[XL]

[The opening montage and pyro go off. We are then taken ringside.]

Emma Dilemma: Welcome to Monday Mindwarp! I’m Emma Dilemma, and with me is Tony Gooch. Say Tony, Did You Know that last week’s show placed first in the demographic market of-

Tony Gooch: Nobody cares! Let’s get things started! We’re getting right into it tonight!

Match #1: Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky vs. Michelle McCool

Emma Dilemma: Well, last week it was The Beautiful People versus LayCool… when Awesome Kong came out and well… take a look…

[A quick recap of last week is shown, with Awesome Kong destroying the BPs and LayCool, with Gail Kim just watching and nodding her approval. The rescue by Mickie James, A.J., and Beth Phoenix is also shown. Package ends with Gail on the ramp yelling it was just the beginning.]

Emma Dilemma: Luckily, they were saved before any serious damage could be done… they can’t be one hundred percent, but I don’t think they care… a possible chance for revenge here tonight… and maybe some answers.

[LayCool enters to the jeers of the fans. They move somewhat more gingerly than normal. The Beautiful People enter next, also somewhat gingerly. Gail Kim makes her entrance next, closely tailed by Awesome Kong. Kim and Kong make their way halfway down the ramp when…]

Travis Preston: Excuse me, if we may have your attention, please.

[The faces of Travis and Veronica Preston, brother and sister owners of UCE, have appeared on the tron.]

Veronica Preston: Last week, we had a number of matches that involved outside interlopers affecting the outcome… and that is bad for business.

Travis Preston: This week we WILL have winners. From bell to bell, the competitors WILL be left alone… anyone caught trying to get involved otherwise… anyone even caught ringside… will be suspended indefinitely!

[The faces fade from the tron. LayCool seems pretty upset. Angelina Love seems pretty happy with the scenario. Gail Kim looks as if she is contemplating the matter for a moment. She whispers something to Awesome Kong, and an evil grin spreads on Kong’s face. Kong nods and heads back up the ramp. Angelina Love follows shortly after. Layla heads back quite reluctantly.]

Emma Dilemma: What an announcement from the Prestons! A fair and just one! Now it really is just Gail Kim, Velvet Sky, and Michelle McCool in the ring! And I must say… as much as Velvet and Michelle may dislike each other… it looks like they’ve only got eyes for Gail Kim right now… Gail doesn’t seem too worried about it though…

[The bell rings and immediately Velvet and Michelle go for Kim. They double-team Kim for a bit, but things quickly degenerate as Michelle starts to get a little too bossy and instructive for Velvet’s liking. Velvet and Michelle begin to go at it, while Gail Kim quietly slips to the outside.]

Emma Dilemma: No… come on ladies! The woman who did nothing while you were brutally attacked, the woman who perhaps arranged that attack, is right there! But Velvet Sky and Michelle McCool just can’t seem to get along!

[Velvet and Michelle attack each other with the same level of aggressive hatred displayed last week. At an opportune moment, Gail grabs Velvet by the feet and drags her to the outside. Gail introduces Velvet to the ringpost. Gail back into the ring and she starts to go at it with Michelle. Michelle manages to get a few near falls before Gail firmly takes control. Velvet tries to get back into the ring, but Gail knocks her off the apron with a springboard dropkick, sending her into the guard barriers. Gail shifts back to Michelle and locks in the Argentine Leglock/Stretch Muffler. Michelle struggles, but quickly taps out. ]

Emma Dilemma: Gail Kim with the impressive victory… Velvet Sky and Michelle McCool just could not put aside their differences here tonight, and Kim took advantage of that…

Tony Gooch: Hey, come on! What do you want from them? It was every woman for herself! They would have had to fight each other eventually.

[Gail kicks Michelle out of the ring like a pile of refuse. Gail calls for a microphone. She stands in the middle of the ring, soaking in the boos. Instead of bringing the mic up to talk, Gail smiles and points to the tron.

