Chances are, by the time I'm done with this, 5 or 6 people will have already gone, so forgive me if the jokes have already been done.
Not satisfied with being the Legend Killer, Randy Orton unveils another talent by wrestling and doing an awesome Popeye impression at the same time.
Batista proves he's the new master of mind games, jamming his own face into Tajiri's crotch until the plucky cruiserweight was so uncomfortable with it that he had to tap out.
Unbeknownst to Orton, Edge sets up for his most devastating finisher yet: the Human Enema.
The entire thing completely went to hell once the ref called out "Right Hand Red"
Shane "The Human Cannonball" Helms claims another victim.
Conway would've gotten more cheap heat when he called the entire audience homos, but nobody took him seriously with that big flag sticking out the side of his head.
Kane gives Steven Richards a big high-five after a hard fought match...
...and then cements his position as a major heel by Chokeslamming him and stealing his powers.
Hardy had seen a lot in his career, but even the Sensei of Mattitude was awed by the sheer majesty of Jericho Crossing the Delaware.
Lita: "Hello, my name is Lita, and I'm a botcher."
Botchers Annonymous: "Hi, Lita."
Lita: "I didn't realize I had a botching problem until a few months ago, when (botches sentence)"
Jeff Hardy: "It's okay, Lita, you've got to stay strong."
Randy Orton: "Just take it one spot at a time, Lita, one spot at a time."
Kevin Nash: "We're all friends here. We're behind you with this."
Lita: "Thanks, guys. That means a lot."
The obsession angle wasn't particularly disturbing in its beginning stages, but it
really got creepy when Kane started giving Lita zerbits.
(rep to anyone who knows what a zerbit is)
Jacobs was done with coming up with insane and stupid gimmicks of his own, and now had to copy off of failed gimmicks from other wrestlers. But that's not a bad thing.....that's.....a GOOD thing!
As if the Kane/Lita/Matt Hardy angle wasn't disgusting enough, Christian and Jericho decided to re-enact the last scene just to keep the audience up to speed.
Christian and Tomko were getting ready for an intense showdown, when Jericho's infamous narcolepsy kicked up again.
WWE Films' remake of
Gone With the Wind was a smash hit.
The ref was adamant, but Victoria insisted that this was no time for a staring contest.
Victoria's body spasmed violently after the ruthless Gail Kim tore her head clean off.
The ref wasn't entirely sure how these two got tangled up so badly, but he knew that he was gonna need a pair of pliers and a crowbar to get this mess undone.
This wasn't what I meant when I said I want to see Victoria's head between Gail's legs, but whatever.
Benoit wasn't exactly thrilled when Michaels decided it was time for him to "pay his dues" on national television.
Suddenly, the challenger ripped off his mask and revealed himself to be Chris Jericho! Hunter's security team scrambled when they found out that main event security had been compromised, but by now the damage had been done.
The most bizarre tag team match comes to its conclusion when Benoit makes Shawn tap to the Crossface, and Mike Chioda simultaneously knocks out Steven Richards with a vicious karate chop.
Benoit finally gets the best of the Heartbreak Kid by using one of the Forbidden Techniques of the old Hart family Dungeon: The Calgary Nipple-Clamp.
Benoit is as shocked as the rest of the world when his arms turn heel and clock him with the Title belt.
Hunter gets his revenge on the upstart champion by crushing his head.