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**NeanderCarl** · 06-01-2006, 09:11 PM

June

In complete results from the fabulous Extreme Measures pay-per-view on May 25th:

* The Big Bossman and mystery partner Black Crow (formerly Raven) defeated The Big Time Drinkers and The Mucky Pupz in a Triple Threat tag. During the match, Slyme abandoned partner Fylth, signalling his solo face career;
* Droz pinned Gangrel in a thrilling, but pointless match. Droz kept reminding Gangrel he was the current King Of The Ring. So what?;
* Val Venis pinned Hardcore Holly, and then impaled him on a spike;
* The Ghost of D'Lo Brown overcame the "retiring" Terry Funk with assistance from the returning Triple H. Brown and Hunter Hearst Helmsly may now form a tag team;
* Cancer retained the tag team titles over Beaver Cleavage and Christian Cage when Test 'Tumoured' Cleavage;
* The Mixer, far from being Shawn Michaels, was in fact former WWF wrestler Michael Droese, formerly known as Duke 'The Dumpster' Droese and Duke Marshall. He overcame X-Pac rapidly. I think X-Pac may be almost done with the WWF (although rumours suggest The New Age Outlaws may return in coming months, giving X-Pac a new band of team-mates to ride the shoulders of);
* Taka Michinoku and Sho Funaki beat Oscar Junior and Hellfyre for the fake belts when Funaki pinned Hellfyre with a moonsault legdrop;
* Brian Christopher, getting a push towards I-C title contention, pinned Dirt Byke Kid after smashing his jaw with a cricket bat (Christopher's new gimmick- he's a cricket player);
* The Rock pinned The Mailman in a surprise, when Mailman was distracted by the presense of Steve Austin, The Undertaker, Al Snow and Mark Henry at ringside, engaged in combat. The Rock then laid into Austin and Snow;
* Finally, Snow retained his title over Steve Austin when Michael Cole interfered. Cole and Snow were then revealed to be in cahoots.

--------------------------------

In notable happenings from recent editions of WWF Monday Night Impact Live:

May 26th:

Black Crow destroyed Bossman, establishing his 'loner' image.... Austin promised to put one boot down Al Snow's throat, and the other up Michael Cole's ass... In King of the Ring qualifyers, Scott Taylor pinned Jim Beam, and The Eliminator, formerly known as Slyme, defeated Hellfyre.... Animal Parkinson was shown being admitted into an OAPs home.... Chris Jericho defeated Val Venis, when Hardcore Holly interfered. Afterwards, Venis shouted at Holly "I thought you were dead!".... The Mixer poured cement mix into the pram of X-Pac's baby.... Animal was shown being fed soppy Weetabix by a nurse... X-Pac found the pram full of cement, and started throwing up with shock. When he realised his baby was inside, he was even more distraught.... Animal caused a commotion when he refused to take his pills... Brian Christopher smashed D'Lo Brown's face, bowling a cricket ball straight at it.... In his return to the WWF, Roadwarrior Hawk was found watching M*A*S*H in Animal's ward, and they combined to perform the Doomsday Device on a very large nurse... The Mixer knocked out X-Pac and buried him in a pit of cement... Kevin Nash returned, Nashknifing Test for the win.... Finally, Stone Cold Steve Austin stunnered Mark Henry, but was attacked by Snow and Cole. Paul Wight made the save.

May 31st:

Jericho and Brian Christopher battled to a double countout in a match to decide the number one contender to the IC strap... In KOTR qualifyers, Paul Wight wrecked Norman Smiley and Val Venis beat Fylth by shooting him through the heart with a .44 Magnum.... Animal returned to the ring. He finished off The Big Bossman after injecting him with a sleeping drug. Afterwards, Black Crow stripped Bossman nude and hung him naked from the Titan Tron, where he remained, fast asleep, for the rest of the show. The fans didn't really care: it was no big thing.... The Godfather stumbled drunkenly into The Eliminator's dressing room, and was destroyed. Layfield and The Big Time Drinkers then carried him out onto the street and left him in the gutter.... The Rock pinned Droz. Afterwards, he was attacked by Christopher. Jericho made the save, then attacked Rock himself. Christopher then cricket-batted the two of them into dust.... Michael Cole pinned D'Lo Brown. After the match, Austin grabbed Cole, took him back stage and minced his wife with a meat grinder. Cole collapsed with grief.

