TPWW Forums - View Single Post

**tucsonspeed6** · 06-13-2004, 01:29 PM

No order to this. Just listing them off as my hatred swells.

1: Hulk Hogan
I had a girlfriend whose last name was Hogan. She always used to say that he was her daddy....let's just say that as annoying as that is, that's the best thing I have to say about this guy.
Hulk: "Whatcha gonna do, brother?"
Me: "Stare at your big floppy old man tits, grandpa!"
There was nothing quite like spending months of my life watching wrestling and every week it was "Hulk still rules" this and "Hulk doesn't have old man tits" that. Hulkamania had the momentum of a pinecone slowly lodging itself comfortably into my colon, and it was about as enjoyable. If anyone here has ever watched Austin Powers 3, you understand why the hulkamania reborn thing was as painful as it was. There was no content to it. It was just an endless stream of merchandising based on a heard of name. 80's Nostalgia was big at the time, and everybody's heard of Hulk Hogan, so why not profit off of it? Well, it's all great until you realize that the guy should have retired, but he was holding down good talent while he was here. I rate Hogan's final run with the WWE as being worse for midcard heels than Austin's "sheriff" gimmick.

2: Road Dogg How stupid do you have to be to not know how to spell Dog? Was he supposed to be related to Junk Yard Dog? And what was the deal with the shake, rattle, and roll? Road Dogg was one of the icons of a time in the WWF when substance was out and style was in. Go ahead and tell me that Road Dogg was fired for substance abuse....you and I both know that even if Road Dogg remained clean, his gimmick wouldn't have lasted much longer. He would have become another Scotty Too Hotty with a worn out "cool" gimmick and moves that just wouldn't cut it in todays wrestling style. Thank god he got caught with drugs when he did.

3: X-pac Here we have a mediocre wrestler with no charisma whatsoever, and whenever he comes out we feel as though we're obligated to cheer when he slaps his hands at his balls. I don't know about anyone else here, but when a greasy haired little runt runs to the ring and offers everyone the oppertunity to give him oral sex, I just don't feel like cheering.The same could be said for Road Dogg, but I've already mentioned him. If I had a time machine, and if wrestling were real, I'd go back in time and tell Kane to kill the little fucker when he had a chance. (BTW, WWE...if you're trying to rebuild the nWo and you want them to have some heat, don't let X-pac rejoin them. I understand they have history, but please just spare us....and when SHawn Michaels says that the group is great but one individual is sucking it up, don't have him superkick Booker T while X-pac is in the ring.)

4: Zack Gowen Well, I can't say I hate him personally. I just hate the push they gave him. Day in and day out I'm entertained by people throwing little Spike through tables, and I respect the hell out of Spike for being a jobber. But when you push a green runt to main event status because he's missing a leg, and every episode is about little Steph screaming "No, daddy, don't hurt the little one legged boy anymore! He has so much spirit and he tries so hard!" I get sick of it fast. The final straw was when Peggy Hill paid a visit to Smackdown as a special celebrity guest and she started in on the "Don't hurt the little one legged boy" shit too. I swear, I would have marked the fu*ck out if Brock just started whailing on Gowen's mom too. If he crushed her skull with the ring steps, I would be a happier man today. That's all I have to say about him.

5: JBL Speaking of Peggy Hill, where's her husband, Hank Hill? Oh, there he is on CNBC!
Hank Hill: "I'd buy stock in Propane and Propane Excessories"
The world: "WOW!"
Seriously, I was quite angry when this idiot actually got in any offense at the Royal Rumble, but I was satisfied to know that he was the first idiot eliminated. When your finishing move is a clothesline, you need to reconsider why you're in the business. And you have to admit that he had something going with the CNBC thing. Why didn't he quit wrestling and just do that show? And he lost the wrong job too. When the bookers said "Go out there and draw some heat from the German crowd" and he interprited that as meaning "Act like a Nazi" They should have terminated his contract on the spot. I insist that everyone send an email to JBL that says:

Dear JBL,
Go away.
Sincerely,
Go away.

6: Maven Reasons for my hating this kid? Well, of all of the Tough Enough Graduates he was the best....but that doesn't mean he was the best Tough Enough contestant. What really irks me about him is the fact that he hasn't improved in the slightest since he joined the WWE, yet there are people out there who think he deserves a push to the main event. Watching his matches, I think he has the wrestling ability of a lower midcarder. If he works on his charisma, he could maybe get a midcard push. And there's no reason for the WWE to get rid of him. If everybody was a main eventer, wrestling wouldn't be fun to watch. But the people who think that he deserves a main event shot more than guys like Hurricane, Christian, Lance Storm (once upon a time), or Matt Hardy....I think you get why I hate the guy. Do me a favor and hold up signs that say "Push Stevie Richards" instead. THey make more sense.

7: Tommy Dreamer So how do we give this guy a push? Oh! I know! Let's have him run in the ring with a big stick and beat down guys with wrestling talent. If we're lucky he'll break somebody's jaw and we'll never see them wrestle again in our lives. Better yet. We'll entertain the millions and billions of people who watch Fear Factor just for the gross shit and we'll have the geek eat and drink everything from his own vomit to urninal water to other people's hair. Newsflash: People don't watch wrestling to watch some guy run around fake beating on people with a stick and drinking puke. Of the people who watch Fear Factor, about 2 of them watch it for the gross shit, and one of them is Tommy Dreamer getting ideas for new additions to his gimmick. I was greatful to find out that he finally quit recently.

I'd add more to this list, but I'm plum out of hatred for now.

