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*Scribble scribble in notepad...*
"dear diary, it has been nearly six years since my last post here. I offered someone the chance to continue the story, but nobody ever did. Are they still coming? I can never be absolutely sure. This thread is so desolate...perhaps if I break the rules just once somebody will see that I did and will come and rescue me."
*Pyros go off signalling the start of Raw.*
JR: We're here in the Explodo-dome of Springfield! Tonight's Raw is going to be great, but first we're going to kick things off with a message from the Raw Yankee North's own General Manager...
Heyman: ERIC BISCHOFF!!!
*Bischoff's music hits. He walks up to the ring.*
JR: Heyman, what the hell are you doing here? Where's King?
Heyman: Well, to answer your questions in order, I'm here to commentate, and King is currently having some issues with the DEA...seems he borrowed his nephew's car and tried to visit some family across the border.
JR: You'd better not try to pull anything. I'll be watching you.
Heyman: You do that, "Good ole JR," I'll just commentate the matches for you.
*Bischoff gets into the ring.*
Bischoff: I have some exciting news for you all!
*The crowd boos loudly.*
Bischoff: You stupid Springfieldoids. You'll never get it! Your sports team sucks. But to continue, there has been a trade between the Yankee North's Raw, and the South's Smackdown.
JR: I wonder who it could be?
Heyman: *scrunching up his face* "Bah Gawd, they've traded a scalded dog for some barbeque sauce!"
*JR scowls at Heyman*
Bischoff: After trading Ross Perot and Ted Kennedy, we have recieved a worker who easily excedes the talents of both of these men....but you stupid Springfieldanoids will have to wait, just like you'll have to wait for your sports team to win the championship! *Crowd boos insanely* Instead, I think I'll start the show with a match pitting John Kerry in a no holds barred handicap match against Dick Chenney and Condolezza Rice!
*Crowd goes nuts at the mentioning of the match. Bischoff steps out of the ring as the wrestlers make their entrances. The camera turns to JR as he commentates. Heyman wears a tiny cowboy hat and sits slightly behind JR, mocking his every word.*
JR: Folks, I cannot stress enough how shocking this match is.
*Heyman continues to mock JR*
JR: It's a damn outrage!
*As the Kerry enters the ring last, the ref calls for the bell to start the match. Condolezza Rice climbs up on the ropes and shouts to the crowd that she was not aware of the terrorist threat prior to 9/11, as Kerry and Chenney fight. The crowd seems to be more interested in booing Rice than watching the match. Cheney quickly works Kerry into the corner and begins working on his arm. Kerry fights back and pulls a quick DDT to halt the action.*
JR: He's a scalded dog! He can't face Kerry! He's too afraid of him!
Heyman: You know what, JR? It's great to have the Sooners playing in Smackdown territory! I bet they don't even let you watch the games!
JR: that's a total lie! I watch them and eat BBQ sause all day!
*Rice jumps in and quickly kicks Kerry back down as he tries to get up. Chenney pushes her back and does a quick leg drop on Kerry. Cheney whispers something to Rice. As he does, a look of joy sweeps across her face. She quickly exits the ring and grabs a chair from ringside. As Cheney continues to work on Kerry, Rice slides the chair into the ring. As the ref runs over to the chair to throw it back out, Rice tears open her shirt, distracting the ref.*
Heyman: Boy, I sure hope they've got basic cable where King is! "Puppies!"
JR: Shut up!
*Cheney runs over and dropkicks the ref out of the ring. He then grabs the chair and positions it over Kerry's chest, ready to slam it down.*
JR: I don't believe that coward! He's going to do the one man cardiac arrest! That move is illegal and he knows it!
*Suddenly, a really boring music hits as a middleaged man slowly strolls out to the ring. Heyman suddenly becomes very aggitated.*
JR: Who the hell is this? It must be the guy they traded from Smackdown! ...Heyman, are you ok? You look like you're about to explode!
Heyman: It's....nothing....I'm.....fine!
*Cheney stands in the middle of the ring dumbfounded. Kerry slowly gets back up. Rice attempts to attack the middle aged man at the side of the ring, but he quickly lands a vicious spear on her.*
JR: Who is this guy?!?!
*Heyman begins turning red as if he were holding back a storm brewing inside. Steam begins spewing out of his ears.*
JR: Do you know who he is?
*Heyman's eyes almost begin to roll back into his head. Suddenly he springs from his seat and shouts at the top of his lungs..."
Heyman: GOOOOOORRRRRRREEEEE!!!!! GOOOOOOORRRRRRREEEEEE!!!!!! GOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S AL GORE YOU OKLAHOMA REDNECK IDIOT!!!! GOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRREEEEE!!!!
*Kerry quickly gets to his feet and grabs Cheney for a suplex. It's his special move: the Agent Orange. Kerry drops onto Cheney for the pin. Gore throws the ref back into the ring. THe ref counts 1,2,3. Raw ends as Kerry and Gore stand in the ring victorious.*
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