June 7th:

In KOTR qualifyers, Black Crow beat The Chauffeur and Droz beat Hardcore Holly thanks to Val Venis.... Triple H and D'Lo Brown went to a double DQ with Cancer... A recuperating Big Bossman was shown footage of his embarrassing humiliation the previous week. Bossman went bright red and shivered with embarrassment, then smacked Kevin Kelly with a nightstick. However, Bossman's feeling of inadequecy overwhelmed his strength and he hit Kelly with the power of a kitten. Kelly wandered off laughing, and Bossman had a breakdown.... The Mailman attacked Al Snow and locked him in a sauna..... Michael Cole destroyed the Mailman with a nail bomb. A dehydrated Al Snow then arrived and the two carted Mailman off into Al's campervan. Steve Austin locked all three in the back, and drove off with them.

June 14th:

In the final KOTR qualifyers, Triple H destroyed Oscar Junior and Animal Parkinson beat Marc Mero, in Mero's first match since March. It think it's safe to say we'll be waving goodbye to Mero before long.... Big Bossman challenged Kevin Kelly to a match... Val Venis successfully defended the European Championship (for the first time since he won it) by drowning Vader in a toilet.... Steve Austin was shown arriving at the arena in Al Snow's camper van, presumably with Snow, Cole and Mailman in the back.... Taka Michinoku and Sho Funaki were stripped of the fake light heavyweight Tag Titles. They walked away in disgust.....In an interview, Alcoholics Eponymous revealed that The Godfather had not been seen for a few weeks as he was in an Alcoholism Rehab Clinic... As Austin and Paul Wight battled The Undertaker and Mark Henry in a Pit match, the Camper van drove straight into the arena. A blunder from Mark Henry which sent Undertaker into the pit, followed up with a Stone Cold Stunner onto 'Dark Chocolate' sending him plummeting on top of his annoyed Master, gave 'The Big Show' and Austin the chance to inspect the camper van, but it was empty!

June 21st:

Kevin Kelly accepted the Bossman's challenge.... Hardcore Holly, who wore a black armband with 'Vader R.I.P.' written on it, was seen walking around the arena brandishing a large kitchen knife, with 'Val' engraved on the blade..... As the Bossman dragged himself to the ring to confront Kelly, Black Crow attacked him with a Crow Bar... Hardcore Holly chased Val Venis around the arena with the knife for seven and a half minutes, until The Big Valbowski ran into a meat locker and locked himself in.... The Godfather returned. He claimed that he was not at all alcoholic and that he was going to reclaim posession of the mansion that Alcoholics Eponymous had forcibly taken over during Godfather's absence. He then beat The Chauffeur... The Eliminator destroyed Test.... Steve Austin and Paul Wight arrived in the camper van.... The Undertaker absolutely destroyed Mark Henry in a fit of rage, and challenged him at KOTR.... A video on the TitanTron, from a local bar room showed Al Snow and Michael Cole taunting Austin and Wight , and challenging them to turn up at the bar. Wight set off in a car, and Austin set off in the van, but after Wight had taken off, another camper van ran Austin off the road. The driver was revealed to be Michael Cole, so perhaps the vid wasn't live then, and perhaps Wight had fallen straight into a trap, then....Ha, ha... Brian Christopher 'batted' The Rock's dodgy knee... Animal injected Triple H after HHH defeated Jim Beam... Paul Wight's car broke down. Oh, well.... The Rock defeated Norman Smiley, bad knee an' all!, with The Rock Solid... Al Snow stood patiently outside the bar, waiting for Austin and Wight, with a bunch of bikers, including Skull and Eight-Ball. A camper van arrived outside, but out jumped The Mailman, who mauled Snow. Cole was revealed to be the driver.... As The Undertaker nailed Gangrel with the Tombstone, he was attacked by Mark Henry... Michinoku and Funaki destroyed three WWF officials in a corridor.... Michael Cole and The Mailman arrived at the arena and revealed they were in cahoots all along. Cole revealed he never forgave Snow for taking his World title, and that he convinced him to go along with all the 'Contract control' stuff to humiliate and degrade him. So, going into KOTR, the WWF ingenously turned the tables around completely. Mailman turned dastardly heel & Snow the pitiable face.

