WARNING: One of these captions is both gross and disturbing, but I couldn't resist. It's the Austin one. You were warned.
Benoit: I'm so proud of my title win!
Triple H: (Mumbling) ...Yeah, I am happy you got the belt...
Benoit: (Points to Triple H's nose) LIAR!
Molly was almost too embarassed to go to the ring, but it was nothing A-Train couldn't help her out with by giving her his old used razors.
Shoot this homo in the ass!
Not even the phenominal Powder could defeat a woman who could morph into Chyna.
Lita: I'm pinning someone! I'M PINNING SOMEONE!
Ref: Are you sure this is part of the script?
Lita: !? Who said that!
Worst. Headlock. Ever.
Jericho: I warned you Matt, only Christian can handle this game...
Austin's sheriff role in the WWE sunk to a new low when he starred on Animal Planet's "Animal Police."
Austin: You two ever have any, what's that word, "manage the twat?"
Val: Wow, your breasts are as big as Lance Storm's balls, impressive...
To overstate the obvious, Kane was much bigger than Spike. Afterall, Spike was but a milimeter tall, and needed a sign over his head to point him out.
Stacy: And this is how you execute a fart...
Jackie: Okay Stacy, very funny. First you teach me how to never stop breathing, but then you go and do a thing like that.
Hebner: Holy mother of God. I've seen wrestlers do the Y, but never with no arms!
Stacy: (Tries her hardest to breathe)
Jackie: (notices Stacie is having trouble breathing) When we last met I was the learner, but now, I am the master.
Vince: So then he says to me, 'No Vince, I didn't bang your daughter, but I ate her out and it made my teeth rot out of my mouth.' So I gave him the title.
RVD thought he was being slick by turning around to hit the blunt, but the large smoke clouds kind of gave him away.
RVD: Holy SHIT dude... WOW... Whoaaaaa...
Bubba: (Whispers) Ah hell, my bad Rob, didn't mean to get stiff on the hair.
RVD: No dude... Steven Richards just gave me... The biggest shotgun of my life...
When RVD was caught with the substance, he quickly swallowed the evidence.
RVD would be the first to tell you that bee farming was a profession that required time and patience.
When the ref confronted Christian, Christian cowardly pulled a nine year old boy into his arms to shield himself!
or
When the ref yelled at Christian, he sicced his chiahuahua.
To add more to their heel turn, Christian and Trish revealed the footage of the child midget stump porn that went on while she was dating Jericho.
Since their kiss was horrible, Christian and Trish had to take private kissing lessons from Steven Richards.
Christian: Hm. Garden salad with 1000 Isle Dressing, diet sugar free sweetened ice tea, and is that a salty hint of Vince?
Trish:
Austin shows us exactly how much of Vince's cum you have to guzzle to remain a top face even after you're not wrestling.
While Ric "Mr. Fantastic" Flair distracted Benoit with fingerpuppets, he reached allllllllllllll the way over to the ropes to slingshot them into Benoit.
Flair: Wow, look at you up there! Jesus Christ! You're a superstar!
Shawn: WTF is that supposed to mean!?
Batista: Let's see what we got in here...
(Rummages around, thinking, "Man, I really need to get some rubber gloves.")
*Pulls out Triple H's credibility* Hm, nope.
*Yanks out a toaster* Nope.
*Reaches in deeper and pulls out a tag that reads, "WARNING: Removing this tag is a Federal Offense and will strip you of your title."*
Got it, whew.
Benoit showed Batista exactly what he thought of his moveset when, instead of a spinerbuster, he gave Batista an "ass blaster" and took a dump on him in the middle of the match.
Shawn Michaels had bladed far too much, and this caused for drastic measures, as a triple blood-transfusion was called. Hebner and Benoit were reported to have been woozy, but in stable condition.