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**NeanderCarl** · 06-01-2006, 08:41 PM

APRIL

Complete WrestleMania XXII March 23rd Report:

-------------------------------------------------

* Hellfyre pinned Dirt Byke Kid for the Light Heavyweight title, when Oscar Junior destroyed the Kid with the belt. Junior and Hellfyre then hugged, revealing that this was their plan fron the start. The fans were incensed, and booed the dastardly duo out of the building. As they left, fans threw rubbish at them, and one fan threw a washing machine, which hit Junior on the nose.

* Devon Storm pinned Brian Christopher with the Stormtrooper Suplex.

* Cancer captured the tag team titles from The Lo Down when Hardcore Holly walked away after a collision with D'Lo Brown. Test then Rocket Launched Scott Taylor onto D'Lo with their new finisher, shockingly titled the 'Tumour'. The WWF is sick, sick, sick.

* Al Snow pinned Triple H in a good brawl, which ended in a derelict building near the arena, when Snow hit the Snow Plough on to a pane of glass, actually cleanly slicing off Triple H's oversized nose.

* Slyme of the Mucky Pupz pinned partner Fylth with a superplex jackhammer in a pointless bonus match.

* In another bonus match, The Hardy Boyz defeated The Big Time Drinkers

* In a real surprise, Mark Henry beat The Undertaker, throwing him down the Pit. After the match, Henry "sacrificed himself"' for his "master'" The Undertaker, jumping down the pit himself. Undertaker and Henry then clambered out and kissed, and blood squirted out from between their lips. I hate The Undertaker.

* Val Venis pinned Edge with a Money Shot, but not before turning heel on Devon Storm who accompanied him, with Edge turning face by helping Storm.

* In another unexpected result, Chris Jericho actually beat Steve Austin, albeit by DQ when Austin slammed the Smoking Skull Belt across Jericho's head. Austin then told the world he was going to be the WWF Champion before the end of the year. The groggy Jericho reacted by laughing, and got the Stone Cold Stunner for his guffaws.

* The Rock captured the WWF Title from Paul Wight with a crappy Rock Bottom in a stinker, completely dragged down by Wight, who broke his knee the previous day, and was fighting in tremendous pain.

* TOURNAMENT; ROUND ONE:
* Big Bossman .vs. King Darren Drozdov: Droz was "p*ssed off" at Austin stealing his title match, and destroyed The Bossman, with the Drozdriver.
* X-Pac .vs. The Blue Meanie: X-Pac held the weight advantage, and it led to a Big Splash victory over the cruiserweight Meanie.
* Goldust .vs. Macho Man Randy Savage: Savage persevered with a flying elbowdrop victory.
* Hulk Hogan .vs. Little Christopher: Hogan was pinned in under twenty seconds, after a clothesline knocked the old guy senseless.
* Terry Funk .vs. Magnificent Michael Cole: Michael Cole pulled off the upset victory, with a stunning Shooting Star Press from the top rope.
* Marc Mero .vs. The Fallen Angel Christopher Daniels: Daniels pinned Mero with the Lavaflow.
* Layabout Layfield .vs. The Mailman: Layfield, who wrestled drunk in a urine-stained brown overcoat, succumbed to The Mailman's 'Knock'.
* Gangrel .vs. Animal: Gangrel, who as predicted didn't quit the WWF, rolled-up Animal who was too shaky to wrestle.

* ROUND TWO:
* Droz pinned X-Pac with an ugly looking Drozdriver
* Little Christopher exhausted Randy Savage in a couple of minutes and pinned him with a Haymaker punch.
* Michael Cole overcame the challenge of The Fallen Angel
* The Mailman posted Gangrel, and then went "for a kip, 'cos I was up early this mornin' deliverin' the goddamned mail!"

* SEMI FINALS:
*Droz pinned Little Christopher with a third Drozdriver in a thriller.
* Michael Cole handed Dr. Death. his first loss since he became The Mailman. Mailman, fair play, had only just woken up.

* FINALS
* Michael Cole defeated Droz with an impressive Tiger Bomb in a fantastic match.

Finally, in the second main event, Michael Cole defeated The Rock with a spectacular Twisting Firebomb 360 Suicide Splash. Maivia stood no chance. Michael Cole is your WWF World Champion and deservedly so.

