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**Corkscrewed** · 04-09-2004, 03:19 AM

SmackDOWN! [4-22-2004]
Vastardikai:

Paul: Your check is in the mail... What?

gonMad00:

If anyone can carry Cheech-- i mean, Chavo Sr. through a match, it's Forrest-- I mean, Cena.

Now it was Haas' turn to be in a cage. To make it worse.. with Rico.

Rock Bottom:

D'Von's "Captain Obvious" gimmick was a success, as he called Bubba and RVD homos mid-coitus.

Bradshaw: My financial advice team will do their very best to make sure you get the soundest, most efficient advice. Just ask one of my many satisfied clients.
(Clip shows)
Bradshaw: So you see, as long as you write bad checks, you don't have to pay the wrestlers...

So far, their date was going extremely well. All the advice Rene got from the guys in the locker room seemed to work.

That is... Until he got to Austin's advice.

That would be the last time Torrie starred in a porn with Gangrel.

Bradshaw knew that smell my finger trick would work after fingering Stephanie McMahon.

Corkscrewed:

Cole: "No Austin! Don't that poor, innocent woman!"
Tazz: "That's Renee Dupree, not Steve Austin!"
Cole: "Sorry. Force of habit."

Eddie: "Suck my balls, D-Von! That's right, I'm EDDIE GUERRERO, BITCH!

As his promo reached his twelfth hour, Bradshaw couldn't help but notice people weren't paying as much attention as before.

El Santo:

Bubba: "Look, Paul, I agree we have to take drastic measures to bring Smackdown's ratings up, but 'Rob Van Dam, the White Afro Thunder' is just not going to go over."

RVD: "All right, I'm a horse! Vince HAS to push me now!"
D-Von: "Um, Rob..."
Bubba: "Let him be, D-Von. Let him be."

Sure, Rikishi was always game for flag football! Unfortunately, he'd misheard the "flag" part.

Fans were shocked when, suddenly, Rikishi pooped out Liberace!
JR: "Mah God, King! He was NEVER dead! He was just up Rikishi's ass all this time!"

Haas: "Oh God! Powerful... magnets! Trying... to take... belts... away! .... Ah hell, might as well have fun. Wheeeeee!"

At this moment, Haas started to suspect that there was something weird about his new ring valet.

Renee was torn. Torrie ... or Fifi? Decisions, decisions...

big_bluto:

Paul: Look, Taker, you've been told that you've got a match against Booker T at Judgement Day.
Bradshaw: Paul, I'm Bradshaw!
Paul: No. Taker is the cowboy on SD.
Bradshaw: No. I'm JBL now, and I've got a title shot on Judgement Day.
Paul: WTF?
Bradshaw: Me v Eddie. Main Event.
Paul: I'm gone 3 weeks and this is the crap that happens. Jesus! I'm gonna see Vince!!!

tucsonspeed6:

Rikishi found out the hard way that the world where time runs backwards was not all it was cracked up to be when he attempted to do his pre-match ritual of taking a big stinky crap...

Moments later, the doors to the arena slammed shut and a mysterious blaze roared through the building, incinerating everyone in attendance.

Vastardikai:

Rene: You're the world's worst actress, aren't you?

Torrie: You Remembered!

loopydate:

RIKISHI: So THAT's what my feet look like!

[IMG]RICO: MY CREDIBILITY! I knew I left you somewhere![/IMG]
Charlie couldn't help but weep. In just two short months, he'd gone from one-half of the World's Greatest Tag Team to one-half of the Ambiguously Gay Duo.

JBL: ...which would be the perfect opportunity to sell. Now, when the NASAQ...
PAUL (thinking): That DOES look like a giant potato chip!

CENA: You were in "Selena!" You were responsible for J-Lo's career taking off!

D-VON: Why, yes, Eddie. That blonde in the front row is ho--OW, MY EYE!

JBL: ...down 3 3/4. Now, would you like me to tell you about the top tech stocks in the--Eddie? Dammit, I've done it again.