The current line up for King Of The Ring, on June 27th, features; World Champion Al Snow .vs. The Mailman; Stone Cold Steve Austin .vs. Michael Cole; The Undertaker .vs. Mark Henry; Intercontinental Champion The Rock .vs. Chris Jericho .vs. Brian Christopher; The Godfather .vs. Layabout Layfield in a Loser Lives On The Street match; Hardcore Holly .vs. Val Venis in a Battle To The Death for the European Championship; The Big Bossman .vs. Kevin Kelly; and in the annual King of the Ring tournament- Scott Taylor .vs. The Eliminator; Paul Wight .vs. Mystery Opponent (replacing Val Venis); Black Crow .vs. Droz; Triple H .vs. Animal Parkinson.

IN OTHER NEWS: The injury list is growing. Triple H is still suffering with his over-zealous nose, Gangrel is down two fingers, Dirt Byke Kid has a broken jaw thanks to Brian Christopher's cricket bat, Paul Wight's knee is still bothering him, Hardcore Holly has got gangrene injuries from that impalation and Terry Funk is still in pain from D'Lo Brown's slicing with a razor in May.... Roadwarrior Hawk (Mike Hegstrand) was only brought back for one night, and is still struggling to set up his own decorating firm..... The storyline whereby D'Lo Brown is an undead spirit, i.e. The Ghost of D'Lo Brown, has been quietly dropped... X-Pac (Sean Waltman) will be laid to rest in Minneanapolis, MN on June 29th. He died of suffocation after being buried in cement on the live 26th May edition of Impact. The man responsible, Michael 'The Mixer' Droese, has apologised and the whole affair has been forgiven... Speaking of funerals, Fylth will be buried in early July and Colette Cole, Michael's minced wife, the day after... Norman Smiley, Kevin Nash, The Mixer and Black Crow have all signed three year contracts.... The WWF have verbally warned Val Venis to stop killing his opponents.... Terry Taylor has been released. Matthew Perry will host Raw from July with Shawn Michaels and Jesse 'The Body' Ventura as co-hosts... The WWF will introduce three new wrestlers from the Training Camp over the next few weeks.... An offer has been made to Jeff Jarrett.... The Godfather may sign up with Alcoholics Eponymous, the new stable consisting of Layfield and the Big Time Drinkers... The WWF has been having trouble coming up with exciting main event storylines recently, wheras the undercard has never been stronger, featuring the Layfield/ Godfather lifestyle swap/ alcoholism story, the Val Venis killing spree, the mental deterioration of Animal Parkinson, to name but a few.... Paul Heyman may accept a one-year deal, to return as obnoxious manager Paul E. Dangerously..... Jesse Ventura has signed a two-year contract.... Hulk Hogan's next match will be at SummerSlam according to reports... Black Crow is set to feud with Big Bossman in the summer months... Mark Henry has NOT signed a 10 year contract extension... Information leaked from Titan Towers revealed that, surprisingly, the highest paid wrestlers in the WWF are Test and Taka Michinoku, both making $10m a year.... Negotiations have re-opened with Haku and The Barbarian. Many other new tag teams are also expected to join the roster.... The Fink has had his second, this time successful, hair implant operation. He now bears a long flowing mane of auburn locks.... The WWF is phasing out the Light Heavyweight division, so I guess Taka and co. may be off soon....Skull and Eight-Ball may be re-employed after their try-out on Impact.... Vince McMahon will be the new official WWF President. He already stripped Michinoku and Funaki of the fake belts, and replaced Val Venis in the KOTR tournament with a mystery entrant... see you in July with plenty more news, arrests and firings.