A disturbing image appears. Awesome Kong… in the men’s room… absolutely demolishing a “random” individual. Kong finishes with a belly to belly right into the side of a stall. The man is not moving. Kong grins a wicked smile as the image fades.

Gail Kim nods, and finally brings the microphone up to her mouth.]

Gail Kim: Women’s wrestling is NOT a piss break. It is not a food break. It is not the time to go out and buy the latest piece of crap with John Cena’s face on it. Though… I understand why you would think so. Women’s wrestling has been a dying art form…

But… I started something in TNA. Where I was the first “Knockout” champion. My battles with Awesome Kong were the very makings of legend. We were trailblazing a Women’s division that women everywhere could be proud of! But then… “The Beautiful People”. Instead of having the very best female athletes compete, these two… harlots stole the focus of the entire division! Concerned only about their looks, and with being “beautiful”, they cared nothing for the industry! I turned my back on the company, as they allowed such a travesty to occur. As the division that I had pioneered was so corrupted.

I went back to the WWE… only to find things more desolate than ever before. Female “wrestlers” who didn’t know a chinlock from a headlock… many who weren’t even dignified with a last name! Then there was LayCool… who were an even greater disgrace than The Beautiful People. The very title that we contended for… turned into a GIANT PURPLE BUTTERFLY! Never before had women’s wrestling been so demeaned.

How? How did it get so bad? How did we go from Trish Stratus, who barely kept things alive herself, to this? I can answer that question. Mickie James. She was passed the torch... and failed at every turn! Instead of leading women’s wrestling into a new age, she let it degrade into THIS.

Veronica Preston wanted a strong women’s division in her federation, and Kong and I… we are going to ensure that she gets it! We are well on our way to putting The Beautiful People and LayCool out for good… next… Next we eliminate the poison that is Mickie James.

But first… tonight… Beth Phoenix has challenged Awesome Kong. Beth… believe it or not… we have nothing against you. Were you not forced to compete in such a joke of a division… you could have been something great. You could contribute greatly to the building of a new and glorious era for women’s wrestling. So you get one chance, and one chance only. Join The Movement and I’ll tell Kong to let this challenge slip by unanswered… refuse… and Kong will destroy you.

[The Ultimatum laid down, Kim lowers the microphone.]

[14 Minutes, Winner by Submission: Gail Kim]

Emma Dilemma: Strong words from Gail Kim…

=====================

[A limo pulls up in the parking lot. The back door opens and John Cena exits in a suit, with the World Title slung over his shoulder.]

John Cena: THE CHAMP IS HERE!!

[He yells to no one in particular.]

John Cena: Now… to find Alberto Del Rio…

[Cena takes a deep breath, shines the title with his sleeve momentarily, and then puts on a vintage Cena smile as he heads into the arena.]

Tony Gooch: YES! The champ is here! We can all breath easy!

Emma Dilemma: The Unofficial champion, remember. He’s just holding on to that belt… but I wonder what he wants with Alberto Del Rio? Don’t go away, we’ve got plenty of great action still to come, with part two of our Unnamed Title Tournament up next! The winner of the tournament gets to name the belt!

==========================

COMMERCIAL BREAK. (A commercial with John Cena endorsing his own brand of Razor Blades and Shaving Products is shown.)

===========================

[Eric Young is stretching backstage… when all of a sudden Darren Young comes out of nowhere with a hug!]

Eric Young: Get off me, you freak! We are NOT related!

Darren Young: Yeah, I know that. I got it all figured out. You see, I was separated from John Cena at birth… and the Youngs, my foster parents, took me in… because they had earlier given up their OWN son for adoption… you!

Eric Young: Right. Then I was coincidentally adopted by another set of Youngs. Also, I am inexplicably white despite my REAL parents being black.

Darren Young: Hey, my real parents were white. It happens. Things get mixed up, I don’t know how it works… But you see… even though I’m not a blood relative… I love my foster parents… and I would be glad to consider you yet another brother! Man, I’m so lucky lately! Me, you, and John should all do something together! Ooh, we should go bowling! I’m sure he’d love tha-

[Eric Young slaps Darren Young hard across the face.]

