SURPRISE!!!
Look who's back for one more round! Too bad I'm 4 days too late. Aw, well. Happy Easter and stuff.
Eddie couldn't believe that Bradshaw had brought back one of his favorite old-school gimmicks for his tag team partner. He always remembered Mantaur being taller, though.
D-Von and Rikishi prepare a symbolic reenactment of Raw's treatment of Smackdown's talent pool.
Despite rave reviews by even the harshest of critics,
Scotty 2 Hotty, the Musical was a flop on Broadway.
No one was quite sure what the strange Sign Guy meant by "They're Indestructable and Use Them The Wood," but if they had just asked him instead of dismissing him as a lunatic, the horrific Super Termite Invasion of 2006 could have been prevented.
Haas: Shelton got to go over WHO?!?!
Kurt: Hey, I didn't believe it either.
Haas: So why am I still jobbing on the B-shows?
Kurt: Ever hear of Marty Janetty?
Haas: No
Kurt: Exactly!
Chavo Sr. hated to do this to his own son, but he had to do what was right and get the decision of the match reversed. According to state law, referees' decisions in wrestling matches were completely invalid if said referees were in fact homos.
Teddy: Spike! I'm a big fan! You have got to be the best incredibly scrawny no-chance-to-ever-be-pushed jobber on the whole show!
Shannon: .......
John Cena was not only WWE's United States Wrestling Champion, but the Undisputed World Champion of Spontaneously Discovering One's Own Left Elbow.
The WWE's first attempt at the dangerous Japanese Piggyback Ride Deathmatch would've been great, had they not botched the opening spot.
Booker T was a little peeved when WWE installed ring-post signs that indicated where one's career was going.
Big Show had to do his best to hold this match together, but it wasn't gonna be easy. I mean, Van Dam COMPLETELY missed his hurricanrana here.
Results were in for WWE's first annual "Vote for the next up-and-coming potential megastar for Vince to de-push despite the wishes of his own viewers and loyal fans" contest
Eddie was getting pretty tired of Kurt's desperate attempts to one-up the WWE Champion. Yeah, the Olympic Gold Medals were impressive and stuff, but by the time he'd started breaking out his old Pinewood Derby trophies, it was pretty obvious that he was scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Teddy Long finds your lack of faith disturbing.
Sure, Stamboli's in-ring work might need a little tweaking, but NOBODY does a better Popeye impression than him.
Just to mess with the fans, Spike and Stamboli completely reenact the Big Show/Van Dam match from earlier in the show.
Y'know, I was skeptical at first when he started doing it, but honestly, Spike's got the best Boss Man Slam I've ever seen.
Stamboli was happy he'd gotten a new manager, but he really wished they'd picked someone better than Teddy "King of the Belchers" Long.
Angle was proud to announce the competitors for the fourth annual Stupid Clothes for White People competition.
Bradshaw couldn't help but laugh. Cena's impression of "a wood shop teacher at a rock concert" always cracked him up.
Bradshaw, master of the Dark Arts of McMahonicus, begins to slowly but surely drain the heat and talent from Angle to use it for his own evil purposes. You'd be surprised what you can learn from watching old tapes of Hulk Hogan.
Being drained of all his wrestling talents didn't leave Angle completely bereft, though. After all that, he
still had the most feared nipple clamp in all of wrestling, as Cena was about to learn the hard way.
Angle got one measure of revenge, slapping a "Bury Me" sign on JBL's back without him knowing.
After the last buget cut, WWE could only afford to have pictures of their wrestlers appear on TV. Fortunately, no one but the most dedicated fans seemed to notice.
Mixing all of the Undertaker's Dead Man and Biker gimmicks was confusing enough, but making him an undead cowboy biker
pimp was the last straw.
Guerrero's celebration was ruined when "Under-Daddy-Take-Izzle" attacked from behind.
Kurt/JBL:
Young Man!.....there's no need to feel down, I say,
young man!....just 'cause you're new in town, I say....
Tragedy struck when Eddie, in the middle of a promo, ate his own lower jaw.
Sure, he was still massively over, but Eddie still couldn't help but feel that his new gimmick as "Vinnie Vegas 2K4" wasn't such a great idea.
This picture was going to be great caption material, but some jerk in the stands bumped the photographer just as he was pressing the button on the camera.
It was finally certain that Vince had completely and utterly lost his mind when he had the WWE Champion jobbing to inanimate objects.
Even Bradshaw was surprised that he was getting a shot at the WWE Title.