06-01-2006, 09:11 PM	#5
NeanderCarl That's Not My Name Posts: 9,086	June In complete results from the fabulous Extreme Measures pay-per-view on May 25th: * The Big Bossman and mystery partner Black Crow (formerly Raven) defeated The Big Time Drinkers and The Mucky Pupz in a Triple Threat tag. During the match, Slyme abandoned partner Fylth, signalling his solo face career; * Droz pinned Gangrel in a thrilling, but pointless match. Droz kept reminding Gangrel he was the current King Of The Ring. So what?; * Val Venis pinned Hardcore Holly, and then impaled him on a spike; * The Ghost of D'Lo Brown overcame the "retiring" Terry Funk with assistance from the returning Triple H. Brown and Hunter Hearst Helmsly may now form a tag team; * Cancer retained the tag team titles over Beaver Cleavage and Christian Cage when Test 'Tumoured' Cleavage; * The Mixer, far from being Shawn Michaels, was in fact former WWF wrestler Michael Droese, formerly known as Duke 'The Dumpster' Droese and Duke Marshall. He overcame X-Pac rapidly. I think X-Pac may be almost done with the WWF (although rumours suggest The New Age Outlaws may return in coming months, giving X-Pac a new band of team-mates to ride the shoulders of); * Taka Michinoku and Sho Funaki beat Oscar Junior and Hellfyre for the fake belts when Funaki pinned Hellfyre with a moonsault legdrop; * Brian Christopher, getting a push towards I-C title contention, pinned Dirt Byke Kid after smashing his jaw with a cricket bat (Christopher's new gimmick- he's a cricket player); * The Rock pinned The Mailman in a surprise, when Mailman was distracted by the presense of Steve Austin, The Undertaker, Al Snow and Mark Henry at ringside, engaged in combat. The Rock then laid into Austin and Snow; * Finally, Snow retained his title over Steve Austin when Michael Cole interfered. Cole and Snow were then revealed to be in cahoots. -------------------------------- In notable happenings from recent editions of WWF Monday Night Impact Live: May 26th: Black Crow destroyed Bossman, establishing his 'loner' image.... Austin promised to put one boot down Al Snow's throat, and the other up Michael Cole's ass... In King of the Ring qualifyers, Scott Taylor pinned Jim Beam, and The Eliminator, formerly known as Slyme, defeated Hellfyre.... Animal Parkinson was shown being admitted into an OAPs home.... Chris Jericho defeated Val Venis, when Hardcore Holly interfered. Afterwards, Venis shouted at Holly "I thought you were dead!".... The Mixer poured cement mix into the pram of X-Pac's baby.... Animal was shown being fed soppy Weetabix by a nurse... X-Pac found the pram full of cement, and started throwing up with shock. When he realised his baby was inside, he was even more distraught.... Animal caused a commotion when he refused to take his pills... Brian Christopher smashed D'Lo Brown's face, bowling a cricket ball straight at it.... In his return to the WWF, Roadwarrior Hawk was found watching MASH in Animal's ward, and they combined to perform the Doomsday Device on a very large nurse... The Mixer knocked out X-Pac and buried him in a pit of cement... Kevin Nash* returned, Nashknifing Test for the win.... Finally, Stone Cold Steve Austin stunnered Mark Henry, but was attacked by Snow and Cole. Paul Wight made the save. May 31st: Jericho and Brian Christopher battled to a double countout in a match to decide the number one contender to the IC strap... In KOTR qualifyers, Paul Wight wrecked Norman Smiley and Val Venis beat Fylth by shooting him through the heart with a .44 Magnum.... Animal returned to the ring. He finished off The Big Bossman after injecting him with a sleeping drug. Afterwards, Black Crow stripped Bossman nude and hung him naked from the Titan Tron, where he remained, fast asleep, for the rest of the show. The fans didn't really care: it was no big thing.... The Godfather stumbled drunkenly into The Eliminator's dressing room, and was destroyed. Layfield and The Big Time Drinkers then carried him out onto the street and left him in the gutter.... The Rock pinned Droz. Afterwards, he was attacked by Christopher. Jericho made the save, then