-----------------------------------------

In highlights from Impact;

March 24th:

Animal, who is now shockingly known as Animal Parkinson, and suffers allegedy from Parkinson's Disease as we joked last issue, defeated The Godfather with "the Mover and Shaker". The WWF is obscene.... Michael Cole proclaimed himself the "greatest wrestler to ever walk the face of the planet Earth". A green wrestler then lowerered down from the rafters, claiming to be from the planet Mars. He challenged Cole to an Intergalactic match in the main event, and called himself The Martian Mauler. Cole accepted.... Footage was shown of a spaceship on top of the arena..... Paul Wight cried and promised his many fans that he'd never lose again. He then lost to Droz... Steve Austin was shown breaking into The White House and putting The Stone Cold Stunner on President Clinton... Val Venis threw Edge and Devon Storm into the boot of his car, took them down the beach and drove into the sea.... The Big Bossman held a heart-warming tribute to the late One Man Gang by burning a large photo of him... In the Main Event, Cole destroyed the alien.

March 31st:

The Godfather described how he hadn't slept a wink for seven years because he was so worried about his hair being chopped off as he snoozed. He was then attacked by Layabout Layfield, who took a scissors and cut off The Godfather's flowing blond locks.... Michael Cole stated that there was no-body up to meeting his challenge, and that if the mystery opponent at Huntdown wasn't up to standard, he would retire unbeaten champion... The Chauffeur (a repackaged Dustin 'Goldust' Runnels) beat Marc Mero... The Big Bossman attacked One Man Gang's widow with a nightstick, "for a laugh"... Val Venis promised that whoever got in his way would end up dead in the sea.... Steve Austin broke into the Playboy Mansion and Stunnered boss Hugh Hefner.... In the main event, Al Snow pinned Paul Wight, who fell head first, over the ropes, onto the floor, knocking himself and the front row of the audience unconscious.

April 7th:

The Godfather vowed revenge on Layfield, then stole Layfield's wallet..... The Mailman destroyed The Chauffeur.... Layfield went wild in a wine store when he discovered his wallet missing as he tried to buy alcohol. He smashed up all the bottles on the shelf, and nailed the owner with 'The Drunken Stopout' manouevre... Michael Cole promised fans that Steve Austin would not be his opponent at Huntdown, "because Austin can't cut the mustard".... Austin broke into the set of TV cookery show Ready Steady Cook, and cut up some mustard, before nailing Ainsley Harriot with a Stunner.... Layfield began crying and shaking after going Cold Turkey without a beverage for twenty minutes. The Godfather found this hilarious, and almost choked to death on a piece of hot dog as he revelled in the mirth of the situation.... Steve Regal, repackaged as a garlic salesman under the name The Fightin' Frenchman returned, beating X-Pac in a Handcuffs Match.... Layfield found some vodka in referee Earl Hebner's dressing room and downed it in one gulp. Refreshed, he then set off to beat up The Godfather... After the break, as ambulancemen loaded the breathless Godfather into an ambulance on a life support machine, Layfield attacked him with a radiator, and smashed his ankle...Val Venis threw D'Lo Brown off a cliff in Al Snow's camper van... As Layfield celebrated Godfather's injury, the wine store owner arrived at the arena and had Layfield arrested.... Main Event, and Michael Cole overcame Al Snow, The Rock, Paul Wight and Droz in a Five Corners match, pinning Droz.

April 14th:

The hype for Huntdown began with Scott Taylor of Cancer battling Mark Henry to a double DQ, then Test of Cancer battling The Undertaker to another double DQ. Both teams then brawled with each other back down the aisle, in the locker room, and out on to the streets... The Mailman destroyed The Frenchman, and Regal threw his garlic to the floor in disgrace, dissing the gimmick. He was later fired.... As The Undertaker and Mark Henry downed some beers at a bar, Cancer coincidentally walked in. There was a lot of tension until Mark Henry made some unnecessary remarks about Test's mother, which began another brawl which resulted in all four men being barred from the pub.... Jericho was attacked by Mailman after downing The Fallen Angel.... Val boasted about D'Lo Brown being the latest death on his hitlist, but D'Lo's "ghost" attacked him from behind.... The Godfather spiked Layabout Layfield's bottle of whiskey with absinthe.... Little Christopher attacked former Brood teammate Gangrel after Gangrel pinned Hardcore Holly..... Hellfyre and Oscar Junior protested for a Light Heavyweight Tag Team Title to be formed... Layfield was rushed to hospital to have his stomach pumped after downing a bottle of absinthe in one swig.... Michael Cole ordered Steve Austin's arrest, when Austin broke into 10 Downing Street and Stunnered Cherie Blair... The Rock slapped Paul Wight's broken knee with a large haddock, causing Wight great distress.... Vince McMahon returned to the cameras after a long rest, with the news that Steve Austin would be the guest referee at Huntdown, ruling out the possibility that Austin was the mystery opponent.... The Godfather pinned Paul Wight after more interference from The Rock.... Michael Cole was attacked by a familiar looking masked man, obviously the Huntdown mystery opponent.

