RAW [4-12-2004]
Corkscrewed:
Regal: "Hello, Trish my dear! I'm training Eugene here in the ways of the authority-figure-who-feuds-with-the-other-authority-figure. Therefore, may you kindly stand right there while Eugene here gives you a royal shiny and then pushes you into that pile of scrap metal?"
Mick: "Hey Earl! Ring the bell! Chris is from Atlanta and Hunter is from near Canada!"
Earl: "Okay." DING DING DING!
Benoit: "Suckers..."
Rock Bottom:
Kane had warned the Blue Meanie to stand back when his pyro went off.
Long: It's reasons like this I got traded to SmackDown, white man always pissing on the black talent.
Tajiri proved once and for all to be the champion of Truth or Dare when he removed A-Train's thong with his teeth.
The ref decided to let this one slide, as Orton was not giving leverage to Triple H for the abdominal stretch. It turned out Triple H was giving leverage to Orton to help him take a shit.
Triple H: One blowjob, one blowjob, hayabayabaybayba Do I hear one blowjob, haybayabblahblahblah.
Michaels: One blowjob!
Triple H: Two blowjobs, two blowjobs! Do I hear two blowjobs! Hybabayababablahblah.
Benoit: Two blowjobs.
Triple H: Haybahaba two blowjobs, do I hear three blowjobs and your soul? Going once... Going twice... Erm, Shawn?
Michaels: ...Sorry, my soul belongs to Jesus.
Triple H: ...Sold... Benoit retains.
Sascha:
Kane knew he should've taken Wonka's warnings seriously.
El Santo:
Boy, you know it's getting bad when Evolution no-sells a napalm strike.
gonMad00
Foley: Hey H, you find that spider yet?
HHH: F*ck you!
Vega
Grand Master Sexay's hat was a little overboard this week.
Savior
JR: ROCK BOTTOM!
loopydate:
It was a night of recycled gimmicks. Unfortunately, the return of Grandmaster Sexay diverted a lot of attention away from Glen "Mood Ring" Jacobs.
Kane's Banzai Drop From The Rafters didn't do his back much good.
Kane knew he had to seek shelter. It was raining 1998!
You knew JR was going to have trouble with this one. If he couldn't tell Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho apart, how could he tell Bitch and Botch apart?
HBK: Did you order the locker room cancer?
CHRIS: No. I thought you did.
HHH: Somebody has to sign for m--it. It. Sign for it.
SmackDOWN! [4-15-2004]
loopydate:
KURT: Man! Concrete angels are HARD!
trnbuckle:
Eddie searches aimlessly to find Shawn's lost smile.
Rock Bottom:
It was Kurt Angle's move against Vince McMahon in "Hoss Chess."
Rico was a dirty guy, and really didn't mind kissing someone, even if their ass had "HHH was here" spray-painted on it.
The Austin household sure was hectic tonight.
Meanwhile, at the Austin household...
Austin: God damnit woman! I said go get me a beer!
Girl: (trembling) But Steve, the stores are all closed and we're out!
Austin: I said go get me a god damned beer, not go to the store you stupid bitch!
Vastardikai:
Big Show was frozen: it's not everyday you get to meet Lex Luthor, JR of Dallas fame AND Thing.
Desperate measures needed to be taken to save the poor little WWE logo from getting beaten up by the much larger Word Life Logo.
Eddie can be so cruel. Making fun of Big Show just because he mispelled Sam's name...
tucsonspeed6:
Tinkerbell: *whisper whisper* "They're all sinners and must feel hell's fury. Burn them! BURN THEM ALL!"
Show: NO! It can't be! They all ate dinners and need to feed Belle curry! BURP THEM ALL!
Tinkerbell: Damn that deafening entrance music!
JT Kool:
Eddie was suprised to discover that Sean O'Hare wasn't really released, but his cage was just relocated.
Corkscrewed:
Charles Robinson: "And now... I will turn Rico's underwear.... INTO A THONG! VOILA!"
Rico: "Ha! You can't do th--
"
Sick and tired of Hebner's stupid chicken dance, Eddie decided to take matters into his own hands with a flying cross body.
#1-wwf-fan:
Kurt: "Alright Show, you know the deal. If you lose, you have to quit. But if you win, you get to eat this giant potato chip off of Bradshaw's head."
Hired Hitman:
Torrie: What are you doing!?
Big Show: ..You said to fill it up
Kane Knight:
Big Show took things a little too literally when he took a bite out of crime...
Backlash
Shaggy:
Beniot: Look HBK there is a spider right by your hand. Bet you cant kill it
HBK: Oh yea....
HHH: No Shawn No its a trick!!!!!!!
Kapoutman:
Orton bought too much balloons at the fair, and Foley tried to keep him grounded to the best of his strength.
A ref with ADD was not a good idea for a match so important.
Ref: 1,2...Are these ants red or black?
Corkscrewed:
Tajiri chuckled. They always fell for the Bottom Turnbuckle Inspection gag.