RAW [4-26-2004]
Corkscrewed:

Lita never believed the stories her mom told about the "Botch Monster" coming to eat her if she made enough mistakes. Now, she was starting to regret that.

"So I push one of these buttons and someone's push magically disappears? Wow, this Triple H machine is fun!"

Benoit: "If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be? "
Michaels: "Taylor Hanson."
Benoit: "Taylor Hanson is a guy."
Michaels: "Hahaha! You guys are yankin' me. 'Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire.'"
Benoit: "No, he's actually a guy, Shawn."
Michaels: "What? That's insane. That's impossible. *Pause* Oh god. Oh my god. I've got all these magazines. Oh god."

Orton: "Lemme get this straight. You were called 'The King,' but you DIDN'T scream 'PUPPIES!' every five seconds???"

PureHatred:

Lita was terrified by Kane's breathe. But Kane was even more scared that Lita would botch the kiss and kill them both.

Triple H had blamed everyone else for the low ratings the last few years. It was now Mr. Planty's turn.

Rock Bottom:

That would be the last time these two had a threesome with Rhyno.

Triple H: I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CRAP. Unbelievable. How DARE you have leaves greener than my face.
Tree: ...
Triple H: Look at me when I'm talking to you, you jobbing piece of shit.

Lawler: There's Charlie everywhere... WATCH YOUR TAIL, HE'S RIGHT ON YOU! Man oh man oh man... NO! GOD DAMNIT PULL UP! PULL UP! ARGH! (Begins weeping) DIE YOU GOOK BASTARDS! DIE! DIE!!!!!
Christian: I knew I shouldn't have let him do a top-rope move.

Triple H: (Stomp) That (Stomp) will (Stomp) teach (Stomp) you (Stomp) to (Stomp) speak (Stomp) better (Stomp) Japanese (Stomp) than (Stomp) ME.

Flair: See Edge, this is what I'm talking about. Foley is so fat and out of shape, he can't go... more than... five... m... (ZzZzZzZzZ)

loopydate:

GAIL: As the future World Women's Champion, I encourage you from time to time - and always in a respectful manner - to critique my matches. If you're unconvinced that a particular move I've used is the wisest, tell me so, but allow me to convince you and I promise you right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo. Except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up the fact that I'm a Canadian being announced as "from Korea" as a negative is - I collect your ****ing arm. Just like this ****er here. Now, if any of you botchtastic bitches got anything else to say, NOW'S THE ****ING TIME! I didn't think so.

HHH: Yeah? Well...uh...YOUR roots don't look natural, either!

Nowhere Man:

The classic Triple H/Tajiri Unenthusiastic Disco Contest ended in tragedy when both men were killed in a surprise nerve gas attack.

The horror that struck Grand Master Sexay when he learned his goggles were stuck to his head was only matched by the horror that struck him when he learned that his hands were now stuck to his goggles. If he'd only watched more Rhyno matches while he was out.....

The whole idea of "making the save" didn't really dawn on Tyson until just after he and Jericho had ripped Trish in half.

Finally, the two find solace and romance with one another, and spend the rest of their lives happily inspecting each other's teeth.

People always bust HHH's chops for not selling anyone else's offense, but Flair taking a nap while Edge has his own finisher on him is really crossing the line.

El Santo:

HHH: "You march on Isengard, dammit, or all Middle Earth is lost!!"

GMS: "Oh my God! I came back to the WWE, and I have no wrestling skills whatsoever!" Pounds head. "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!"

Things got horribly surreal when "The Magician" Tyson Tomko pulled Trish Stratus out of Jericho's ass.

JR: "And on the ring ropes, ladies and gentlemen, is the tightest ass I have ever seen! ... And Stacy's there, too."

Vastardikai:

The bookers learned a horrible lesson that day: Lita's bad acting can cause projectile vomitting.

SmackDOWN! [4-29-2004]
Corkscrewed:

Booker T gained even more heel heat when he offered two Big Macs to the Undertaker right in plain view of Paul Bearer.

