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Marge: Have you noticed any change in Bart?
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No... he looks like something might be disturbing him.
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge: That's not what I meant.
Homer: It was, Marge, admit it.
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Marge: Homer! Come quick! Bart's quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!
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Hutz: Now Marge, you've come to the right place. By hiring me as your lawyer, you also get this smoking monkey.
[sniff] Better cut down there, Smokey! [laughs]
Marge: Mr. Hutz!
Hutz: [excited] Look - he's taking another puff!
Marge: Mr. Hutz! This was all a misunderstanding; I didn't mean to take anything. [Lionel disappointedly drops the smoking monkey in a drawer full of identical critters]
Hutz: Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I - uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace the word 'accidently' with 'repeatedly', and the word 'dog' with 'son'.
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Hutz: Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, and I couldn't help overhearing that you need a babysitter. Of course, being a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour.
Homer: We pay eight dollars for the night, and you can take two popsicles out of the freezer.
Hutz: Three.
Homer: Two.
Hutz: OK, two. And I get to keep this old bird cage.
Homer: Done!
Hutz: [proudly] Still got it.
A lot of my favourites have been posted already, since I got here uncharacteristically late.
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