The debut of "Honey I shrunk the Kane" was met with skepticism.
Kane: Christ, even Triple H's kidney stones are made of gold.
Introducing the new HOSSEY's bar. All the flavor of the original Hershey's, with the size big enough to satisfy the big man.
Kane: Hey, it's Pandora's Box!
Urn: I'm not tel-
Kane: ! *Throws that shit far, far away*
Triple H was feeling lazy that night, so he just typed out the gyst of his promos on the TitanTron.
In their THIRD attempt to prove to everyone that Zach Gowen was not discriminated against, the WWE had another special match.
One guy missing arms. One guy missing half his body. One guy missing a leg. And Buhbuh missing his tag-team career.
It was stoners like RVD who would write their blood type on their wrestling boots after watching a Hardcore Holly match.
Jindrack: One, two, three, four... I declare a thumb war.
RVD: Five, six, seven, eight... Never meant a weed I hate.
Ref: Nine, ten, eleven twelve, release his thumb or you'll get hell.
Cade: Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen... Rather be on Sunday Heat.
Jericho: What do you mean I won't get the World Title? I thought we had a deal.
Vince: But you're Canadian.
Jericho: Just because I'm Canadian, I'll only get a couple runs and that's it?
Vince: What the hell are you talking about? Haven't you had like thirty?
Jericho: Um, no?
Vince: (Thinking) Did you used to have a goatee?
Jericho: ...Yes?
Vince: Long hair?
Jericho Yeah.
Vince: And you're Canadian.
Jericho: Yes, what the hell is the point!?
Vince: Hmm. I know how to get to the bottom of this. Have you banged my daughter?
Leave it up to RVD to make a bong out of the entire boiler room.
Helms: FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME. THERE ARE NO ANGLES. IN MY ASS.
Hardy: I can kick your ass any day of the week.
Benoit: Yeah right. Shut the fuck up "Matt Hardy."
Hardy: I HAVE TWO PUSHES LEFT.
Benoit: ... *Steps down from balancing himself on his penis* You were saying?
Michaels proposed that Benoit lay down for him at 'Mania, as long as he got a rematch in Edmonton at Backlash. Benoit almost fell for it, until a bunch of hairs and warts and skin diseases and shit erupted all over Michaels's face.
Michaels: ALRIGHT. Jesus. You've guilted me into it. I do feel bad for what happened to Bret. Is there anything else I can do to make up for it?
Benoit: Yeah, for fuck's sake, wear a turtle-neck.
Molly: Alright Lita, time for your monthly bath.
Lita: RUFF RUFF RUFF!
Ref: Yes?
Lita: Ruff!
Ref: What?
Lita: RUFF RUFF!
Ref: ?
Lita was doing okay. She used to be a hot draw for teenage girls. She used to get pushed. She used to have gold every few weeks, and she used to fly around and impress the crowd. But now, Lita was doing jobs. Lita was lying down for women. There was only one thing to do to complete the circle...
Execute the Twist of Fate.
Lita got the shit end of the stick when the ring was tipped over for Triple H's weekly "Canvas Comfort" inspection. He wanted all his clients to be comfortable.
Victoria: Let's play guess what's in Victoria's ear!
WMXX Logo: Uh... A spoon!
Victoria: Nope!
WWE Logo: A Q-Tip!
Victoria: Nope!
(WMXX and WWE Logo debate and deliberate over their guess.)
WMXX: As proud spokesmen of the Logo Team, I convey that we have come to a conclusion. Given the evidence: You have pinned the champ multiples times, and now have the gold... The object in your ear can be nothing other than TRIPLE H'S SPERM.
Victoria: Correct... And I'm... Kinda proud of it!
Austin: That stupid bitch Debra. Only cost me about 20k to get my ring back. What a dumb bitch, hahaha.
Jericho asked the ref how many pushes he had left, and the ref just fucking puked all over the ring.
Jericho and the ref were ASTOUNDED. One second Jericho had Stevie in the Walls, and the next, Steven was all the way down the ramp...