Taker was not amused by Booker's whoopi cushion.

Rock Bottom:

Not satisfied with just regular Olympic Gold, Kurt Angle goes for the Special Olympic Gold Medals!

Rene was dead set on making Kurt a proud man by going out there and winning the Naked Olympics.

Chavo called off his open challenge when he was defeated in his first bout against "The World." Apparently, Cheech Martin had a knack for ladder matches.

Nowhere Man:

Angle succumbs to Heyman's nefarious psychological warfare when Paul E. plays the ending of Old Yeller on the Titantron.

Charles Robinson should have stepped in to put a stop to the brutality, but someone in the crowd brought in a boom-box with the Macarena song and, dammit, he just had to dance!

Dupree was never really comfortable with the company's policy of broadcasting annual physicals on live TV, especially when it was his turn to cough.

There was no doubt that Chavo was one of the toughest bastards in the WWE. No one, and I mean NO ONE, has ever withstood the Sicilian Crotch Chomp, but Chavo barely even flinches.

Booker tried his hardest to finish his promo and not pay attention to the fact that he'd been set on fire.

RVD: Dude, wake up! The match has started!
Bubba: Ughhh...five more minutes...
RVD: Come one, man! We're gonna get in trouble!
Bubba: I don't wanna go to school today...

Lamuella:

Mrs Angle had to stop halfway through the story to reassure Kurt that eventually the little boy would find The Puppy Who Lost His Way

On the other side of the pants, to avoid any confusion, was the word 'hdiick'

El Santo:

Despite initial hesitation from internet smarks, the WWE's first "Steaming Bowl of Milk" Match was a surprising success.

Taker: *getting up* "Hold on a second... BRADSHAW's getting the main event a Judgment Day?"

loopydate:

Charles Robinson was terrified. Torrie was in trouble, and here he was, trapped in this damned invisible box!

D-Von knew he should have finished off RVD, but damned if he didn't feel like Chicken Tonight.

The Undertaker was tough before, but now that he had his own pet Oompa Loompa...

