In a Biblical reeanactment, David squared off against Goliath with special guest referee: Hitler.
Cena: Yo yo yo yo. I got a chain around my hand, and I'm gonna hit Big Show in the head. He'll be knocked out so cold, y'all gonna think he's dead. And after I pin him for the one-two-three, y'all just might think "credibility" when you DO SEE ME. Word life.
(Sean O'Haire lowers his laser-pointing sniper rifle)
Cena: WHY GOD? WHY?
After Cena defeated Show, much to his surprise, his credibility continued to shrink, and he too, as a result.
(Backstage before the match)
RVD: Just try it Book... Would Rob, Van, Dam, steer you wrong?
Booker T: I guess not sucka.
(15 minutes later)
Booker: Yo, RVD man, what is this shit we just smoked... I'm hallucinatin'... I feel like we just won titles at Wrestlemania.
RVD: This is the greatest thing on the planet... My personal homegrown laced with Evolution Kool-Aid, dude...
Christian: Have you been giving head to Stephanie McMahon?
Jericho: Wrong! Fish filet sandwich with extra tartar sauce and refried bean dip!
Christian had one hell of a challenge. He was to pull the referee out of Jericho's ass before the new year's ball dropped.
Trish: EWWWWWWWW!
Jericho: Sorry! How was I supposed to know that urinal cake wasn't a giant breathmint!?
And just then, the referee did the most enthusiastic and powerful "you're a homo" finger point in history.
Jericho: *Spitting and coughing*
Christian: Shannon Moore, that had to be the cruelest joke I ever saw.
Christian: Jericho, chill man! This isn't real!
Jericho: No fair! WAHHHHH! I'm TELLING!
Trish: *Laughing*
Jericho: What's so funny you little backstabber!?
Trish: Chris, this is all staged! Christian just showed me this was all acting and everything has been on camera the whole time!
Jericho: ...And your feelings for me?
Trish: Erm...
Jericho:
The Rock, on his first ever two-win Wrestlemania streak, wanted to protect his investment by being on Randy Orton's team instead.
Mick sure had his hands full if he wanted to call everyone in MSG a homo.
Ric Flair knew they had no chance of pinning The Rock when he had to demonstrate to Batista in a game of charades to hurry up and pin him, or he'll nip up and do a bunch of finishing moves.
Batista: Are you sure? I wasn't going to try until at least 5 or 6 more powerbombs and a few spinebusters...
Rock: Can ya smell it jabroni?
Flair: ...yes, sadly.
Batista laughed. He knew his toxic farts mist blew the green mist out of the water, when both Flair and Orton passed out.
Ref: Wow, sure is crowded in here.
Ref: Oh my god, your legs are spread at exactly a 108 degree angle... How do you do that?
Stacy: You should see my 360.
Ref:
360!? How did you learn to do that!?
Stacy: Well, Vince doesn't give divas their own seats on the planes, so I learned to compact myself as checked baggage.
King: Stacy with a... er. Torrie connects with... Eh... Sable, Jackie, with a... JR. Who is doing what to who?
JR: I don't know, King, but I have the erection of a government mule right now.
Stacy: Ok, who deflated my tits and ass?
Here is your winner, and new WWE Cruiserweight Champion, Shannon, Moooooooooooore!
Spider-Man vs. Daredevil ended in a no contest when referee Norman Osbourne interfered on Daredevil's behalf.
After Rey put the ring to sleep by rapping, Chavo took advantage.
Rey: I run around in a paranoid stupa', trying to find the guy who took my chalupa.
Chavo: Rey, what the hell are you talking about?
Rey: I gotta figure out how many tacos to order, to move ahead I gotta run for the border.
Chavo: ...Save me daddy...
Goldberg: Hehehhubbie so geh. Tehweh suh. Laalaa suh mah dih lah nah.
Ah puh mah Teh Weh ih heh buh ho. Sheh loft eh.
Brock Lesnar: I don't understand?
Goldberg: Ah, neh mah. Bah to bureheh yeh. Bah theh weh, Fahcahs peh weh.
Goldberg: ! YEH HUH LIH UH DOHEH!
Brock: Why, thank you Bill.
Goldberg was screwed when Thing from Adams Family decided to interfere.
Vince: So, in my newest business venture, I have decided to start off my own website, as an offshoot of EBay... I present to you... EMania!
JR: King, I love this man with all my heart and soul, but he has got to stop smoking crack.
Haas: Hey, I thought of a new tongue twister! Check it out. Haas has hoss ass in his - OH DEAR GOD NO!
Basham: Sit on my face and tell me lies...
Rikishi: *Sits on his face* I am a credible tag champ.
In an effort to clear things up in the locker room, Vince personally came out and made sure everyone knew Rikishi and Scotty were really Tag Team Champions.
In an attempt to actually make people vote for it, the country revealed its newest reality TV show series, Decision 2008. Where the winners would be declared the President and Vice President. And here is the first team, Jessie "The Hobo" Ventura and Donald Trump.
Victoria had a habit of biting her nails when she was nervous, and the possibility of seeing Molly bald seemed to do the trick.
Worst. Razor's Edge. Ever.
Only a chick would win the gold at the greatest showcase of them all, WILLYMANIA!
Victoria: I snagged a bottle of Shawn's shampoo... How does it feel?
Molly: OH YES... Oh GOD yes... Oh!
Barber dude: (Really Triple H using his shapeshifting abilities) Hmm, so that's how he does that to me...