Stacy: Okay Dawn... Now we're going to teach you how to hold your arms outward...
Dawn: *Giggle* Got it!
The Rock posed for his WWE Main Event Identification Card as well. During the interview, this was The Rock's response when asked, "Are you willing to put people over?"
Rock: And let's show him the next item up for bid.
Announcer: A newwwwwwwwww contract clause! This contract is beautiful, made of quality loose leaf printing paper. Its ink is fresh off the Canon Jets, and the pen is made of quality Taiwan plastic. This contract will allow you to retire and return unlimited times! And it could be yours, if the price is right.
Rock: So what would you like to bid?
Mick: My soul!
HHH: (Darth Vader breathing) All too easy.
Mick: Yo Rock, check out this fine chick I picked up at this club...
Rock: ...Are you okay?
Mick: What are you talking about!? This is like the most beautiful chick in the world...
Rock: !!!!!!!! Shallow Mick will save his dick! Shallow Mick will save his dick!
(Mick sees the old lady)
Mick: ...WHAT THE FUCK?
Rock: And for my next trick, I will job to an old lady...
Random Guy in Crowd: It's a hoax! He has a rub and the biggest draw of all time in his palm!
Triple H: ...so remember, your soul is mine.
Mick: Yes sir.
Triple H: Pinky swear?
Mick: Pinky swear.
Triple H: All right now, you run along and have fun.
Superfly: And we didn't have to suck dick to get gold.
Mick: (Laughing) Bullshit.
Superfly: We also held the titles for like months or even years.
Mick: Lies. All lies.
Rock: Trick or treat.
Old Lady: Ohhhh... What are you this year?
Rock: I'm The Rock, bitch.
Old Lady: Aren't you a little too old to be trick or treating sonny?
Rock: Aren't you a little old to be breathing? Just shut the fuck up and put the candy in the bag, there's a shortage of food in Somoa. (Jeez, the nerve of this old slut.)
Rock: IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLALALALALOWWWWWWW, WHAT THE OLD SPICE, IS, COOKIN'.
Mick: See, selling Mr. Socko isn't as bad as it looks!
Guy: Yeah, not too bad.
Mick: Good ol' socky. Had him since I was 12.
Guy: ...Is that a hint of salt?
Mick: Oh yeah.
Guy: ...
Mick was distracted, the timing was perfect for The Rock to remove his head from Foley's ass.
Orton: Just do it, Dave.
Batista: I'm telling you, you can only find new angles up Shawn's ass...
Orton: Hm. Better check The Rock's ass just to be safe.
Batista: Alright, alright. What's this...
*Pulls out a million PPV buys*
Batista: Holy fuck! What else is in here!?
Rock: Orton... Please set the microphone down, and leave the ring...
Batista: *Starts doing push-ups*
Rock: The hell are you doing?
Batista: Oh, sorry. Whenever Trips lies down and spreads his legs, he likes me to do push-ups while looking him in the eye.
Rock: ...
JR: BAH GAWD! THE ROCK KICKED OUT! THE ROCK KICKED OUT OF THE PEDIGREE! *Gasping and clutching his chest* BAHGAWDBBQSAUCE. THE ROCK KICKED OUT OF THE PEDIGREE. THE ROCK. THE ROCK K-K... K...
(JR suddenly dies of a heart attack.)
King: Woohoo! *Confetti falls from the ceiling*
Mick: Wow... I can't remember a thing that happened last night...
Rock: You don't?
Mick: No...
Rock: I thought we had something, Mick.
Mick: ?
Rock: *Sigh* It's best if I just let it go, I guess.
Mick: No Rock... What is it?
Rock: The Rock gave you the biggest anal beasting of your life.
Mick: ...Really!?
Rock: No, but dude, where's your car?
The WWE held a poll on the favorite object of sexual attraction.
Ric Flair represented the breast.
Batista's belly-button represented the anus.
...And Randy Orton represented the pussy.