Quote:
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Originally Posted by Doink
Michael Cole
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by The Naitch
Michael Cole
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Micheal Cole
Michael Cole will win the WWE Championship!
So here's how.
A few weeks before the Royal Rumble 2005 and Vince McMahon is in the ring talking about how JBL had to go after insulting every racial minority and majority, being excommunicated by the pope, and being head-hunted by 14 extremist groups including the KKK and the American Nazi Party.
Cole and Tazz are commentating, and forgetting their mic's are switched on, Tazz asks Cole what he thinks of Vince's speech.
Cole replies, "Who fucking cares? Vince is a dick and bores me to sleep. Wake me when he's done."
Sadly when Vince is watching the taping of Smackdown for editing, he hears Cole's inadvertant comments, and decides that Michael Cole and his compadre, Tazz are gonna get it!
The Royal Rumble comes around, and there are 5 spots unfilled. Numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.
Vince comes out and announces who is getting them.
Vince: The number one shot in the Rumble this year goes to......Kane!
Vince: The number two shot in the Rumble goes to ............Big Show!
Vince: The number three shot in the Rumble goes to ............A-Train!
Vince: The number four shot in the Rumble goes to ..................Tazz!
Cole *commentating*: WHAT? Tazz? WTF?
Tazz: uhhh....ohhhh
Vince: And the number five entrant into the Rumble goes to .........MICHEAL COLE!!!!
Cole looks like the fear of death has been put in him. He doesn't understand why he's being called out to wrestle, and with the 3 monsters already in the ring, it doesn't look good.
So the Rumble starts...
Enter Kane, Enter the Big Show. The 2 square off, and then turn and await the entry of A-Train.
Enter A-Train, who comes down to the ring, shakes hands with Kane and Show and the 3 of them wait for Tazz.
Enter Tazz!!!!!
He comes legging it down to the ring, and this time avoids sitting on the turnbuckle and getting knocked straight out by Kane.
This time he comes straight into the ring, into a sliding headbutt which shatters Big Shows left kneecap, forcing him to fall on A-Train.
Tazz then turns on Kane, who grabs his throat to set him up for the chokeslam. As he's lifted towards the ropes, Tazz turns the move into the Tazzmission, and Kane starts flapping wildly. Meanwhile Tazz has managed to get his legs wrapped around the top rope, and Kane, and when kane starts to fade out, Tazz simply leans over the rope, and Kane goes over, and is eliminated. Tazz, clinging to the ropes with his legs, manages to get back into the ring safely.
Meanwhile A-Train is still trying to dig himself out from under the Big Show, who is moaning in agony. A-Train finally gets up as Cole enters the ring. Train goes for Tazz with the big boot, but trips over Cole, bounces on his head, and goes sailing up onto the turnbuckle, where Tazz shoves him off.
At the point the audience are going mental! Kane and A-Train eliminated, Big Show injured, and by Tazz and Cole!
Big Show gets up, holding onto the ropes for balance, starts growling things at Cole and Tazz
"get me chicken and pies and burgers, you short-ass shrimps. Yeah, and get me shrimps too" and other obscenities. Tazz takes a run at The Big Show, and manages to take Show over the top rope, but also eliminates himself!
Micheal Cole is the only participant left in the Rumble!
Enter John Cena.
Cena laughs at Cole and tells him to go sit in the corner. Cole does so.
Enter Rene Dupree.
Cena and Dupreego at it for a while.
Enter Eddie Guerrero.
Eddie comes over to Cole, and whispers 'Lie, Cheat and Steal, Mikey! Slip out under the bottom rope and hide under the ring!' Eddie then turns his attention towards Dupree who has Cena against the top rope.
Cole does as suggested, and hides under the ring.
Anyway, the Rumble proceeds with entrants coming down to the ring, all desperate for a shot at the UnderTakers title, and it comes down to Cena, Eddie, RVD, HBK, Orton and Jamie Noble.
Cena gets eliminated, as does HBK.
RVD goes to go coast to coast, but Eddie hits him with a drop kick in mid-air to put him over the ropes. As Eddie lands, Orton grabs him to push him over the ropes too. The pair go tumbling over leaving Jamie Noble standing in the ring.
Noble immediately goes to the top rope and stands on it celebrating, as Michael Cole appears from the underside of the ring.
Seeing his opportunity, he runs toward Noble and knocks him off the top ropes.
MICHAEL COLE WINS THE ROYAL RUMBLE! COLE IS GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!
So Cole celebrates, Vince comes down to the ring, and states that Cole will indeed challenge the WWE Champ at WM, but who the WWE champ is going to be is still to be determined.
So during the run-up to Wrestlemania, Undertaker has a series of challenges against a masked, muscle-bound opponent, who repeatedly gets the better of the undertaker. The Masked man appears strong, aggressive, fast, talented, and awesome in every aspect. 3 weeks before Wrestlemania, the Masked Man beats Undertaker for the WWE Title. Vince comes to the ring and announces to the crowd.....
Vince: I want you to meet the man who will face Michael Cole at Wrestlemania for the WWE Title. A Man hand picked by me, to destroy the worst commentator in WWE history.
The masked man removes his hood and appears as none other than.........
BROCK LESNAR!
Cole shits his pants. Tazz moves away because of the smell. Smackdown goes off air.
Wrestlemania:
Main Event - Cole makes his way to the ring, looking terrified. Really like a rabbit in the headlights, totally shaking and quivering with fear!
The crowd are chanting 'Cole's gonna die, Cole's gonna die' and 'You're going home in a FedEx coffin Cole, You're going home in a FedEx coffin Cole!'
HERE COMES THE PAIN!
Lesnar enters the ring, and squares up to Cole.
Lesnar: I'm gonna hurt you so much, you're gonna know what hell feels like!
Cole: Hey....I surf the net!
Lesnar goes ape, and grabs him for the F-5, and as Cole is on Lesnar's shoulders, he breathes a sigh of relief, 'At least your not gonna shooting-star-press me!'
Lesnar hearing this, delivers an awesome F-5.
Cole is out cold on the mat.
All Lesnar has to do is go for the pin.
He turns and heads for the turnbuckle.
The crowd look on in disbelief.
He climbs to the top rope and turns...
The crowd surge to their feet in disbelief....
Lesnar launches himself off the ropes, going for the Shooting Star Press finish!
Lesnar soars, turning through the air...........
and lands once more on his face, knocking himself cold.
The impact of such a big guy on the mat, bounces Lesnar onto his back, and makes Cole bounce upwards and land on the now prostrate Lesnar.
Earl Hebner counts...........1................2................3!
COLE IS THE WWE CHAMPION!
bet you thought it couldn't be done?
Worth a rep for that?