Okay, here goes nothing. A year ago, I was very slowly starting to get good at this. I also remember Lamuella going berserk on the WM captions from last year, and El Santo already went psycho, so I got some big shoes to try to fill...
Tragedy struck when Cheech revealed John Cena to be John Connor right as the T-X entered the building.
Cena's new Adult Bondage Sock Puppets were a huge hit with the crowd.
Show reacted the only way he knew how and gave Cena the single worst wedgie of his life.
Yeah. Cena just realized he was naked again.
OR
Panic struck Cena when he realized he'd forgotten to turn off the oven.
RVD and Booker's plan to have the alien destroy anyone with gold eventually backfired with the UFO showed up at Wrestlemania packing heat...
Jericho: *sniff sniff* "Grilled chicken parmegean melt with onion rings and ranch dressing."
Christian: "You, my friend, are good."
Apparently, Christian had a hard time grasping the concept that Jericho was, in fact, NOT a pony.
Trish was so utterly vicious in her heinous attack on the bottom turnbuckle that Jericho couldn't bear to watch.
Christian: "Hey, mind if I practice with you right now before I bone Trish for reals later tonight?"
Jericho: "Yeah, sure--wait a minute..."
After successfully accomplishing their mission, the HHH Hold-Down Drones accented the humilation with a taunting pose before returning to their holding docks.
Unfortunately, on their way back, the Hold-Down Drones weren't too careful and were devoured by a ferocious Jerichozilla.
Offscreen: "Who's a washed up wrestler who doesn't wrestle full time yet can come back periodically and get a good PPV spot?"
Mick: "I am!"
Hand: "He is!"
Foley: "Shoot this man in the ass!"
Jack Dunn: "Um... Mick, who are you talking to, and what are you pointing at?"
Foley: "Isn't that the funny thing to say for this sort of caption?"
Dunn: "Yeah... but the nearest person is Batista, and he's
behind you."
Foley: "Oh. Damn... I've been out of this too long."
To add insult to injury, after knocking The Rock down, Flair took the time to show off his Removable Thumb Trick to an awestruck Batista before going for the cover.
Never one to back down from oneupsmanship, The Rock showed off his Removable
Wrist Trick to an awestruck audience after planting Flair with the spinebuster.
Orton unintentionally added to his Legend Killer resume after he forgot to put on some deodorant earlier that day.
Stacy was especially pleased with the new vibrating ring ropes.
As you can see by her reaction, Jackie Gayda just botched standing on the ring apron.
Torrie always picked the worst times to remove clothing tags.
Stacy: "All right, who's the wise ass who shut off the vibrator???"
Torrie snickered when moments later, the snare trap wrapped around Sable's wrist and lifted her up into the air. One diva down, nine to go...
Last year, Daredevil had a heck of a time battling his foes at Wrestlemania XIX. The Flash didn't fare much better this year.
Hilarity ensued when Chavo's gravity manipulation powers went awry.
Brock: "Wait... you're not Lawrence Taylor..."
Brock made a mental note to enunciate the next time he talked with Goldberg. He wanted to be
in football, not
a football.
Lesnar: "So you're telling me this is a legal tackle in the NFL?"
Goldberg: "Yup."
Lesnar: "You're SURE I won't get a flag for this, right?"
Goldberg: "Not at all."
Lesnar: "Cool. Ya know, I really appreciate your using your prior NFL experience to help me out."
Goldberg: "Sure thing...
sucker..."
Fans were dismayed when Vince came out to announce that Hunter was scheduled to bury the entire city of New York next month.
Rikishi: "Oh man, that was some dump."
Well, this proves it. NO ONE can carry Rikishi to a match, not even on the grandest stage of them all.
Scotty, Nick, and Rikishi figured this pose could thward the lowering of the glass ceiling. Boy were they wrong!
People had always called Donald Trump evil, but when he aired his Al Quaeda dealings live on TV, there was no longer any doubt.
Icky saliva or not, Molly was getting those dentures back!
The ladies weren't too keen on this new "Get in prime paddling position when Triple H comes out" order, but it was either that or be buried on Heat...
Victoria was ecstatic about her huge win until the Wrestlemania XX logo ran her down, "doing it for The Rock."
Victoria was just a bit creeped out by Molly's orgasmic expression in response to the shave, but as long as she got to have fun with razors, it was okay.
Molly wasn't too thrilled when the girls enlisted her in the Marines and had her shipped out to Iraq.
If punching through Eddie's chest with his arm didn't bring the Guerrero down, Angle thought, nothing would.
Angle and Eddie do their best Big-Show-gasping-and-wheezing-after-twenty-seconds-of-work impressions.
Patrick: "Simon says... touch your shoulder!"
Eddie: "WTF, ese?"
Angle: "Whoa, Sean's cage IS really dirty! And why is he doing a striptease..."
Eddie might have been taking this whole "lie, cheat, and steal" gimmick a little far when he tried to steal his OWN boots.
Leave it to Angle to come up with the most intense push-up regiments ever.
Eddie shows off the leather boots he swiped from Saks 5th Avenue, complete with giant price tag still attached.
Paul Bearer was a bit vocal in voicing his tremendous sudden urge for a Big Mac.
When it was learned that Triple H was going to tap out cleanly later that night, the disbelieving stadium began to spontaneously burn down.
Some of the druids apparently didn't understand kayfabe when they decided to test the "You cannot kill what's already dead" tagline and set Undertaker on fire.
Even Taker wasn't too thrilled about his new wardrobe.
Breaking away from his psycho monster character, Kane was happy to help the old man cross the ring ropes.
The match grounded to a standstill when Taker just sat there, enjoying Kane's amusing Teletubby impressions.
Both Kane and Taker suddenly had a flashback through the 127 times they'd gone through this.
To ensure Kane was buried for good, Taker put Jacobs through the "Triple H Treatment."
Here is a rare shot of KISS on their day off...
Benoit: "Tap, dammit!"
Michaels: "Pain... intense... owie owie owie..."
Triple H: "Hang in there! Don't tap buddy! Earl's about to call for the bell."
Hebner: "Wait a moment... this definitely isn't the sharpshooter... dammit, I don't know what to do."
Things got a little weird when all three wrestlers stopped mid-bump to buggy down to 70s music, accompanied by the Wrestlemania XX Disco Ball.
Benoit had flattened a large, flat, smooth pane. Wait a moment, wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?
Triple H refused to tap until Benoit took matters into his own hands and wrenched Hunter's left leg 180 degrees forward.
Benoit: "This is a dream come true! I'm so hap---EWWW!!! There's still bits of Hunter's skin on here!!!"
Eddie: "Man, ese, I sure wish Dean and Perry were still here to share this great moment!"
Chris: "Yeah... but they're not..... You can let go now."
Eddie: "Can't. Stuck."
Chris: "Dammit! That Rhyno is like lightning!"
And here you can actually see hell beginning to freeze over...
Benoit and Eddie never understood how they'd managed to actually become champs until they heard the evil laughter of Vince's voice over the PA system followed by the first bursts of the implosion charges...
Whew! SIXTY captions! I'll pat myself on the back for the effort.
