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Originally Posted by The Critic
Yeah, I'm with one of the above posters. Carmella's going to end up winning anyway because BAHGAWDBARBEQUESAWCESTUNNAROCKBOTTOMPLAYBOY, PLAYBOY, PLAYBOY. Who gives a rat's ass? Joy's hotter, the redhead's got more energy. I would love to be wrong on this, but I see it coming a mile away. Agh.
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I can't......hold it.......anymore....!!!
*In a satanic voice* "TS6 termination mode: ON. Target: The Critic. Begin sequence now."
Ok, let's start this with the first thing that comes to my mind. That would be the blatant JR running gag that just ran itself into a brick wall about ten times three months ago. I'll quote from the book "An Idiot's guide to Running a Joke into the Ground: Second Edition." Here goes:
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Doing a JR impression.
While most people are smart enough to avoid this one, you may feel the need to pluck this one right off of the "I'm gonna get a bad rep from TS6 in about two seconds" tree at times. If this occurs, the title of this book may in fact be a little more literal than most people would like to think. However, if you are in fact an idiot and want to use this absurdly overrated cliche, follow the proceding steps.
1: Hit your caps key. It's very important that you do this, as JR never whispers. In fact, HE ALWAYS YELLS!
2: Avoid using the spacebar. JR never pauses between his words. It's much more efficient to speakwithoutspacesbetweenyou'rewordsbecausethiswayyouwastelesstime.
3: You may be trying to "make a point" with this gag, (though it will never help your case) so use only a single word from your arguement surrounded by words from the following list: Stone Cold; Stunner; Rattlesnake; Barbecue Sauce; Rock Bottom; Bah Gawd; Government Mule; Scalded Dog; etc. Never use the word "puppies", as this is not JR's style.
4: Following your post, proceed immediately to hell, because you're a freaking idiot and it's the only place for assholes like you to go.
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Secondly, might I point out that there's the slight possibility that Carmella is nervous, or perhaps shy? Of course not, silly....people on TV never get nervous about being on TV, because if they were, they wouldn't try to get on TV...DUH! That's why Mordecai looks so comfortable when he cuts a promo for millions and millions of people to see.
But no. "Joy's hotter, the redhead's got more energy." I want you to do something for me, Critic. I want you to open another internet browser, and in the address box, type in
www.google.com, and do a search for "Big fake titties." SURPRISE! You'll get about 6,900,000,001 hits in .029 seconds. YOu wanna know why? I'll let JR tell you.
JR: BECAUSEBIGFAKETITTIESCOMEADIMEADOZENYOUSTUPIDSUMBITCHBARBECUESAUCESTUNNER!
Oh, and just because the redhead has more energy doesn't make her hot. It makes her fuc[/]king annoying. I'd sleep with her of course...for a one night stand...if I got to bash her brains in with a ballpeen hammer.
Oh, and one more thing......stop playing with that thing. You'll go blind.