attacked Rock himself. Christopher then cricket-batted the two of them into dust.... Michael Cole pinned D'Lo Brown. After the match, Austin grabbed Cole, took him back stage and minced his wife with a meat grinder. Cole collapsed with grief. June 7th: In KOTR qualifyers, Black Crow beat The Chauffeur and Droz beat Hardcore Holly thanks to Val Venis.... Triple H and D'Lo Brown went to a double DQ with Cancer... A recuperating Big Bossman was shown footage of his embarrassing humiliation the previous week. Bossman went bright red and shivered with embarrassment, then smacked Kevin Kelly with a nightstick. However, Bossman's feeling of inadequecy overwhelmed his strength and he hit Kelly with the power of a kitten. Kelly wandered off laughing, and Bossman had a breakdown.... The Mailman attacked Al Snow and locked him in a sauna..... Michael Cole destroyed the Mailman with a nail bomb. A dehydrated Al Snow then arrived and the two carted Mailman off into Al's campervan. Steve Austin locked all three in the back, and drove off with them. June 14th: In the final KOTR qualifyers, Triple H destroyed Oscar Junior and Animal Parkinson beat Marc Mero, in Mero's first match since March. It think it's safe to say we'll be waving goodbye to Mero before long.... Big Bossman challenged Kevin Kelly to a match... Val Venis successfully defended the European Championship (for the first time since he won it) by drowning Vader in a toilet.... Steve Austin was shown arriving at the arena in Al Snow's camper van, presumably with Snow, Cole and Mailman in the back.... Taka Michinoku and Sho Funaki were stripped of the fake light heavyweight Tag Titles. They walked away in disgust.....In an interview, Alcoholics Eponymous revealed that The Godfather had not been seen for a few weeks as he was in an Alcoholism Rehab Clinic... As Austin and Paul Wight battled The Undertaker and Mark Henry in a Pit match, the Camper van drove straight into the arena. A blunder from Mark Henry which sent Undertaker into the pit, followed up with a Stone Cold Stunner onto 'Dark Chocolate' sending him plummeting on top of his annoyed Master, gave 'The Big Show' and Austin the chance to inspect the camper van, but it was empty! June 21st: Kevin Kelly accepted the Bossman's challenge.... Hardcore Holly, who wore a black armband with 'Vader R.I.P.' written on it, was seen walking around the arena brandishing a large kitchen knife, with 'Val' engraved on the blade..... As the Bossman dragged himself to the ring to confront Kelly, Black Crow attacked him with a Crow Bar... Hardcore Holly chased Val Venis around the arena with the knife for seven and a half minutes, until The Big Valbowski ran into a meat locker and locked himself in.... The Godfather returned. He claimed that he was not at all alcoholic and that he was going to reclaim posession of the mansion that Alcoholics Eponymous had forcibly taken over during Godfather's absence. He then beat The Chauffeur... The Eliminator destroyed Test.... Steve Austin and Paul Wight arrived in the camper van.... The Undertaker absolutely destroyed Mark Henry in a fit of rage, and challenged him at KOTR.... A video on the TitanTron, from a local bar room showed Al Snow and Michael Cole taunting Austin and Wight , and challenging them to turn up at the bar. Wight set off in a car, and Austin set off in the van, but after Wight had taken off, another camper van ran Austin off the road. The driver was revealed to be Michael Cole, so perhaps the vid wasn't live then, and perhaps Wight had fallen straight into a trap, then....Ha, ha... Brian Christopher 'batted' The Rock's dodgy knee... Animal injected Triple H after HHH defeated Jim Beam... Paul Wight's car broke down. Oh, well.... The Rock defeated Norman Smiley, bad knee an' all!, with The Rock Solid... Al Snow stood patiently outside the bar, waiting for Austin and Wight, with a bunch of bikers, including Skull and Eight-Ball. A camper van arrived outside, but out jumped The Mailman, who mauled Snow. Cole was revealed to be the driver.... As The Undertaker nailed Gangrel with the Tombstone, he was attacked by Mark Henry... Michinoku