The current line up for the next In Your House event, Huntdown: WWF Champion Michael Cole .vs. Mystery Opponent; I-C Champ Chris Jericho .vs. The Mailman; The Godfather.vs. Layabout Layfield; Animal Parkinson .vs. Droz; Mark Henry and The Undertaker .vs. Cancer for the Tag Team Titles; Paul Wight .vs. The Rock in a Loser Suspended For A Month match. (I expect Wight to lose, so that he can heal his broken knee) and Val Venis .vs. The Ghost Of D'Lo Brown.

IN OTHER NEWS: Val Venis (Sean Morely) was charged with two counts of murder when he drove Adam Copeland and Chris Ford , better known as WWF superstars Edge and Devon Storm, into the sea during an edition of Impact. Copeland and Ford's bodies were dragged up in the Florida Everglades, ironically by former WWF wrestler Skinner. Venis was ordered to say "sorry" to Copeland and Ford's bereaved family, and pay a $50 fine... Bill Goldberg decided not to sign up with the WWF after all, and accepted an offer from UK show EastEnders to take over the role of Grant Mitchell.... The WWF will pay tribute to Jim Neidhart by never mentioning his name ever again on television.... Rumour has it that former Friends star Matthew Perry has expressed interest in becoming a WWF commentator..... Former WWF manager Mr. Fuji was arrested for prostitution in early April.... The WWF is doing everything to try and get legends Haku and The Barbarian to return. Haku (Uliuli Fifita) and Barbarian (Sionne Vaihali) have had great success during their long careers... Vince McMahon may not return to our screens full time, but may return to the commentary booth... Jim Ross may retire after the King Of The Ring, set for June.... In quick WCW news; Hacksaw Jim Duggan captured the WCW World Title from Norman Smiley in late March. Also, the flagship WCW show Monday Nitro has been axed for hideous ratings, relegating WCW to a late Saturday Night TV slot. Ever since Hulk Hogan moved to the WWF as part of a semi-retirement plan, WCW has lost millions of viewers and is even losing in the ratings to old USWA repeats.... Finally, Howard Finkel had a hair transplant in early April, and it all fell out the following day. The Fink has since been diagnosed with depression.