Eric Young: Stay. Away. From me. You nutjob.

[Eric walks away, leaving Darren once again looking heartbroken and dejected.]

===============================

Match #2: Shelton Benjamin vs. Eric Young: Unnamed Title Tournament Round 1

Tony Gooch: Well that was just downright weird and confusing.

Emma Dilemma: Well, Eric Young now scheduled to go up against Shelton Benjamin in a first round Unnamed Title Tournament matchup. Last week these two were partners in a losing effort. I talked to both men earlier today and they were both unhappy with last week… perhaps looking to prove themselves once again this week to our audience.

[Shelton Benjamin enters to a nice reaction. Eric Young enters afterwards to a slightly less nice reaction. The bell rings and they lock up. It is a fairly competitive match, as the momentum swings back and forth several times. In the end, Shelton hits the Paydirt out of nowhere and picks up the one, two, and then the three as well.]

Emma Dilemma: Shelton Benjamin has done it! A fast paced match-up with impressive showings from both men, but in the end it is Benjamin with the win!

Tony Gooch: And Eric Young beginning to stir… and he doesn’t look pleased one bit!

[Eric looks slightly frustrated as Shelton heads up the ramp…]

[10 Minutes, Winner by Pinfall: Shelton Benjamin]

===========================

[We are backstage. Interviewer Monica Vielle is standing by with Dolph Ziggler.]

Monica Vielle: Dolph. Last week it was Sting versus Alberto Del Rio for an opportunity to fight for the World Title at Wrasslepalooza. You got involved in the match and intentionally caused Sting to be disqualified, handing the victory to Alberto Del Rio. Are you in cahoots with Del Rio?

Dolph Ziggler: No, I am not in “cahoots” with Alberto Del Rio.

Monica Vielle: Then why?

Dolph Ziggler: The why is simple. I’m Dolph Ziggler. I used to go around telling everybody that as often as I could. I’m one of the best in the world… but I have been constantly overlooked and underestimated. Here in the UCE… I have the opportunity to stop telling people my name… and instead… MAKE my name. I have-

[Ziggler is cut off as Alberto Del Rio swaggers into the frame and into the face of Dolph Ziggler. Del Rio has his patented grin on his face… but it fades into serious face.]

Alberto Del Rio: Last week… you put your hands on me. Slapped me right across the face. You gave me the victory, yes… but Alberto Del Rio did not need your “help”. Everybody knows I was well on my way to beating Sting. Tonight we are partners… but if you ever… EVER… try something like that again… you won’t get the chance to make your name, because I will make you nothing but a memory. [Spanish Goes Here]

[Alberto and Ziggler stare each other down.]

Emma Dilemma: Well… Ziggler and Del Rio will be teaming later tonight to take on AJ Styles and Sting… but will they be able to coexist?

====================

COMMERCIAL BREAK. (A commercial with John Cena endorsing his own brand of Energy Drink is shown.)

====================

[Mickie James is getting ready for action in the women’s locker room. A.J. bounces in.]

A.J.: Hey Mickie!

Mickie James: Hey, A.J.

A.J.: Listen, I just wanted to tell you not to pay attention to anything Gail Kim says. You didn’t “drop the ball”. You were one of my inspirations to get into this business, and I can only hope to represent women with as much strength and heart as you have. I’ll always be there for you when you need it.

Mickie James: Thanks, that means a lot to me. But I’m not going to let anything Gail Kim says get under my skin. I’ve had all sorts of things hurled at me during my career, and I’ve overcome them all. Gail Kim is no different.

========================

Emma Dilemma: Mickie James in action later on, but first… our last first round match in the Unnamed Title Tournament!

