Cena's new "Grammar Police" gimmick got off to a rocky start when he started confiscating all the grammatically incorrect signs that security had missed at the gate and waving them tauntingly at the guards.
When Heyman's right hand shocked the world and turned heel on Paul's face, it was up to Cena to restrain the two.
Rhyno and Cena's friendship quickly went downhill after Rhyno accidentally ripped the hair off the back of Cena's scalp.
Unfortunately for John, part of U.S. Champion duties included lugging things to and from the Golden Box of Lost Gimmicks.
Paul: "Wait, Farooq, you mean you actually took Bradshaw's advice on that ImClone stock?"
Farooq: "Well, he IS my friend, and..."
Bradshaw:
Farooq: "It's rainin' men! Hallelujah, it's rainin' men! Baby!"
The veteran Farooq was much too clever to allow Scotty to make the tag to Richards and possibly turn the momentum of the match.
Farooq was just in the middle of taking out his frustrations over his impending layoff when the ref just HAD to distract him by telling some wisecrack to shoot him in the ass.
Farooq: "You told me that ImClone stock was gonna be GOLD!"
Bradshaw: "Um... yeah... about that..."
Charlie was going to help his friend touch his back, no matter how drastic the course of action may be!
Haas evidentally needed a little help on the concept of swing dancing.
Bradshaw: "I was gonna tell ya! Honest! But I had to tell Martha first, and well, things led to other things, and before I knew it, we were planning out how to redecorate my house!
Farooq:
Bradshaw: "I swear you were next on my warning list!"
Benjamin: "I'm a better wrestler. I'm more over. I'm more athletic. I'm more technically sound. I have better stamina..."
Gunn: "Okay! Okay! *sob* I get it! You're better than me! Stop rubbing it in!
"
Benjamin: "...I don't oversell every single move. I don't need my ass to get me over. People actually care about me..."
For all that his monicker embodied and connotated, Mr. Ass could be really feisty about graphic HGA.
The Rey Mysterio Easy Chair needed a little more fine-tuning.
Poor Benjamin. Not only was he unable to touch his back, he needed Mysterio's help to touch the back of his head too!
Show: "Hehe... you're real name is Oscar... hehe..."
Rey wasn't sure what to do when Hugo from Street Fighter III came lumbering over in his new costume.
And they say Show doesn't put other people over...
Cena demostrates what he had to do to get the title.
OR
Cena's plan to randomly run in other people's matches and suck up all their talent was foiled when he saw his target:
Mysterio and Guerrero dazzled the crowd with their exciting, high flying luchelibre brand of HGA.
Eddie Guerrero: sound technical wrestler, WWE Heavyweight Champion, expert promo giver, and masterful shoulder massager.
Just when he'd thought he'd defeated his alcohol demons, Eddie had to contend with his Grow-A-Mysterio-Itis demons.
Even though he'd just wrestled a grueling match, Eddie still was nice enough to help the strange masked midget across the ring.
Percy Pringle didn't exactly improve other people's opinions of him when he carried his McDonald's take-out bag with him to the ring.
What, Heyman.... you act like you've never seen a zombie-cowboy hybrid before.
Undertaker's new image was so boring it even put himself to sleep.
Having missed the past few months, Taker decided to catch up with the times and rummage through other people's asses and see what he could find, ala Batista on RAW.
Um... we
really didn't need to see Taker orally pleasure Steven Richards live on the air.
The unfortunate debut of Smurf Cowboys was greeted with dismal ratings.