04-09-2004, 03:19 AM	#83
Corkscrewed Posts: 18,357	SmackDOWN! [4-22-2004] Vastardikai: Paul: Your check is in the mail... What? gonMad00: If anyone can carry Cheech-- i mean, Chavo Sr. through a match, it's Forrest-- I mean, Cena. Now it was Haas' turn to be in a cage. To make it worse.. with Rico. Rock Bottom: D'Von's "Captain Obvious" gimmick was a success, as he called Bubba and RVD homos mid-coitus. Bradshaw: My financial advice team will do their very best to make sure you get the soundest, most efficient advice. Just ask one of my many satisfied clients. (Clip shows) Bradshaw: So you see, as long as you write bad checks, you don't have to pay the wrestlers... So far, their date was going extremely well. All the advice Rene got from the guys in the locker room seemed to work. That is... Until he got to Austin's advice. That would be the last time Torrie starred in a porn with Gangrel. Bradshaw knew that smell my finger trick would work after fingering Stephanie McMahon. Corkscrewed: Cole: "No Austin! Don't that poor, innocent woman!" Tazz: "That's Renee Dupree, not Steve Austin!" Cole: "Sorry. Force of habit." Eddie: "Suck my balls, D-Von! That's right, I'm EDDIE GUERRERO, BITCH! As his promo reached his twelfth hour, Bradshaw couldn't help but notice people weren't paying as much attention as before. El Santo: Bubba: "Look, Paul, I agree we have to take drastic measures to bring Smackdown's ratings up, but 'Rob Van Dam, the White Afro Thunder' is just not going to go over." RVD: "All right, I'm a horse! Vince HAS to push me now!" D-Von: "Um, Rob..." Bubba: "Let him be, D-Von. Let him be." Sure, Rikishi was always game for flag football! Unfortunately, he'd misheard the "flag" part. Fans were shocked when, suddenly, Rikishi pooped out Liberace! JR: "Mah God, King! He was NEVER dead! He was just up Rikishi's ass all this time!" Haas: "Oh God! Powerful... magnets! Trying... to take... belts... away! .... Ah hell, might as well have fun. Wheeeeee!" At this moment, Haas started to suspect that there was something weird about his new ring valet. Renee was torn. Torrie ... or Fifi? Decisions, decisions... big_bluto: Paul: Look, Taker, you've been told that you've got a match against Booker T at Judgement Day. Bradshaw: Paul, I'm Bradshaw! Paul: No. Taker is the cowboy on SD. Bradshaw: No. I'm JBL now, and I've got a title shot on Judgement Day. Paul: WTF? Bradshaw: Me v Eddie. Main Event. Paul: I'm gone 3 weeks and this is the crap that happens. Jesus! I'm gonna see Vince!!! tucsonspeed6: Rikishi found out the hard way that the world where time runs backwards was not all it was cracked up to be when he attempted to do his pre-match ritual of taking a big stinky crap... Moments later, the doors to the arena slammed shut and a mysterious blaze roared through the building, incinerating everyone in attendance. Vastardikai: Rene: You're the world's worst actress, aren't you? Torrie: You Remembered! loopydate: RIKISHI: So THAT's what my feet look like! [IMG]RICO: MY CREDIBILITY! I knew I left you somewhere![/IMG] Charlie couldn't help but weep. In just two short months, he'd gone from one-half of the World's Greatest Tag Team to one-half of the Ambiguously Gay Duo. JBL: ...which would be the perfect opportunity to sell. Now, when the NASAQ... PAUL (thinking): That DOES look like a giant potato chip! CENA: You were in "Selena!" You were responsible for J-Lo's career taking off! D-VON: Why, yes, Eddie. That blonde in the front row is ho--OW, MY EYE! JBL: ...down 3 3/4. Now, would you like me to tell you about the top tech stocks in the--Eddie? Dammit, I've done it again. RAW [4-26-2004] Corkscrewed: Lita never believed the stories her mom told about the "Botch Monster" coming to eat her if she made enough mistakes. Now, she was starting to regret that. "So I push one of these buttons and someone's push magically disappears? Wow, this Triple H machine is fun!" Benoit: "If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be? " Michaels: "Taylor Hanson." Benoit: "Taylor Hanson is a guy." Michaels: "Hahaha! You guys are yankin' me. 'Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire.'" Benoit: "No, he's actually a guy, Shawn." Michaels: "What? That's insane. That's impossible. Pause Oh god. Oh my god. I've got all these magazines. Oh god." Orton: "Lemme get this straight. You were called 'The King,' but you DIDN'T scream 'PUPPIES!' every five seconds???" PureHatred: Lita was terrified by Kane's breathe. But Kane was even more scared that Lita would botch the kiss and kill them both. Triple H had blamed everyone else for the low ratings the last few years. It was now Mr. Planty's turn. Rock Bottom: That would be the last time these two had a threesome with Rhyno. Triple H: I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CRAP. Unbelievable. How DARE you have leaves greener than my face. Tree: ... Triple H: Look at me when I'm talking