Match #3: Hernandez vs. Darren Young: Unnamed Title Tournament Round 1

Tony Gooch: Last week Hernandez and Darren Young picked up the victory in the tag match, but Darren wasn’t exactly a fully co-operative partner…

[Darren Young enters to boos. Hernandez makes his entrance next, to a pop. The two lock up in the ring as the bell sounds. Hernandez dominates the early going of the match. Darren turns it around when he slips to the outside and Hernandez goes for the suicide dive and Darren manages to get out of the way. Darren begins to control for a bit on the outside, and then throws Hernandez back into the ring. Darren gets in a few more solid moves before going for… The Five Knuckle Shuffle! He takes too long, and Hernandez moves out of the way and quickly steals the momentum back. Hernandez builds up his special meter and then hits The Border Toss for the three count.]

Emma Dilemma: Hernandez with another impressive victory here tonight!

Tony Gooch: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again! That man right there is my pick to win it all, SuperMex, Hernandez!

Emma Dilemma: Well, we now know that next week it will be Douglas Williams taking on Rhino, and Shelton Benjamin taking on Hernandez in our semi-finals!

[6 Minutes, Winner by Pinfall: Hernandez]

=========================

[As if on cue, we are taken backstage… where Rhino is lacing up his boots in the locker room! Just then, Christian enters the scene!]

Christian: Hey. What was that last week with James Storm?

Rhino: I told you already. I didn’t see what had happened until it was too late.

Christian: Well, what was he doing out there in the first place?

Rhino: I don’t know… but I didn’t ask for it, if that’s what you’re thinking.

[Christian closely examines Rhino’s eyes for lies, then backs up and nods.]

Christian: Ok.

Rhino: If you don’t believe it, you just watch what I do to Storm later tonight. I didn’t appreciate him getting involved in my business, so I laid down the challenge, and word just came… he accepted.

Christian: … Alright. I’ve got your back.

[Christian gives Rhino a friendly slap on the back and then retreats from whence he came.]

=======================
Match #4: Mickie James vs Sarita

Emma Dilemma: Well, that match will be later on… right now, we have Mickie James against Sarita! Sarita, the latest female signing to the UCE! Sarita, originally from Canada, moved to Mexico to hone her craft and competed and trained extensively there, before finally making her move into the United States, hoping to make an even bigger reputation for herself! I have to say, it will be no easy task against Mickie James!

Tony Gooch: Well, earlier tonight Gail Kim called Mickie James poison for women’s wrestling… but perhaps this bout will change her mind!

[Sarita enters to a mixed reaction, while Mickie James enters to a big pop. A.J. bounces out with Mickie to the top of the ramp and wishes her luck, before bouncing back behind the curtain, in accordance with the Preston’s edict earlier tonight.

The two females lock up and the match is on. It is a fast paced encounter from the outset. Sarita seems to be catching Mickie off-guard with her unique style, and begins to take control. The momentum shifts a few times, back and forth, and the two ladies seem to be really having a battle. The end sees Mickie reversing Sarita and catching her in the Mickie-DT, and pinning her for the three count.]

Emma Dilemma: What a match! Sarita with an impressive showing, but Mickie James picks up the win! I hope Gail Kim is watching!

[11 Minutes: Winner by Pinfall: Mickie James]

============================

[Beth Phoenix is watching though! On a monitor in the backstage area. Monica Vielle approaches Beth.]

Monica Vielle: Excuse me, Beth… Earlier tonight Gail Kim put out an ultimatum in response to your challenge… either join her and Awesome Kong in their twisted alliance… or she’ll tell Kong to destroy you.

Beth Phoenix: Well… she’ll get her opportunity to TRY. The bigger they are, the harder they fall… And the Glamazon wants to face and beat the biggest challenges of all. The match is ON.

==============================

COMMERCIAL BREAK. (A commercial with John Cena endorsing his own Breakfast Cereal.)

==============================

[Monica Vielle now stands by with AJ Styles and Sting!]

Monica Vielle: AJ, Sting… later tonight you face off against Alberto Del Rio and Dolph Ziggler! Your thoughts?

AJ Syles: Well, last week I showed the UCE viewers just who AJ Styles is. I took on and beat Darren Young, and then beat Cena’s little “six minute challenge”. I am in the main event at Wrasslepalooza, and I’m going to show up Cena there too! But there’s another man in the match… Alberto Del Rio. Alberto got in my face last week. He’s another person who seems to think that I am nothing special… well tonight I show Alberto that I’m not only “something special”… but that I am something phenomenal.

