[M-A-G]

Interviewer: Rob Van Dam, I cannot thank you enough for sitting down to discuss your WWE career with us today. How are you?

RVD:.......

Interviewer: Uh...Rob?

*RVD takes a drag*

Interviewer: Uh, Rob, we're going to be filming this. You're going to have to put that out.

RVD: Oh, right, right, right....*tosses down the blunt*

Interviewer: So anyway....

RVD: Wait, hang on....*lights up another blunt*

Interviewer: *sigh* I guess we can edit it out. Anyway, Rob, what is it that you believe is the biggest moment of your career here in the WWE?

RVD: Aw, dude, that totally has to be the time when I became a World Tag Team Champion with Kane, man. Dude, that rocked.

Interviewer: Really? Most people would believe that you defeating John Cena to capture the WWE Championship, THE most prestigious and one of the most historic titles in the business.

RVD: Pffffftt...what? When did that happen? I never won no WWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Championship. Hahah...I like that..WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Here, do it with me. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.....

Interviewer: Uh, Rob, I can assure you that you were able to win the coveted WWE Title at last year's One Night St.....

RVD: Dude, why are we wasting time talking about stuff you're imagining in that sick pumpkin head of yours, man? Why do that when we could be talking about my greatest acheivement EVER!

Interviewer: Your tag team title win?

RVD: Nah, dude. I'm talking about the title when I single-handedly won the WWE Women's Championship. Aw, dude, it was cool.

Interviewer: Uhhh....Rob, I don't believe you're eligible to wre....

RVD: Hold on, hold on....*takes another drag*

Interviewer: Mr. Dam, you're gonna have to pu....

RVD: Hey, man, why're you killing my trip? Dude, we have to check out the footage of me winning that title.

Interviewer: You actually have a clip of you winning the Women's Title?

RVD: Hell, yeah, man!!! Roll that beautiful bean footage!

*tapes gets played on a monitor nearby*

Interviewer: Rob, nothing's on....

RVD: Shh, shh, shh, wait for it, wait for it.....

Interviewer: I suppose I....

RVD: ...KENNEDY!!!!!!!!!!

Interviewer: .......

RVD: Look, look, here it comes on the TV!!!

Interviewer: Rob, that's you doing flips into a pool.

RVD: I KNOW!!! Don't I look awesome doing that? It's stuff like that that made me the whole damn show.

Interviewer: I thought this was a tape of you winning the Women's Title.

RVD: What? Pffft, naw, dude, I never won no title for chicks. What gave you that idea? Dude, you're off your game or something. Here take a hit...

Interviewer: OK, this interview's over. This is just...

RVD: No, no, no, you gotta wait for it. You have to wait for it man.

Interviewer: *sigh* Fine. What?

RVD: Well, now I don't feel like telling you.

Interviewer: Whatever. I'm out of....

RVD: ....KENNEDY!!!!!!

Interviewer: You need help.