[Innovator]

Originally Posted by Grantland's Jeter's Diary I wake up to the sound of the house alarm, which is the voice of Bob Sheppard saying, "Num-ber Two, Der-ek Je-ter. You are in grave dan-ger. Num-ber Two." I look at the security monitor by my bed. There's a stretch Hummer in my driveway. Mounted on top of the Hummer is a giant fiberglass head. Wearing a Yankees hat. The head is smiling. I can see that because it's illuminated by spotlights. "Hey, Jetes," booms a voice from the speaker in the giant head's mouth. I speak into the intercom. "Are you in there, Alex?" "Nope. Still in Boston. Did you see the game tonight?" "I did." "They hit me, Jetes." "I know they did." "Hit me for playing baseball." "It might be more complicated than that." "I'm just exercising my collectively bargained right to play, Jetes. They know that." "It was very upsetting." "Did you see my home run?" "I did." "Total bomb. A-bomb for A-Rod." "Very impressive." "I'm back, Jetes." "That's great, Alex." "They've awakened the sleeping giant." "OK." "The sleeping giant is me, Jetes." "That's good to hear. We could use it." "Centaur mode." "A centaur's not a giant." "It's a giant centaur." "I'm going back to bed, Alex." "Giant centaur mode activated." "Yeah, I got it. Can I go back to bed now?" "Fine." "Good night, Alex," "Sweet dreams, Jetes." I watch as the top of the giant A-Rod head slowly splits opens to reveal a smaller A-Rod. An A-Rod torso mounted on a horse's body. It's holding a bow. And it fires a tiny fireworks arrow that explodes over the house. Bob Sheppard's voice booms through the mansion again. "Num-ber Two, Der-ek Je-ter. You are in grave dan-ger." "Num-ber Two." I put a pillow over my head, roll over, and go back to sleep.