...I'm creating this thread to post captions from the week I missed when I was on Spring Break. I'm working in reverse chronological order.
SmackDown! (3/11/04)
CENA: Yo yo yoyoYOYO! If y'all ca--
FAN: Hey, John! Your wristband looks like poo!
CENA: Sir, that's entirely uncalled for. I would appreciate an apology.
John makes a mental note ("Buy Selsun Blue").
In the background, Matt Morgan stifles a chuckle. He couldn't believe Noble still hadn't figured out that he'd shaved "Sheep ****er" in the back of his hair.
Rey picked an inopportune time to perform a cartwheel.
...funeral arrangements are being made.
Worst. DDT. Ever.
The ref was puzzled. It sure LOOKED like Tajiri had given Richards a lowblow, but...he couldn't be sure.
AKIO (thinking): Hmm... Who knew my bicep was so delicious?
Rey and Jamie's "Well-Endowed-Man-Celebrating" costume would have been more convincing if Rey was facing the right way.
EDDIE:
Arriba la ra--
FAN: Hey, Eddie! Where's your mullet?
EDDIE:
KURT: Come, Brock. Come to the Plane-arium. The Plane-arium will give you all the knowledge you need to be a professional football player.
BROCK: Don't you mean Planetarium?
KURT: Yes. I said Plane-arium.
EDDIE: Hey, Shelton! Let's do the Poetry in Motion!
SHELTON: Okay...
BELTY: No, Shelton, it's a trap!
EDDIE: Hee hee hee...
Oh, I get it! Charlie Haas is giving us a rebus to describe Rock's upcoming Wrestlemania performance. Okay. "Russ." "T." "Russ T." "Rusty!"
SHOW: I! HATE! SEVENS!
WWE's experiment with running filters over their TV feeds to make them look more grainy, and therefore "classier" was a resounding failure.
MUSIC: Wwwwwwwwwehhhhhll... It's the Big Sh--
FAN: Hey, Big Show! Hulk Hogan called! He wants his mustache back!
SHOW:
RIKISHI: Hehe... My left tit is bigger than your head.
SCOTTY: That's gross, dude...
DOUG: Okay, be honest. I look cooler when I'm slouching and wearing my Russian WWE hat, right?
DOUG: How does Kurt do this and make it look so cool...?
When Paul fell asleep mid-promo, the SmackDown superstars held an informal meeting to try to decide on a course of action.
BROCK: Show! You bought me a Power Wheels! You're my bestest friend in the whole wide world!
GUIDE: And, if you'll look to the top of the ramp, we should see the arrival of an idiotic, washed-up, asshole who has held on to his WWE career for five years too long.
RIKISHI: Hey, Billy, why are you looking down?
BILLY: 'Kish, if I wanted to see that, I'd just turn my head slightly to the right.
Steve "Mayor of San Francisco" Austin's new gimmick was met by resistance from the Bush administration.
STEVE: I now pronounce you homo and homo.
JR: BAH GAWD STUNNE--
TAZZ: What the hell are you doing on our show?
AUSTIN: Where's your wife...er...groom...?
SHOW: I ate him. What of it?
AUSTIN: You have an enormous kid head hanging from the right side of your goatee. Lemme get that for you...
PAUL: Oh, hey, when did you get a tattoo...?
BROCK: NOOOOOOOO! MY POWER WHEELS!
BROCK: YOU BIG MEANIE! BRING IT BACK!
PAUL: Let it go, Brock. It's done. Take a breath. You're going to pop that vein in your forehead.
PAUL: ...and I thought that was just an expression.
AUSTIN: So watch Wrestlemania XX, this Sunday night on PPV. This is Steve Austin saying "You're a homo!"
Once again...he's full.