Why remake 'The Running Man'?
James Ward
Gannett News Service
Of the hundreds of films Hollywood could have remade, a new artistic rendition of "The Running Man" was not a choice for the ages.
But that's exactly what you'll get if you are unlucky enough to buy a ticket to "The Condemned," a silly and often leaden action film starring pro wrestler "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.
Movie fans will remember 1987's "The Running Man" as a dimwitted action film with Arnold Schwarzenegger battling other thick-necked actors to death on a futuristic TV show.
The only remotely interesting thing to come from "Man" is that it co-starred future Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura. Who would have thought such an awful movie would produce two future governors?
"The Condemned" updates the basic story for the Internet age. Instead of network television, the fight-to-the-death match is staged on the Internet. Subscribers have to pay $49.99 to watch all the mayhem.
The movie opens as a sleazy Internet entrepreneur (Robert Mammone) bribes 10 Third World prison wardens to release their worst death row prisoners to his custody. His plan is to transport the murderers to a remote South Pacific island and stream their fight to the death on the Web. The winner gets a free pass out of prison.
After a quick introduction to the players, the main event occurs. In an increasingly repetitive series of scenes we watch the killers battle in the jungle. The worst of the 10 contestants is a former British soldier (Vinnie Jones from "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels"), who seems to enjoy all the brutal combat.
Smartly, the filmmakers don't ask star Austin to deliver many lines during the nearly two-hour film. He mostly shows off his muscles and occasionally grunts while kicking the snot out of his opponents. The script does construct a flimsy background around Austin's character - something to do with him involved in "black ops" for the Pentagon - but those plot points are just a flimsy excuse for the action scenes.
Besides the repetitive action scenes, what really makes "The Condemned" annoying is the preachy tone it takes during the film's final 10 minutes. After wallowing in blood and mayhem for the previous 103 minutes, director-writer Scott Wiper stops the action to have one character denounce the violence - and the audience that pays for the mayhem.
Insert eye roll here. Who is Wiper trying to kid? The only reason people will go see his film is the violence. Add the fact the film was produced by WWE impresario Vince McMahon and the film's less-than- eloquent stand against violence comes off as even more hollow.
The most interesting question to ponder as you leave the theater is whether "The Condemned" star Austin will have the same career path as the stars of "The Running Man."
Governor "Stone Cold" Austin. Sort of has a nice ring to it, don't you think?