THE SCHLOME SAYS......
Time to review WWE: NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS 2010
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Welcome guys and dolls to another exciting and cheeto filled review by your resident nice guy, SCHLOMEY! Now lets head down to the ring to the match in progress.
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INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE
Dolph Ziggler vs Kofi Kingston
My roomate made me go grocery shopping. Obviously a massive cockblock to a wrestling fan. I missed this match and will edit in the review once I see it. For now it's vacant.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler
CM Punk vs The Big Giant Show Monster
Great promo from Punky Brewster to start this thing. The "lets set this city on fire again" comment was harsh and stung even I who has no ties to that city whatsoever. Good job, browski. The match was good. I have hated this feud since the beginning since, ya know, Big Show has basically killed the SES every second of TV time they have been given. I though TONIGHT is the night that Punk goes over....Yeah...WRONG. The match was good. The finish was too early and somewhat anti-climactic as neither guy really seemed to get off the ground. Punks undercard matches have often times been plagued with not enough time to tell a good story...Remember his Mania watch with Rey for one example.
Winner: Big Giant Show Monster with a punch to the bald spot.
MATCH RATING: 5 ugly Big Show bandannas out of 10
UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP
The Miz vs Daniel Bryanson
Match of the night. No question. Miz stood toe to toe with one of the more accomplished technical wrestlers working today and not only made it enjoyable...but more importantly..believable. This match is like very few the WWE have EVER presented to their audience and I HOPE HOPE HOPE we get to see more matches like this in the near future.
Winner and new US Champ: Daniel Bryan with the Labell Lock
MATCH RATING: 10 MITB briefcases out of 10
DIVA/WOMENS TITLE UNIFICATION LUMBERJILL MATCH
McTaker vs Mexican Diva
The cigarette I enjoyed during this match down in the kitchen gets a 5 star rating. I caught the end of the match by accident...didn't expect them to get a full 5 minutes! It was ok what I saw but glad I didn't have to see the whole thing.
Winner and new champ: Michelle McTaker
MATCH RATING: 5 small breasts out of 10
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
Kane vs Undertaker
This is the best match in their long history together. It had slow moments but overall it was quite enjoyable. Really happy to see Kane finally get a PPV victory over his brother. It loses points in the originality department and for the 5 minutes it took Taker to leave.
Winner: Kane with the tombstone
MATCH RATING: 7 biker kane sightings out of 10
TAG TEAM TITLE GAUNTLET
Usos vs Bourne/Henry vs CodyTire vs Harts vs Koztino
Ok. First off let me say that I HATE HATE HATE thrown together tag teams....and equally bad are comedic tag teams. Where was Archer/Hawkins or The Dudebusters..Ya know...LEGITIMATE tag teams that might actually deserve to wrestle on a program? Anyways I hated this match until the end. How realistic and smart is it to have 3 falls last no more than a minute each? Seriously, way to put over a "strong tag team division" WWE....you fucks. Anyways once it got down to Henry/Bourne and Cody/McIntire it turned in to a great match. I love that pairing even though it was kind of just thrown together at least they are making it work. All points in this match go directly to the "Make Me Dashing Fund".
Winners and NEW tag team champs: The Dashing Duo
MATCH RATING: 4 Mark Henry fat rolls out of 10
WWE TITLE MATCH
Jericho vs Barrett vs Edge vs Sheamus vs Orton vs Cena
Great match except Jericho. In the chats I called it before the match even started..Jericho would be fucked over and out within 2-3 minutes of the match starting...Low and behold the WWE didn't let me down. Fuck that. Horrid way to go out. The rest of the match was top notch with tons of good ring psychology and really good sequences. I especially loved the "we know everything about each other" sequence between Orton and Cena and also sequence that ended with Edge getting eliminated. That was just really good timing all around. Overall this match did everything I wanted it to except for Jericho once again not being able to give me my moneys worth....well....my time worth. haha.
Winner and new champ: Randy "I actually smiled at the end" Orton
MATCH RATING: 8 drunken Cena handjobs out of 10
OVERALL OPINION
I have heard rumblings that this PPV was "great" and "FINALLY the WWE has put on an amazing PPV this year"....bullshit. It had a couple good matches and 2 great ones. But the little things that pissed me off through the evening really made it almost not enjoyable at times. The stalling...the long vignettes...Albert Del Rio vids again...Jericho.....lame tag team problems....All that put together made it just an ok PPv with a few great moments.
OVERALL RATING: 39 out of 60
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BEST MATCH OF THE NIGHT
Bryan vs Miz
WORST MATCH OF THE NIGHT
Tag Team Gauntlet Match
BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE NIGHT
The Miz
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE NIGHT
Chris Jericho (only because it was thrust upon him)
BEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT
Daniel Bryan wins the US Title
WORST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT
Jericho getting fucked again