RAW (3/8/04)
The Three Faces of Jacobs DVD didn't sell quite as well.
Fortunately for the fans in the arena, Kane managed to catch the RPG shell before it destroyed the arena.
This wasn't the ideal place to set up his new massage business, but no one had the heart to tell him.
KANE (reading): "Property of the U.S. Government. Die, you multiracial liberal pantywaists!"
The text itself isn't what frightened Kane. It was the sound of a dentist's drill in the background.
Worst. Bulldog. Ever.
MARK: For the last time, I am NOT The Host from "Angel!"
RVD: I'm so stoned...
RVD: Dude, I just wanna feel your horns...
MARK: I'm not--
CHRIS: Sure, grandma. Of course I appreciate the present. Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm glad you remembered I'm a wrestler now. Oh...yeah...absolutely. Hulk Hogan is still the biggest star in wrestling. Yeah, no, this Hulkamania t-shirt is going to make me really popular...
RVD: Hey, Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat!
HURRICANE: So...did you see the rabbit?
ROCK: No. That dude's so stoned...
ROSEY: He wasn't even wearing a hat.
Moments later, the crowd got to see the first-ever Hurribamaslam.
MATT: Ha ha! I had my fingers crossed!
CHRIS: Then...*sniff*...you won't be my best friend?
CHRIS: So, yeah, there's a pressure point right here below the wrist.
SHAWN: I don't belie--GACK!
Well, that vase is far too skinny. You won't be able to put more than a single flower in it.
Lita was such an idiot. She tried to get out of the chokehold until Molly convinced her that her left forearm was a pull-up bar. Now, she thinks she's getting a good workout.
MOLLY: Wait, Lita! I'm not Molly! I'm...a purse!
LITA: Oh, wow! I have a new purse!
MOLLY: You don't need to raise a shoulder. That's not the referee counting you down. It's...the neighbors upstairs having sex!
LITA: Wow! Sounds like they're having fun.
VICTORIA: Hi. I'm Victoria, here to tell you about Q-Tip brand Gigantic Invisible Ear Swabs...
AUSTIN: Why do they call it a "pinky?" It's kinda...peachish.
Reptile wins. Fatality.
Y2J: There's something seriously wrong with this wheelbarrow...
STACY: I once caught a fish that was this big!
JACKIE: I smell like fish!
*Long, awkward pause.*
ROCK: What the--? Oh, right. You guys follow us around to tape what we do backstage. I forgot about that stuff...
Much to the delight of wrestling purists everywhere, Miss Jackie walked into the giant fan blades.
MICK: Okay, Rock, I know how much you like Ray Bradbury short stories, so I pulled some strings and got you--
ROCK: Don't tell me! My own
Electric Grandmother?
ROCK: Okay, you can shoot orange juice out of your fingers and produce kite string from your wrists...I want some pancakes, but I'm afraid to ask you for them.
MICK: Yeah, and when I guest-starred on "He-Man"...I poked Tri-Klops right in the eye!
Snuka was interrupted mid-promo by the Bengal tiger leaping through his chest.
ROCK: Come on, Grandma! Get the tiger out of his chest!
GRANDMA: Hold on, dear. I'm re-charging...
ROCK: Willie Garson?!? The Rock LOVED you on "Celebrity Poker Challenge!"
Yet another guest of the WWE locker room fell for the old "I bet I can eat more marshmallows than you" gag.
ROCK: Hey what's that sme--? MICK!
When Mick Foley got a wedgie, the whole locker room would come out to help.
Worst. Bearhug. Ever.
VENDOR: Metamucil!
FLAIR: Over here!
Rock, as is to be expected, missed his diving headbutt on Richards.
MICK: Oh, yeah. This is why I retired...
Team Cartwheel celebrates another victory.