5 Star Match Man: After being bitten by a radioactive rabid Wolverine, Chris Benoit gained the completely unrelated ability to pull 5 star matches out of even the most worthless of opponents. Now he uses his powers to singlehandedly save wrestling from its ultimate destruction. Watch in AMAZEMENT as Benoit vs Hulk Hogan, Chris Benoit vs The Goon and Chris Benoit vs Mae Young's hand-baby are all selected as match of the year candidates.
However, his one crippling weakness is the the man known as the "living airtime blackhole", none other than the diabolical Glass Ceiling Panel Installer Man.
GCPIM: Greetings-uh, 5 Star Man-uh.
5 Star Man: Cut the crap, ceiling boy! Prepare to have the best match of your life... and you WILL sell for me.
GCPIM: Oh no-uh!
*5 Star Match Man pulls the most beautiful 25 minutes of wrestling ever out of Tripl- er, Glass Ceiling Panel Installer Man.
*
*Just when it seems that our hero's victory is assured, GCPIM ascends above the glass ceiling he installed earlier and cuts the longest, most verbally masturbatory promo in history and puts 5 Star Man into a deep sleep*
*GCPIM quickly and quietly scoops up our hero and takes him above (yes, above) the ceiling and then delivers the pedigr- er... Double Underhook Glass Drop DDT
to 5 Star Man off the glass ceiling*
All seems lost. Will our hero survive? Will he be able to kick out of that devastating finisher? Will his title reign be given air time? Find out tomorrow: Same Crippler Time, Same Crippler Channel.
*end credits music plays*