Trish knew it was the end for her when she became trapped in Jericho's glass box.
This wasn't what Orton had in mind when he suggested Foley "take out the trash."
Benoit could take the Sharpshooter. It was Hebner's stupid Matrix impressions that were messing him up.
Rock Bottom:
Jericho: Mmm, so soft... Yet so firm...
Trish: Um... Chris? You gonna fallaway slam me sometime tonight?
Jericho: Mmm, you know what would be even better Trish? If I gave you a hangman's delayed flowing hovering very slow tombstone... Over and over...
Randy Orton's punishment for being AWOL from the US Marines was letting special forces use his back as a map of possible terrorist locations.
This was just further proof that any retard could capture the French flag.
Edge does his Lesnar NFL try-out impression, while Kane does his Lesnar-on-a-bike impression.
Kane Knight:
Tajiri does his best Ultimo dragon impression--Falling flat on his face, then disappearing back to dark matches.
HHH: And so I'm pumping away, and Steph is screaming like a banshee...
Benoit: Oh GOD! I give up! You can have the damn title back! Just DON'T finish that sentence!
The Highlander:
At this point, Shelton realized that Charlie had switched his Japanese move scouting tapes with lesbian porn.
Jericho, ever the gentileman, stopped mid match to save Trish from Steven Richards's come-ons.
At this point, Lita and Victoria realized that Charlie Haas switched their lesbian porn with Japanese move scouting tapes
e
Benoit: Torn your quad again?
HHH: No.
Benoit: Now?
HHH: No.
Benoit: Now?
HHH: AHHHHHH!!!
Benoit: Finally!
HHH: No, I just noticed you're missing a tooth.
loopydate:
"Stunning" Steve Austin made a surprise return...with unsurprising results.
GAIL: Oh, my God...
MOLLY: Ref, how could you let Lita do a piledriver? How COULD you?
RANDY: My shirt does not lie!
MICK: Okay, okay! You ARE Voldemort!
SHAWN: If I had a hand in the Montreal Screwjob, may I be horribly crushed from above somehow...
PorkSoda:
Christian: Here, let me turn off the shower, Trish! *Turns nob* err! *other nob* Err! OK, lets go watch TV! *Turns TV on with the turney thing* Err! Hey..what are you looking at?
big_bluto:
Benoit: Shawn's looking at my ass isn't he?
Ref: Yep.
HHH: He calls you his special friend, Chris.
Benoit: help me please...
HHH: It'll cost you.
Benoit: I'll give you your title back after your movie deal?
HHH: Done. You distract him, and I'll hit him with my hammer.
Benoit (off-camera): Okay Shawn, on your knees, baby.
HBK: Mmmmmmmmm. Canadianssssss.
HHH: Suckers!
RAW [4-19-2004]
Corkscrewed:
*thinking* Now that I've shaved my hair after escaping from that wretched cage, NOBODY will recognize me!!!
Ref 1: "Pull her off! Pull her off!!!"
Ref 2: "I can't! She's too strong!"
Ref 1: "Well, we can't just give up, we have to try something!"
Ref 2: "Okay... um... Molly! You're a homo?"
Molly: "WHAT?!" *lets go*
Ref 1: "You did it!"
Ref 2: "I did it!"
Molly: "You called me a WHAT?!"
Ref 2: "Oh shit."
loopydate:
Once again, Chris Benoit proves that he is the king of the Really Really Short Ladder Match.
Evolution all had other things on their mind while the YMCA song played. Randy was soaking in the glory of his ascension to Legendhood. Batista was catching grapes. HHH was going through belt withdrawals. And Ric...just had to pee.
LILLIAN: Okay, Red Contender. You have to take this gun and shoot the target over Gemini's head. Okay?
Edge and Chris were happy...until the ref started turning into Agent Smith.
Edge was thrilled...until the cage lowered. It was time for Bonesaw!
big_bluto:
Orton: Can you get him to make me look more over?
Edge: Course, dude! He's my brother. Now, how over would you like?
Orton: Very over please.
Edge: You'll have to lend me your title for the period of 4 weeks.
Orton: Only if he can make me look very over and give me a real finishing move.
Edge: Hey! He's a hairdresser, not a miracle worker!
Vic Flair: Quick, I've got him pinned down, you find out where he keeps that bloody mist!
Ref: Right!
Funky Fly:
Christian: Ron Harris? Who let you in here?
Rock Bottom:
Benoit makes a huge heel turn even in Calgary, when he reveals that it was HE who had Michaels's smile all along.
Edge: I've been gone, forced to sit here and watch for fourteen months. And I've hated it. But there is one instance that gets me the most, Orton. That Jesus of Nazareth joke was TOTALLY unacceptable. LISTEN TO ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU.
NCHIGHFLYERS:
Ref: wow...this Tajiri keg really gives the best beer
Kane Knight:
It was foolish of Vince to think that the fans couldn't tell the difference between Austin and a couple of refs.