For the return of the SD captions, Matt Hardy decided to put on his best 'Tarzan leap' pose. Unbeknownst to Matt, 5 years ago he did the exact same thing. Except back then, his girlfriend hadn't fucked Edge.
I'm telling you right here, right now. I AM NOT THE THIRD HOLLY BROTHER............brother.
Vince, i had my two front teeth pulled out for you. For this! For this gimmick! You've injured me. How can I even eat the worms as you ask without my front teeth. I hate you.
Patrick - Guys, there's no point in really putting on any form of an act. No-ones watching.
Ref - Now, Dave - I can just about feel what you had to lunch. Rey Mysterio I think. Ken, you had burritos.
The referee realised that they didn't call him the 'Animal' for nothing, as Dancing Dave let rip with one of the foulest smelling eminations in the history of Smackdown.
As the ref tried to kill the worms investing the ring, Boogen was happily receiving the fine breast milks of Finlay.
Boogen shocked everyone by coughing a furball into the path of his new finisher. The Pussy Plunge was to take the WWE by storm.
Dave Batista was sure his penis was that long this morning. Before the latest round of injections that enabled him to 'train longer'.
JBL was stumped at 5 across. 'A waste of space and TV time that nobody watches - 3 letters.' He asked of Michael Cole.
'ECW', said Cole with a raised brow, realising that the truth about his feelings for his co-commentator would not be outed on this occasion.
Batista called Krystal Kane and requested the 'Orbital Interceptor' weapons system. As the beam from Skyvault descended, Batista was man and machine - POWER EXTREME!
Kennedy - 'Leave me alone, you're mean!'
Batista - 'Give me a hug Ken, all this manliness is advancing my need for affection'
Kennedy - 'No, leave me alone, you hurt me.'
Daivari chuckled to himself - 'I wonder where Muhammed Hussan is these days?', while picturing him rotting in a prison somewhere. Before the thought was even over, a shout from the audience of 'Alleh Akhbar' followed by several explosions and calls of 'Daivari killed my push!' had answered the question definitively.
Daivari, moments earlier, prepared in the ring. 'This is my big chance', he told himself. 'I must perform on the highest level'. His will however, was shattered when he realised that he was participating in a match against Sugar Greg Helms. 'Shit', he shouted aloud.
The new SD segment - 'The Deadman's exposé' started off terribly.
As the boo's and jeers increased, Undertaker replaced his clothes before announcing, 'You ain't seeing none of this tonight boys!'
Miz, host of the new 'Deadmans exposé' segment, was heartbroken at the response the crowd gave. He gave out, and rolled around on the floor crying out, 'I am not Poochy'.
Undertaker, in attempt to retake some respectability from the segment, decided to fire imaginary arrows at Miz. They cut deep and injured the poor host, leaving hm convulsing (and rapping) simultaneously.
Miz had reached the low point of lying on his back and urinating. Creating a sort of 'fountain' effect. Undertaker, feeling a bit parched, decided to have a drink and enjoyed it so much that he insisted on squeezing every last drop out of his willing colleague.
Miz, now suffering from dehydration, asked Undertaker if he could return the favour. Taker duly oblidged, even lifting Miz into the correct 'sipping' position.
Worse was to come for Miz, unfortunately he didn't realise that Undertakers urine wasn't free, and couldn't produce the $332 that he owed the Deadman. Taker, in a furious rage, decided to regurigate his lunch on Miz's 'bread basket' area. Unfortunately, as Takers lunch had included several jobbers and the remains of the Giant Gonzalez - it threw Miz into a fiery death at the hands of an unmanned announce table.
Joey Mecury debuted his new gimmick - Mankind meets John Cena - 'You can't see ... these scars!'
Grease was the word for Sunny, who returned, 300 pounds lighter and with another couple of no-hopers that would get a tag title run.
The new lifesize Ashley Navarro robot debuted on SD, with its amazing ability to freeze individuals in time. Kendrick and London ended up reemerging 3 years later, still tag champions. Then again, had they not been frozen, they still wouldn't have had a decent push.
In a shocking twist, IRS 2007 made his SD debut taking on 'Bowling Glove Boy'. He didn't endear himself to the crowd on his way to the ring when announcing 'you should pay more taxes, to pay for the war you started. And by the way, you have pay to be let out of the arena'.
Nick Patrick checked out the new IRS intently, even noticing that it wasn't a t-shirt that he was wearing, but he was a 'half-albino'.
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Next week on Smackdown:- See a talentless man without front teeth and who eats worms on TV try and insert a rope up the anus of a midget dressed as an Irishman. Compelling stuff eh!