Okay. Hoping that some of these are good enough to slip in for the "Caption of the Month" deadline...
KURT: Hi. I'm Kurt Angle, Olympic champion. On behalf of the WWE SmackDown locker room, I would like to take this opportunity to speak directly to our fans. We're sorry about Sean O'Haire's depush. We're sorry about Hardcore Holly's main event run. We're sorry that Bradshaw still has a contract, but Kanyon does not. We're sorry that the Cruiserweight division has consisted of four men over the last year. But we're trying. I mean, we gave Eddie freakin' Guerrero the WWE Title! That's gotta mean something, right? Right? Yeah, you're right. I guess you'd better change the channel now, 'cause there's going to be a killer Cruiserweight match opening the show that gets interrupted by a backstage segment. But, hey, at least the segment features a couple of Cruiserweights! Well, not so much "features" as...well... Ah, just roll the opening montage.
EDDIE: What do you MEAN,
ese?
PAUL: I mean exactly what I said. Don't be mad at me, this came directly from Vince.
EDDIE: But I was OVER, man!
PAUL: I'm sorry, but seeing you with gold made him decide that you'd be perfect to play Razor Ramon III.
Rey Mysterio's "Stevie Wonder" gimmick didn't get off to a very good start when Triple H refused to let WWE divert some of his paycheck into buying a piano.
HHH: Meh, just paint keys on Jamie Noble's back!
In the background, Steven Richards kicks out with authority.
Rey couldn't help but chuckle. How he managed to convince Nunzio that if he looked REALLY closely at the canvas, "The Godfather" was playing, was beyond him.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A wrestler whose gimmick got old three years ago!
Loopydate, sitting at home, hoped that Nick Patrick's mind control worked. He had convinced Bradshaw to pick Scotty up. Now if only he could get him to keep walking forward toward the wall of spikes...
BRADSHAW: "If you can read this...I hope you don't mind me eating your knees?" Wha--OW!
Scotty pointed the way to the exit. The fans had to evacuate the building NOW. The WMXX logo was going to blow any second!
EDDIE: *Sigh* Hey yo...
Yep, Billy even botches a hug.
BROCK: This Billy Gunn pillow is so lifelike, Brian. I love it. I just wanna SQUEEEEEEEZE it!
BILLY: Oh, my appendix...
After seeing the sign in the crowd, Brock figured that his gimmick had changed, too. He dropped Billy and became "Leah: Loving Legend!"
The crowd had gone totally silent. Somebody had to tell Torrie that the microphone wouldn't pick up her smile and that she needed to start talking, but no one had the heart to.
John's "Everything's cool when you're J-O-H-N-C-E-N-A" taunt didn't quite go over like his RAW counterpart's.
Point to Sean O'Haire's knees!
JOHN: When did the Godfather become invisible, too? And when did he start dressing his hos in shower curtains?
Sarujohn made sure that each of his Showruk-Wight bore the White Hand before heading off to battle.
SHOW: I found the Halfling!
Patrick was confused. If John was supposed to be Saruman earlier, why was he pretending to be Gollum now?
CHAVO: Why are you giving me an F-U?
JOHN: Because you were in the movie that launched J-Lo's career!
CHAVO: I'M! NOT! EDWARD JAMES OLMOS!
Rey hated it when the hosses decided it was time to play "Catch."
Watching this segment at home, President Bush started taking notes. He was sure he could somehow use this speech as "evidence" to support deporting anyone who isn't white.
EDDIE: That's good,
es--
VINCE: *clears throat*
EDDIE: I mean...mang. But let...da Bad Guy show you how to dribble invisible basketballs...
chico.
COP: Sorry, Eddie. Master Vince says that until you get the mannerisms right, you're going back to OVW, and the belt is going on A-Train.
EDDIE: You got a bum rap, man. I mean, you WON "American Idol," but that Clay kid gets all the--
COP: I'm not Ruben...
Kurt screamed with surprise. A vehicle backstage at a WWE event...that WASN'T carrying a McMahon?!?