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In order to fulfill diversity obligations, Vince McMahon has offered a 38 year contract to Funky Fly. Funky is reported to have signed the contract without realising that it was as a valet.
Fortunately, this is how the Coach Started. Expect to see Funky Fly on TV around 2015, to put over Triple H's daughter.
In a recent rash of gay pride, several wrestling fans have been wed in WWE-themed ceremonies. The most popular has been the "Billy and Chuck" package, available in MA ceremonies starting at $100. Destor and a yet-unnamed partner opted a different route, choosing a JBL/HHH theme. Asked for a comment, Destor responded with "Chicks dig gay weddings."
We wihsh the best to Destor and remind him that not replying would have been a smarter way to not be involved in the Ruse Report.
Also enjoying nuptuals this week are Skippord and JH, who wed in a TNA themed ceremony as Chris Sabin and Samoa Joe, respectively. The ceremony ended poorly, as The JP turned out to be Jeff Jarrett, who laid them both out for not choosing him.
Eric Bischoff could not be reached for comment, but is rumoured to be displeased that Jarrett got his three minutes of fame in his wedding gimmick.
Dave Wadding won WWE's latest costume contest with his impression of Rikishi. Asked for comment, he replied, "I wasn't wearing a costume." Wadding evidently entered only thinking it was the next Diva Search contest.
Bloodshed erupted at an ECW/Smackdown show, when Innovator and St Jimmy duked it out in the aisles during CM Punk's entrance. The match received a 3*, and the brawl received a 5* rating and the largest pop of the night. Chants included "You call that a punch?" And "Punk fans suck dick" from the Smackdown fans still in attendance. All three of them were subsequently strung up on the turnbuckles as an example, amidst ECW chants.
Insider sources indicate Vince is not pleased, and is unsure whether to blame Shannon Moore or Funky Fly. More on this as the scapegoat is clarified.
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I have many, many more to go, but I just couldn't think of one for some of y'all at the time, and just ran with what came easily. More will be coming though, stay tune for the Ruse Report--Date Raping the truth since 1996
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