RAW [1-9-2006] (Continued)
Vastardikai:
Micheals notices that Kurt kind of looks like a Bald Al Franken...
Gregory Helms wasn't happy when he saw Kurt bust out the Vertebreaker on Carlito...
Kurt, for some reason, doesn't want to re-enact the WWE version of "Brokeback Mountain" with Shawn...
Masters: He's stepping.... on... my... foot!
Val: Can you autograph my ass! I loved you in that one show!
Shelton's Mama: Sure thing, Val, bend over!
Kane's tandem Goozle/Atomic Wedgie is devastating!
*Mickie holds the mic to her ear.*
Mickie: Why can't I hear myself talk?
Mickie does a spot-on Kane impression.
parkmania:
HBK was amazed at Kurt's "Gammy Num-nums" immitation.
Here we see the first time the WWE 24/7 sign was used as a weapon.
Val really should have waited until the stitching on his tights was complete.
In a move that noone could have predicted, Kelly Clarkson was given a shot at the women's title.
BlackDawn2024:
Man, only Shawn could calculate the exact wind pressure in mid-air to make his elbow drop perfect.
Kane Knight:
In an attempt to piss off the smarks even more, Vince decided to make Lita the undisputed champion.
Masters: You're a homo!
Carlito: Would you please take your hand off my thigh? Das not cool.
Angered at Michaels' pious nature, Masters demands God take him back.
"Okay, but just a quick one. And only because it means we don't job to Masters."
Shelton's mom was so helpful, correcting the misspelling of "Venus."
Shelton: Mom, why'd you bring your bag to the ring?
Mama: I heard That young Orton kid was backstage.
"Ref, tell him to stop hanging onto the glass ceiling!"
Trish regretted lending a hand. How did someone misplace a TAMPON?
"Okay, who took my pants?"
SmackDown! [1-13-2006]
Cool King:
SmackDown! Roster: *Gasps* Talent!
The SmackDown! writing team were at a stereotyping all time low, by making Booker T shoot and kill Benoit to win the U.S Title.
Xero Limit 126:
Rey helped wrangle the poor, helpless, lost walrus.
PorkSoda:
Smackdown's Live Sex Celebration didn't bring in good ratings either.
parkmania:
Kurt: Man, who farted?
JBL: He who smelt it dealt it.
Damn, Angle's hung like an elephant. It's even the right color.
Kane Knight:
Contrary to JR's claim, this title
was made of chocolate.
Kurt: I thought you dropped the Nazi gimmick, John?
This 619 backfired when Henry began to chow down on Rey's leg.
Generic Longhair 1: Can I have a turn?
Generic Longhair 2: You've had yours.
Generic Longhair 1: No I didn't. You always cheat on
blow the midget.
Henry: You're a homo!
LAshley: Did someone say Hodown?
Kirk: Beam me up, Scotty!
In an attempt to one-up the boogeyman, Booker bites the head off a snake.
Though primitive, the chieftan understands sensuality well. He opts for the facial growth region, a highly erogenous zone only recently discovered by medical science.
Corkscrewed:
BATISTA: "I'm sorry I can't be there to defend my belt for you and the brand."
LONG: "And I'm sorry I had Mark Henry shoot you in the ass."
BATISTA:
WHAT?!
KURT: I'm a fricking Olympic medal winner. Why the hell am I the last one to be picked on a team????
Tragedy struck when Ric Flair told Mark Henry there was a sandwich in Rey's crotch too.
LASHLEY: "What the...?"
BUM ON RIGHT: "I'm you from the future, and I'm telling you to get out of wrestling now before you get pushed to the WWE Championship, then get screwed out of making any sort of living because of a stupid 10 year no compete clause and wind up living homeless out on the street!!!!!"
To celebrate his victory, Kurt had Captain America disintegrated.
After realizing Orton had seen the Edge/Lita sex tape, Benoit knew he had to prevent Randy from vomiting in any way he could.
Here we see some of the perks that inspired a young Darth Maul to join the Dark Side of the Force.
Impact!:
In more WWE stereotypical characters, Teddy Long steals Batista's belt while hugging him.
The smacdown roster couldnt believe it, Kurt had finally slain the Giant in black boots.
The belt was stuck atop the glass ceiling, and there was no way in hell Booker was letting go.