Sting: Well… I am NOT in the main event at Wrasslepalooza… and that’s because of one man… Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler said that he wants to “make his name”… well let me tell you, Ziggler… many before you have tried to make their name at my expense… and it NEVER ends well! Tonight… IT’S SHOWTIME!

============================
Match #5: Rhino vs. James Storm

Emma Dilemma: That match coming up… but first! Rhino takes on James Storm! Storm assisted Rhino with a victory last week over Christian… Storm has refused to make any comments on the matter…. But Rhino is not happy with Storm getting in his business!

[Rhino makes his entrance to cheers. James Storm enters to jeers. Storm is swigging from the beer bottle as he makes his way down, and looks like he is having the time of his life. As he climbs into the ring, Rhino immediately attacks. Rhino dominates the early going, but James Storm manages to turn things around with a well-placed finger poke (to the eyes). Storm begins to dominate. He works over Rhino for a bit, much to the chagrin of the fans. After a few false starts, Rhino finally manages to mount a comeback. Rhino back in control. Eventually, Rhino has Storm down in the corner. Rhino backs off to set up for the Gore. Storm, on the ground, grabs his beer bottle from the corner and takes a sip from it. He then grasps the bottle in hand as he tries to get to his feet. The ref stops him and grabs the bottle away from him. As the ref is placing the bottle back outside, Storm turns around. Rhino runs at him with the Gore, but Storm spits a mouthful of beer in the eyes of Rhino! Rhino staggers back, blinded. Storm with a superkick… and Storm with the victory!]

Tony Gooch: Ha! James Storm with the impressive victory! I like this guy!

Emma Dilemma: What’s so impressive about spitting beer in someone’s eyes?

Tony Gooch: It’s clever, is what!

[Storm grabs the beer bottle again. He takes a swig. He goes over to Rhino and spits it in his eyes again. He then empties the rest of the contents over Rhino. Storm holds the bottle menacingly now…]

Emma Dilemma: I don’t like the looks of this… BUT WAIT! Here’s Christian! The bell has sounded, so he can be out here now without being suspended! Christian going after Storm! He told Rhino that he’d have his back, and he does! Christian sending Storm to the outside with a big clothline!

[Christian goes over to Rhino to check on him… but Rhino levels him with a big right hand that sends him flying to the mat!]

Tony Gooch: And this is how he repays him! Rhino is a lousy friend!

Emma Dilemma: I think he was still blinded! He must have thought that it was James Storm!

[Rhino starts to regain his vision as he wipes his eyes. Christian is on the mat, holding his arms out in the “what the hell, man” pose. Rhino finally sees, and gets the picture. Rhino tries to apologize but Christian shrugs him off, and leaves the ring.]

[10 Minutes, Winner by Pinfall: James Storm]

====================

[Douglas Williams is backstage. He is addressing the camera directly.]

Douglas Williams: Pathetic. That’s what that was. Rhino is my opponent next week? He can’t even keep his own affairs in order. Certainly he can’t be trusted to name a championship belt with the honor and dignity it deserves. Unlike myself, Douglas Williams. When I win… the belt will be named after a place of culture and history. My homeland of the United Kingdom.

And it WILL be WHEN I win. Who are the other contenders? “Hernandez”? Nothing more than a mere thug who wishes to name the belt after a country whose main exports are drugs and cheap laborers. Last week I made The Great Khali tap out with my superior skills, and Hernandez, as big and strong as he may be, would be no different.

Then we have Shelton Benjamin. We all know his story by now. It is the story of America itself. A lot of promises are made… greatness is foretold… but then inevitably he shoots himself in the foot and fails. Back down to wallow in mediocrity until the next time he starts to show glimpses of “hope”. But we all know the truth… there is no “hope” for Shelton Benjamin.

The only hope there is… is for you all to place your faith in Douglas Williams to bring forth an era of honor and dignity… for the United Kingdom Championship.

