is why you should always start with the basics. It was nice of John Cena to teach retarded kids to wrestle, but he should have known not to start with the superkick.
"Not the mama!"
"Raw hasn't been the same since JR left. I mean, look at this! nobody can fill this ass indent."
Hunter was mesmerised by "Sock-Puppet Dinner Theater."
"...And she was clawing at the walls like this, screaming 'ride me, Hunter!' And you can expect a new installment every week until I am once agian champion."
This would be a greater contorversy than Montreal. It turns out that Vince replaced Shawn's "hair spray" with whipped cream.
Victoria: Maria...
Maria: Yes?
Victoria: Is that roll of quarters in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?
Maria: ...I'm happy to see you.
Victoria: ...
"Oh my God...Is that?"
"It feels like...Cottage Cheese!"
I don't know which part was funnier. The fact that Lita botched intercourse, or that Flair didn't seem to notice the difference.
Mama: Once you go black, you'll never go back...
Shelton: Is that why Haas has resigned?
Mama: ...
Furthering the racist direction of the Shelton Benjamin character, Shelton called upon Voodoo spirits to shrink Chris' head.
Helms' attempt to call the King a homo took a surprising turn, as King slowly took the finger into his mouth, slowly sucking...
Corkscrewed:
What Daivari didn't know was that Cena could call upon the attack ticks that lived on his right shoulder to swarm his opponents at will.
You know WWE programming is bad when even the superstars are trying to destroy the TV.
You know the WWE's new drug policy ain't working when even Mr. Socko shows up to work seriously over-roided.
VINCE: "Is it... talking???"
LITA: Oh no! I left the oven on!!!
Mickie James' new role as FCC Censor was not so hotly received.
WWE Films presents: Alfred Hitchkcock's LEZBO PSYCHO!!!
MAMA: "Hold on, you got some lettuce stuck in your teeth."
SHELTON: "MOM!!!"
The WWE reached new lows when they re-enacted the Rodney King beating.
just john:
The year is 1942 and still no-one gives a crap about rap.
FourFifty:
Daviri: I’m kicking him because he’s American!
Carlito: I’m kicking him because he’s not cool!
Masters: I’m kicking him because he’s a no talent hack!
Angle: And that’s why I’m about to kick you.
It’s one thing for someone to post a “kick me” sign on your back, but another thing for someone to post a Prussian guy screaming “KICK ME” on your back.
To kick off the new year, the new Raw announce team
From left to right- Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Jonathan Coachman, Stevie Richards, and Phil.
That was mah sammichin’ hand… SAMMICHIN’ HAND!!!!!!”
HBK: ‘scuse me, sir, do you know where my smile went?
Vince: That-a-way!
Vince: I’d hit it… I might even PAY for it!
*
And now, a glimpse into their minds…*
Candice: …
*chirp chirp, chirp chirp*
Torrie: At the tone, please leave a message. BEEEEEP…….
Chole: Oh god, you take ONE dump in Vince’s shoe, and this is what you get? I’ve said I’m sorry, I sent him a fruit basket, and I’m STILL stuck here… could be worse, I guess… He could have made me a cruiserweight on SmackDown.
Empowered by the soul of Big Vis, Edge has a sudden and strange urge to eat the microphone.
Mama: Mama didn’t raise no homo!
Shelton: Then stop calling me a homo!
Mama: Stop watchin’ dat “queer eye” show!
Vince HAD to raise the bar when it came to toilet humor by saying he had to go “number three”
Lock Jaw:
...Rosebud.....
Cena: Retard attack! Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrr.
Daivari: Get away!
MY HAND IS A CHEF AND IT MAKES MY FOOD!!
Show thought HHH was holding an animal cage and tried to smash it open so that he may feast on the creature inside.
Vince tried to distract Shawn as he sprouted another limb.
Vince: What's I gots in my pocketses?