to you, you jobbing piece of shit. Lawler: There's Charlie everywhere... WATCH YOUR TAIL, HE'S RIGHT ON YOU! Man oh man oh man... NO! GOD DAMNIT PULL UP! PULL UP! ARGH! (Begins weeping) DIE YOU GOOK BASTARDS! DIE! DIE!!!!! Christian: I knew I shouldn't have let him do a top-rope move. Triple H: (Stomp) That (Stomp) will (Stomp) teach (Stomp) you (Stomp) to (Stomp) speak (Stomp) better (Stomp) Japanese (Stomp) than (Stomp) ME. Flair: See Edge, this is what I'm talking about. Foley is so fat and out of shape, he can't go... more than... five... m... (ZzZzZzZzZ) loopydate: GAIL: As the future World Women's Champion, I encourage you from time to time - and always in a respectful manner - to critique my matches. If you're unconvinced that a particular move I've used is the wisest, tell me so, but allow me to convince you and I promise you right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo. Except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up the fact that I'm a Canadian being announced as "from Korea" as a negative is - I collect your **ing arm. Just like this er here. Now, if any of you botchtastic bitches got anything else to say, NOW'S THE ING TIME! I didn't think so. HHH: Yeah? Well...uh...YOUR roots don't look natural, either! Nowhere Man: The classic Triple H/Tajiri Unenthusiastic Disco Contest ended in tragedy when both men were killed in a surprise nerve gas attack. The horror that struck Grand Master Sexay when he learned his goggles were stuck to his head was only matched by the horror that struck him when he learned that his hands were now stuck to his goggles. If he'd only watched more Rhyno matches while he was out..... The whole idea of "making the save" didn't really dawn on Tyson until just after he and Jericho had ripped Trish in half. Finally, the two find solace and romance with one another, and spend the rest of their lives happily inspecting each other's teeth. People always bust HHH's chops for not selling anyone else's offense, but Flair taking a nap while Edge has his own finisher on him is really crossing the line. El Santo: HHH: "You march on Isengard, dammit, or all Middle Earth is lost!!" GMS: "Oh my God! I came back to the WWE, and I have no wrestling skills whatsoever!" Pounds head. "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!" Things got horribly surreal when "The Magician" Tyson Tomko pulled Trish Stratus out of Jericho's ass. JR: "And on the ring ropes, ladies and gentlemen, is the tightest ass I have ever seen! ... And Stacy's there, too." Vastardikai: The bookers learned a horrible lesson that day: Lita's bad acting can cause projectile vomitting. SmackDOWN! [4-29-2004] Corkscrewed: Booker T gained even more heel heat when he offered two Big Macs to the Undertaker right in plain view of Paul Bearer. Taker was not amused by Booker's whoopi cushion. Rock Bottom: Not satisfied with just regular Olympic Gold, Kurt Angle goes for the Special Olympic Gold Medals! Rene was dead set on making Kurt a proud man by going out there and winning the Naked Olympics. Chavo called off his open challenge when he was defeated in his first bout against "The World." Apparently, Cheech Martin had a knack for ladder matches. Nowhere Man: Angle succumbs to Heyman's nefarious psychological warfare when Paul E. plays the ending of Old Yeller on the Titantron. Charles Robinson should have stepped in to put a stop to the brutality, but someone in the crowd brought in a boom-box with the Macarena song and, dammit, he just had to dance! Dupree was never really comfortable with the company's policy of broadcasting annual physicals on live TV, especially when it was his turn to cough. There was no doubt that Chavo was one of the toughest bastards in the WWE. No one, and I mean NO ONE, has ever withstood the Sicilian Crotch Chomp, but Chavo barely even flinches. Booker tried his hardest to finish his promo and not pay attention to the fact that he'd been set on fire. RVD: Dude, wake up! The match has started! Bubba: Ughhh...five more minutes... RVD: Come one, man! We're gonna get in trouble! Bubba: I don't wanna go to school today... Lamuella: Mrs Angle had to stop halfway through the story to reassure Kurt that eventually the little boy would find The Puppy Who Lost His Way On the other side of the pants, to avoid any confusion, was the word 'hdiick' El Santo:** Despite initial hesitation from internet smarks, the WWE's first "Steaming Bowl of Milk" Match was a surprising success. Taker: getting up "Hold on a second... BRADSHAW's getting the main event a Judgment Day?" loopydate: Charles Robinson was terrified. Torrie was in trouble, and here he was, trapped in this damned invisible box! D-Von knew he should have finished off RVD, but damned if he didn't feel like Chicken Tonight. The Undertaker was tough before, but now that he had his own pet Oompa Loompa... Last edited by Corkscrewed; 05-04-2004 at 06:59 PM.