=======================

Emma Dilemma: Some harsh words from Douglas Williams to the other semi-finalists…

Tony Gooch: Harsh, but true! That’s why Douglas Williams is, and always has been, my pick to win it all!

Emma Dilemma: Well, we saw John Cena arrive here earlier tonight… but earlier this week I got the chance to have a sit down interview with him, and ask him questions that have been on everybody’s mind since last week. And after that… Beth Phoenix versus Awesome Kong!! Don’t go away!!

=====================

COMMERCIAL BREAK (A commercial with John Cena promoting his Chain Gang Hotline is shown)

======================

[Emma Dilemma sits in John Cena’s palatial looking home.]

Emma Dilemma: Thanks for inviting me here, John.

John Cena: No problem, Emma… and I know exactly why you’re here, so let’s get this over with. I’m a busy man.

[Cena begins to unbuckle his pants belt.]

Emma Dilemma: What? No! I’m just here to interview you!

John Cena: Oh. I knew that. I was just… readjusting. Had a big lunch.

Emma Dilemma: Of course. John, ever since your debut last week on Mindwarp, people have been talking… saying that your attitude has changed somewhat.

John Cena: I don’t see how. I’m still the ridiculously good-looking Superman-like figure that all kids should aspire to be like.

Emma Dilemma: Well, the suits, the plugs for your merchandise, you insisting on being handed the world title… not to mention your treatment of AJ Sty-

John Cena: Hey! Don’t you ever say his name in my house! Bad enough I have to share a ring with him because of a lucky break… I’m not going to have his name being thrown about in my own home!

As for the rest… I was the hottest free agent in wrestling. Everybody was throwing me offers right and left. I wanted more freedom though… and the Prestons gave it to me. I can wear what I want, I can have more leeway in what I do and say, I can control my outside projects… and yeah, I wanted the world title as part of my contract.

But is that so wrong? I am the hero of millions! I just donated three boxes of defective T-shirts to the local orphanage, rather than throw them out! I’m a role model, and a shining example of humanity! Plus, we all know I would have eventually won it anyways, because I’m pretty near unstoppable. If anybody should have it, it’s me. You’d have thought the Prestons would have been all over the ratings that would bring… but no… they tried to screw me.

Well, I say screw them! I AM World Champion, no matter what they say! My lawyers are going over my contract with a Cena-Brand fine-toothed comb! Soon everybody will recognize it, too!

Emma Dilemma: Well, John, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but many are saying that last week, AJ Sty-

John Cena: Hey! I told you not to say that name in my house! This interview is over! I have a meeting with a writer to talk about Volume One of my Official Autobiographical Biography, anyways!

Emma Dilemma: But-

John Cena: I said, the interview is over!

===============================

Emma Dilemma: Well, as you could see, John Cena was not to keen on the subject of AJ Styles.

Tony Gooch: You WERE a bit rude about it.

Emma Dilemma:In any case, let’s move on, because its time for Beth Phoenix, the Glamazon, to challenge herself against a foe unlike any other she has ever faced… Awesome Kong!

============

[A brief video package is shown about both Beth and Kong dominating various opponents]

=============

Match #6: Beth Phoenix vs. Awesome Kong

[Beth makes her entrance to a positive reaction. Awesome Kong enters along with Gail Kim. Gail whispers something to Kong before heading back behind the curtain. Whatever it was, Awesome Kong has that evil grin on her face again.

The fans are going banana as the two women warriors lock horns. Initially, Kong dominates Beth. After awhile, Beth manages to turn it around, and get in some offense. Some quick attacks and… Kong is down to one knee! But Beth can’t finish the job as Kong once again takes control. Lots of “Can anybody stop Awesome Kong” talk going on by the announcers. Beth mounts a second comeback in which she actually succeeds in knocking Kong on her back to the crowd going wild.

Eventually, after some more struggles, Kong takes control and delivers an Awesome Bomb.]

Emma Dilemma: Awesome Bomb! It’s all over! One! Two!

[Kong lifts Beth off of the mat.]