Man, oh man, oh man, what a shitty PPV. Anyways, time for it to get the proper treatment.
Rey's "Guess Who?" may not have been as intense or violent as Benoit's, but it was certainly more interesting.
Unable to wake Bubba up from his mid-match nap, Mysterio decides to finish the match by himself and 'rana the turnbuckle for the pinfall.
The sign in the background gave away an entire month's worth of booking. Evidently, someone decided that everyone's favorite late-night talk show host needed to return to the squared circle.
Unable to wreslte full-time anymore, Kurt wows the audiences through other means, like shoving the microphone completely up his nose.
See? Even Torrie's confused as to why the hell WWE thought anyone would want to see this match again.
Dawn Marie lower "her" trousers and reveals to the world a horrible, horrible secret.
Much like a python or anaconda, Torrie Wilson prepares to unhinge her jaw and swallow Charles Robinson whole.
YOU.....SHALL NOT.....PASSSS!!!!!
Mordecai sure is an intimidating sight. A huge, powerful, zealous fanatic, who can hold his breath like nobody's business. Hear him. Fear him. Just don't poke his cheeks while he's doing that.
Just as he was about to deliver the finishing blow to Scotty, Mordecai suddenly realized he'd left the iron on back at home.
Rico's way of selling a Perfect-Plex was unorthodox, to say the least.
Ref: Put 'er there, pal!
Haas: I can't really do that right now. I'm in the middle of--
Ref: I said put 'er there, pal, and when I say put 'er there, you damn well better PUT 'ER FUCKING THERE!!!!
Haas: Allright, allright!
*puts 'er there*
Charlie was the only one to see the Wile E. Coyote's anvil falling towards them, but by then it was already too late.
Chavo carried out his instructions and held Jackie in place, long enough for the perverted mechanical claw operator to cop a feel.
Chavo Jr. was a little pissed that his father was being pushed as Cruiserweight Champion instead of him, but he clelbrated with the old man nonetheless.
Just as Cena looked as if he had the match won, his right hand suddenly turned on him and obscured his vision. How ironic it was that now Cena couldn't see Dupree.
Even the Smackdown roster and referees couldn't think of a good reason Orton got pushed over Jericho.
As if his hand turning on him wasn't bad enough, the U.S. Champion's hemorrhoids kicked in at the most inappropriate times.
As if the undead zombie cowboy wasn't scary enough, Paul Bearer capitalized on the full moon and brought with him Steven Richards, the Invisible Wolf-Man.
Booker's newly accquired voodoo powers spoke the truth: Mark Calloway was, according to the spirit world, a homo.
Taker was glad that Booker T was nice enough to hold his hand while he went to the ropes. He was deathly afraid of heights.
After hitting the most awkward DDT ever, Booker kicks back for second and gives a "Whaazzzzzuuuuup" to his homies back home (blissfully unaware that the catch-phrase was no longer cool)
Booker: Come on, man, it's just a vertical suplex!
Taker: I don't wanna! I'm scared!
Booker: Man, everyone does these! It's easy, I promise!
Taker: NOOOOO! Scary!
Taker knew he needed to stop drinking once Booker started turning into a big pink elephant.
I will not make a gay joke.....I will not make a gay joke......come on NM, stay strong!
The Phenom brings back the first PPV-quality Karaoke in a long time.
"At first I was afraid...I was petrified.....to think that I could ever live without you by my side....."
Okay, seriously, this is the third picture tonight with a guy in a headlock. I know for a fact that these guys were probably doing a lot more interesting moves aside from headlocks, so what's the freakin' deal?
JBL: "Wait a minute....this isn't the opening match on Velocity....what the hell's going on here?!"
Bradshaw and Eddie entertain the fans by re-enacting every Steven Seagal movie ever.
Bradshaw was shocked once Eddie told him what the last "W" and "E" in "WWE" stood for.
"So what the hell am I doing here? I can't do either of those!"
Bradshaw desparately locked in a sleeper hold, trying to mask the fact that this match was so boring, even the people involved in it couldn't stay awake.
Eddie was livid when he saw that JBL had spilt all the Kool-Aid.
"You *punch* sloppy *punch* son *punch* of *punch* a bitch! Who the hell let you in the main events when you can't even handle the refreshments table?!"
"Dude, calm down! It's just Kool-Aid, man! I'll clean it up!"
"KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN!!!!!!"