06-01-2006, 08:41 PM	#2
NeanderCarl That's Not My Name Posts: 9,086	APRIL Complete WrestleMania XXII March 23rd Report: ------------------------------------------------- * Hellfyre pinned Dirt Byke Kid for the Light Heavyweight title, when Oscar Junior destroyed the Kid with the belt. Junior and Hellfyre then hugged, revealing that this was their plan fron the start. The fans were incensed, and booed the dastardly duo out of the building. As they left, fans threw rubbish at them, and one fan threw a washing machine, which hit Junior on the nose. * Devon Storm pinned Brian Christopher with the Stormtrooper Suplex. * Cancer captured the tag team titles from The Lo Down when Hardcore Holly walked away after a collision with D'Lo Brown. Test then Rocket Launched Scott Taylor onto D'Lo with their new finisher, shockingly titled the 'Tumour'. The WWF is sick, sick, sick. * Al Snow pinned Triple H in a good brawl, which ended in a derelict building near the arena, when Snow hit the Snow Plough on to a pane of glass, actually cleanly slicing off Triple H's oversized nose. * Slyme of the Mucky Pupz pinned partner Fylth with a superplex jackhammer in a pointless bonus match. * In another bonus match, The Hardy Boyz defeated The Big Time Drinkers * In a real surprise, Mark Henry beat The Undertaker, throwing him down the Pit. After the match, Henry "sacrificed himself"' for his "master'" The Undertaker, jumping down the pit himself. Undertaker and Henry then clambered out and kissed, and blood squirted out from between their lips. I hate The Undertaker. * Val Venis pinned Edge with a Money Shot, but not before turning heel on Devon Storm who accompanied him, with Edge turning face by helping Storm. * In another unexpected result, Chris Jericho actually beat Steve Austin, albeit by DQ when Austin slammed the Smoking Skull Belt across Jericho's head. Austin then told the world he was going to be the WWF Champion before the end of the year. The groggy Jericho reacted by laughing, and got the Stone Cold Stunner for his guffaws. * The Rock captured the WWF Title from Paul Wight with a crappy Rock Bottom in a stinker, completely dragged down by Wight, who broke his knee the previous day, and was fighting in tremendous pain. * TOURNAMENT; ROUND ONE: * Big Bossman .vs. King Darren Drozdov: Droz was "pssed off" at Austin stealing his title match, and destroyed The Bossman, with the Drozdriver. X-Pac .vs. The Blue Meanie: X-Pac held the weight advantage, and it led to a Big Splash victory over the cruiserweight Meanie. * Goldust .vs. Macho Man Randy Savage: Savage persevered with a flying elbowdrop victory. * Hulk Hogan .vs. Little Christopher: Hogan was pinned in under twenty seconds, after a clothesline knocked the old guy senseless. * Terry Funk .vs. Magnificent Michael Cole: Michael Cole pulled off the upset victory, with a stunning Shooting Star Press from the top rope. * Marc Mero .vs. The Fallen Angel Christopher Daniels: Daniels pinned Mero with the Lavaflow. * Layabout Layfield .vs. The Mailman: Layfield, who wrestled drunk in a urine-stained brown overcoat, succumbed to The Mailman's 'Knock'. * Gangrel .vs. Animal: Gangrel, who as predicted didn't quit the WWF, rolled-up Animal who was too shaky to wrestle. * ROUND TWO: * Droz pinned X-Pac with an ugly looking Drozdriver * Little Christopher exhausted Randy Savage in a couple of minutes and pinned him with a Haymaker punch. * Michael Cole overcame the challenge of The Fallen Angel * The Mailman posted Gangrel, and then went "for a kip, 'cos I was up early this mornin' deliverin' the goddamned mail!" * SEMI FINALS: Droz pinned Little Christopher with a third Drozdriver in a thriller. Michael Cole handed Dr. Death. his first loss since he became The Mailman. Mailman, fair play, had only just woken up. * FINALS * Michael Cole defeated Droz with an impressive Tiger Bomb in a fantastic match. Finally, in the second main event, Michael Cole defeated The Rock with a spectacular Twisting Firebomb 360 Suicide Splash. Maivia stood no chance. Michael Cole is your WWF World Champion and deservedly so. ----------------------------------------- In highlights from Impact; March 24th: Animal, who is now shockingly known as Animal Parkinson, and suffers allegedy from Parkinson's Disease as we joked last issue, defeated The Godfather with "the Mover and Shaker". The WWF is obscene.... Michael Cole proclaimed himself the "greatest wrestler to ever walk the face of the planet Earth". A green wrestler then lowerered down from the rafters, claiming to be from the planet Mars. He challenged Cole to an Intergalactic match in the main event, and called himself The Martian Mauler. Cole accepted.... Footage was shown of a spaceship on top of the arena..... Paul Wight cried and promised his many fans that he'd never lose again. He then lost to Droz... Steve Austin was shown breaking into The White House and putting The Stone Cold Stunner on President Clinton... Val Venis threw Edge and Devon Storm into the boot of his car, took them down the beach and drove into the sea.... The Big Bossman held a heart-warming tribute to the late One Man Gang by burning a large photo of him... In the Main Event, Cole destroyed the alien. March 31st: The Godfather described how he hadn't slept a wink for seven years because he was so worried about his hair being chopped off as he snoozed. He was then attacked by Layabout Layfield, who took a scissors and cut off The Godfather's flowing blond locks.... Michael Cole stated that there was no-body up to meeting his challenge, and that if the mystery opponent at Huntdown wasn't up to standard, he would retire unbeaten champion... The Chauffeur (a repackaged Dustin 'Goldust' Runnels) beat Marc Mero... The Big Bossman attacked One Man Gang's widow with a nightstick, "for a laugh"... Val Venis promised that whoever got in his way would end up dead in the sea.... Steve