06-13-2004, 01:29 PM	#45
tucsonspeed6 Banned WWE on 1/1/07 Posts: 2,141	No order to this. Just listing them off as my hatred swells. 1: Hulk Hogan I had a girlfriend whose last name was Hogan. She always used to say that he was her daddy....let's just say that as annoying as that is, that's the best thing I have to say about this guy. Hulk: "Whatcha gonna do, brother?" Me: "Stare at your big floppy old man tits, grandpa!" There was nothing quite like spending months of my life watching wrestling and every week it was "Hulk still rules" this and "Hulk doesn't have old man tits" that. Hulkamania had the momentum of a pinecone slowly lodging itself comfortably into my colon, and it was about as enjoyable. If anyone here has ever watched Austin Powers 3, you understand why the hulkamania reborn thing was as painful as it was. There was no content to it. It was just an endless stream of merchandising based on a heard of name. 80's Nostalgia was big at the time, and everybody's heard of Hulk Hogan, so why not profit off of it? Well, it's all great until you realize that the guy should have retired, but he was holding down good talent while he was here. I rate Hogan's final run with the WWE as being worse for midcard heels than Austin's "sheriff" gimmick. 2: Road Dogg How stupid do you have to be to not know how to spell Dog? Was he supposed to be related to Junk Yard Dog? And what was the deal with the shake, rattle, and roll? Road Dogg was one of the icons of a time in the WWF when substance was out and style was in. Go ahead and tell me that Road Dogg was fired for substance abuse....you and I both know that even if Road Dogg remained clean, his gimmick wouldn't have lasted much longer. He would have become another Scotty Too Hotty with a worn out "cool" gimmick and moves that just wouldn't cut it in todays wrestling style. Thank god he got caught with drugs when he did. 3: X-pac Here we have a mediocre wrestler with no charisma whatsoever, and whenever he comes out we feel as though we're obligated to cheer when he slaps his hands at his balls. I don't know about anyone else here, but when a greasy haired little runt runs to the ring and offers everyone the oppertunity to give him oral sex, I just don't feel like cheering.The same could be said for Road Dogg, but I've already mentioned him. If I had a time machine, and if wrestling were real, I'd go back in time and tell Kane to kill the little fucker when he had a chance. (BTW, WWE...if you're trying to rebuild the nWo and you want them to have some heat, don't let X-pac rejoin them. I understand they have history, but please just spare us....and when SHawn Michaels says that the group is great but one individual is sucking it up, don't have him superkick Booker T while X-pac is in the ring.) 4: Zack Gowen Well, I can't say I hate him personally. I just hate the push they gave him. Day in and day out I'm entertained by people throwing little Spike through tables, and I respect the hell out of Spike for being a jobber. But when you push a green runt to main event status because he's missing a leg, and every episode is about little Steph screaming "No, daddy, don't hurt the little one legged boy anymore! He has so much spirit and he tries so hard!" I get sick of it fast. The final straw was when Peggy Hill paid a visit to Smackdown as a special celebrity guest and she started in on the "Don't hurt the little one legged boy" shit too. I swear, I would have marked the fuck out if Brock just started whailing on Gowen's mom too. If he crushed her skull with the ring steps, I would be a happier man today. That's all I have to say about him. 5: JBL* Speaking of Peggy Hill, where's her husband, Hank Hill? Oh, there he is on CNBC! Hank Hill: "I'd buy stock in Propane and Propane Excessories" The world: "WOW!" Seriously, I was quite angry when this idiot actually got in any offense at the Royal Rumble, but I was satisfied to know that he was the first idiot eliminated. When your finishing move is a clothesline, you need to reconsider why you're in the business. And you have to admit that he had something going with the CNBC thing. Why didn't he quit wrestling and just do that show? And he lost the wrong job too. When the bookers said "Go out there and draw some heat from the German crowd" and he interprited that as meaning "Act like a Nazi" They should have terminated his contract on the spot. I insist that everyone send an email to JBL that says: Dear JBL, Go away. Sincerely, Go away. 6: Maven Reasons for my hating this kid? Well, of all of the Tough Enough Graduates he was the best....but that doesn't mean he was the best Tough Enough contestant. What really irks me about him is the fact that he hasn't improved in the slightest since he joined the WWE, yet there are people out there who think he deserves a push to the main event. Watching his matches, I think he has the wrestling ability of a lower midcarder. If he works on his charisma, he could maybe get a midcard push. And there's no reason for the WWE to get rid of him. If everybody was a main eventer, wrestling wouldn't be fun to watch. But the people who think that he deserves a main event shot more than guys like Hurricane, Christian, Lance Storm (once upon a time), or Matt Hardy....I think you get why I hate the guy. Do me a favor and hold up signs that say "Push Stevie Richards" instead. THey make more sense. 7: Tommy Dreamer So how do we give this guy a push? Oh! I know! Let's have him run in the ring with a big stick and beat down guys with wrestling talent. If we're lucky he'll break somebody's jaw and we'll never see them wrestle again in our lives. Better yet. We'll entertain the millions and billions of people who watch Fear Factor just for the gross shit and we'll have the geek eat and drink everything from his own vomit to urninal water to other people's hair. Newsflash: People don't watch wrestling to watch some guy run around fake beating on people with a stick and drinking puke. Of the people who watch Fear Factor, about 2 of them watch it for the gross shit, and one of them is Tommy Dreamer getting ideas for new additions to his gimmick. I was greatful to find out that he finally quit recently. I'd add more to this list, but I'm plum out of hatred for now.