and Funaki destroyed three WWF officials in a corridor.... Michael Cole and The Mailman arrived at the arena and revealed they were in cahoots all along. Cole revealed he never forgave Snow for taking his World title, and that he convinced him to go along with all the 'Contract control' stuff to humiliate and degrade him. So, going into KOTR, the WWF ingenously turned the tables around completely. Mailman turned dastardly heel & Snow the pitiable face. The current line up for King Of The Ring, on June 27th, features; World Champion Al Snow .vs. The Mailman; Stone Cold Steve Austin .vs. Michael Cole; The Undertaker .vs. Mark Henry; Intercontinental Champion The Rock .vs. Chris Jericho .vs. Brian Christopher; The Godfather .vs. Layabout Layfield in a Loser Lives On The Street match; Hardcore Holly .vs. Val Venis in a Battle To The Death for the European Championship; The Big Bossman .vs. Kevin Kelly; and in the annual King of the Ring tournament- Scott Taylor .vs. The Eliminator; Paul Wight .vs. Mystery Opponent (replacing Val Venis); Black Crow .vs. Droz; Triple H .vs. Animal Parkinson. IN OTHER NEWS: The injury list is growing. Triple H is still suffering with his over-zealous nose, Gangrel is down two fingers, Dirt Byke Kid has a broken jaw thanks to Brian Christopher's cricket bat, Paul Wight's knee is still bothering him, Hardcore Holly has got gangrene injuries from that impalation and Terry Funk is still in pain from D'Lo Brown's slicing with a razor in May.... Roadwarrior Hawk (Mike Hegstrand) was only brought back for one night, and is still struggling to set up his own decorating firm..... The storyline whereby D'Lo Brown is an undead spirit, i.e. The Ghost of D'Lo Brown, has been quietly dropped... X-Pac (Sean Waltman) will be laid to rest in Minneanapolis, MN on June 29th. He died of suffocation after being buried in cement on the live 26th May edition of Impact. The man responsible, Michael 'The Mixer' Droese, has apologised and the whole affair has been forgiven... Speaking of funerals, Fylth will be buried in early July and Colette Cole, Michael's minced wife, the day after... Norman Smiley, Kevin Nash, The Mixer and Black Crow have all signed three year contracts.... The WWF have verbally warned Val Venis to stop killing his opponents.... Terry Taylor has been released. Matthew Perry will host Raw from July with Shawn Michaels and Jesse 'The Body' Ventura as co-hosts... The WWF will introduce three new wrestlers from the Training Camp over the next few weeks.... An offer has been made to Jeff Jarrett.... The Godfather may sign up with Alcoholics Eponymous, the new stable consisting of Layfield and the Big Time Drinkers... The WWF has been having trouble coming up with exciting main event storylines recently, wheras the undercard has never been stronger, featuring the Layfield/ Godfather lifestyle swap/ alcoholism story, the Val Venis killing spree, the mental deterioration of Animal Parkinson, to name but a few.... Paul Heyman may accept a one-year deal, to return as obnoxious manager Paul E. Dangerously..... Jesse Ventura has signed a two-year contract.... Hulk Hogan's next match will be at SummerSlam according to reports... Black Crow is set to feud with Big Bossman in the summer months... Mark Henry has NOT signed a 10 year contract extension... Information leaked from Titan Towers revealed that, surprisingly, the highest paid wrestlers in the WWF are Test and Taka Michinoku, both making $10m a year.... Negotiations have re-opened with Haku and The Barbarian. Many other new tag teams are also expected to join the roster.... The Fink has had his second, this time successful, hair implant operation. He now bears a long flowing mane of auburn locks.... The WWF is phasing out the Light Heavyweight division, so I guess Taka and co. may be off soon....Skull and Eight-Ball may be re-employed after their try-out on Impact.... Vince McMahon will be the new official WWF President. He already stripped Michinoku and Funaki of the fake belts, and replaced Val Venis in the KOTR tournament with a mystery entrant... see you in July with plenty more news, arrests and firings.