Austin broke into the Playboy Mansion and Stunnered boss Hugh Hefner.... In the main event, Al Snow pinned Paul Wight, who fell head first, over the ropes, onto the floor, knocking himself and the front row of the audience unconscious. April 7th: The Godfather vowed revenge on Layfield, then stole Layfield's wallet..... The Mailman destroyed The Chauffeur.... Layfield went wild in a wine store when he discovered his wallet missing as he tried to buy alcohol. He smashed up all the bottles on the shelf, and nailed the owner with 'The Drunken Stopout' manouevre... Michael Cole promised fans that Steve Austin would not be his opponent at Huntdown, "because Austin can't cut the mustard".... Austin broke into the set of TV cookery show Ready Steady Cook, and cut up some mustard, before nailing Ainsley Harriot with a Stunner.... Layfield began crying and shaking after going Cold Turkey without a beverage for twenty minutes. The Godfather found this hilarious, and almost choked to death on a piece of hot dog as he revelled in the mirth of the situation.... Steve Regal, repackaged as a garlic salesman under the name The Fightin' Frenchman returned, beating X-Pac in a Handcuffs Match.... Layfield found some vodka in referee Earl Hebner's dressing room and downed it in one gulp. Refreshed, he then set off to beat up The Godfather... After the break, as ambulancemen loaded the breathless Godfather into an ambulance on a life support machine, Layfield attacked him with a radiator, and smashed his ankle...Val Venis threw D'Lo Brown off a cliff in Al Snow's camper van... As Layfield celebrated Godfather's injury, the wine store owner arrived at the arena and had Layfield arrested.... Main Event, and Michael Cole overcame Al Snow, The Rock, Paul Wight and Droz in a Five Corners match, pinning Droz. April 14th: The hype for Huntdown began with Scott Taylor of Cancer battling Mark Henry to a double DQ, then Test of Cancer battling The Undertaker to another double DQ. Both teams then brawled with each other back down the aisle, in the locker room, and out on to the streets... The Mailman destroyed The Frenchman, and Regal threw his garlic to the floor in disgrace, dissing the gimmick. He was later fired.... As The Undertaker and Mark Henry downed some beers at a bar, Cancer coincidentally walked in. There was a lot of tension until Mark Henry made some unnecessary remarks about Test's mother, which began another brawl which resulted in all four men being barred from the pub.... Jericho was attacked by Mailman after downing The Fallen Angel.... Val boasted about D'Lo Brown being the latest death on his hitlist, but D'Lo's "ghost" attacked him from behind.... The Godfather spiked Layabout Layfield's bottle of whiskey with absinthe.... Little Christopher attacked former Brood teammate Gangrel after Gangrel pinned Hardcore Holly..... Hellfyre and Oscar Junior protested for a Light Heavyweight Tag Team Title to be formed... Layfield was rushed to hospital to have his stomach pumped after downing a bottle of absinthe in one swig.... Michael Cole ordered Steve Austin's arrest, when Austin broke into 10 Downing Street and Stunnered Cherie Blair... The Rock slapped Paul Wight's broken knee with a large haddock, causing Wight great distress.... Vince McMahon returned to the cameras after a long rest, with the news that Steve Austin would be the guest referee at Huntdown, ruling out the possibility that Austin was the mystery opponent.... The Godfather pinned Paul Wight after more interference from The Rock.... Michael Cole was attacked by a familiar looking masked man, obviously the Huntdown mystery opponent. The current line up for the next In Your House event, Huntdown: WWF Champion Michael Cole .vs. Mystery Opponent; I-C Champ Chris Jericho .vs. The Mailman; The Godfather.vs. Layabout Layfield; Animal Parkinson .vs. Droz; Mark Henry and The Undertaker .vs. Cancer for the Tag Team Titles; Paul Wight .vs. The Rock in a Loser Suspended For A Month match. (I expect Wight to lose, so that he can heal his broken knee) and Val Venis .vs. The Ghost Of D'Lo Brown. IN OTHER NEWS: Val Venis (Sean Morely) was charged with two counts of murder when he drove Adam Copeland and Chris Ford , better known as WWF superstars Edge and Devon Storm, into the sea during an edition of Impact. Copeland and Ford's bodies were dragged up in the Florida Everglades, ironically by former WWF wrestler Skinner. Venis was ordered to say "sorry" to Copeland and Ford's bereaved family, and pay a $50 fine... Bill Goldberg decided not to sign up with the WWF after all, and accepted an offer from UK show EastEnders to take over the role of Grant Mitchell.... The WWF will pay tribute to Jim Neidhart by never mentioning his name ever again on television.... Rumour has it that former Friends star Matthew Perry has expressed interest in becoming a WWF commentator..... Former WWF manager Mr. Fuji was arrested for prostitution in early April.... The WWF is doing everything to try and get legends Haku and The Barbarian to return. Haku (Uliuli Fifita) and Barbarian (Sionne Vaihali) have had great success during their long careers... Vince McMahon may not return to our screens full time, but may return to the commentary booth... Jim Ross may retire after the King Of The Ring, set for June.... In quick WCW news; Hacksaw Jim Duggan captured the WCW World Title from Norman Smiley in late March. Also, the flagship WCW show Monday Nitro has been axed for hideous ratings, relegating WCW to a late Saturday Night TV slot. Ever since Hulk Hogan moved to the WWF as part of a semi-retirement plan, WCW has lost millions of viewers and is even losing in the ratings to old USWA repeats.... Finally, Howard Finkel had a hair transplant in early April, and it all fell out the following day. The Fink has since been diagnosed with depression. Last edited by NeanderCarl; 06-01-2006 at 08:47 PM.