[Paranoid Rattlesnake]

Welcome one and all to The Emergency Room, the premise of which is simple. I will take a recent WWE feud and analyse it as best I can, looking at the problems encountered with it, how severe these are and whether or not they can be overcome. Then I go into creative mode and re-write the storyline as I would have done it in the first place. I become the booker and wipe the slate clean, then re-write the angle using only my imagination and understanding of the wrestling business and what makes for entertaining TV. I hope you all enjoy and I look forward to hearing what you have to say about it. . .

The Victim


The near five-month long saga between Kane and Shane McMahon which once showed promise but has taken several wrong turns and is now ranked among the worst feuds of 2003. When will those in charge of the on-screen direction realise that car crashes, a man’s testicles being electrocuted and other nonsensical angles are not the way to effectively develop storylines and sell PPVs to the public?!

The Symptoms

What exactly was the problem (or 'problems' to be more accurate) with the angle? Well it seemed that after an enjoyable first few weeks the booking team lost sight of the job at hand, which ultimately was to continue the Kane push and make him seem more like an indestructible force than ever before.

Instead this turned into an exercise that appeared to exist only to swell the already throbbing ego of Shane McMahon, as he for weeks on end did what others could not and was able to get the better of Kane, laying him out time and time again. Sending him crashing off the stage through a table, tumbling into a pit of fire and trapping him inside a speeding car heading to its doom were only some of the angles used in this feud to establish McMahon Junior as a living, breathing superhero.

This is precisely where this programme went wrong and the blame must be placed firmly at the feet of those who hold between their fingers the pencil responsible for churning out WWE television on a weekly basis. Other 'symptoms' include a firm lack of direction, poor story-telling, a plethora of preposterous segments and angles, all held together by two weak PPV matches that were rife with sloppy brawling, silly spots and head-scratching booking. Judging by the list of ailments connected with the feud many of you may well be asking 'well what was right about it?'. And being as objective as I possibly can, speaking with an open mind the answer is 'not a lot'. . .

Severity

Thankfully this mess fizzled to an end at Survivor Series so the question of whether or not it can be saved is irrelevant in this instance. Of course it could have been, especially in the weeks building up to the Unforgiven debacle, with some astute thinking and character manipulation on the part of Team Creative but alas such action was never taken. I mentioned early this was a strong contender for a 'Most Abysmal Feud Of The Year' award and although that is the case, perhaps a more fitting label is that of 'Most Disappointing', taking into consideration the early promise it showed.

As a performer Shane's strong points lie in his ability to work spot and weapon filled gimmick brawls, where he can display all manner of flashy moves and big bumps and at the same time mask his flaws as a worker. So on paper a Last Man Standing and Ambulance match sound like the type of environment suited to a feud between these two but in practice this wasn't the case at all.

The reasoning? Both competitors don't get off lightly for what must be considered two relatively poor performances but really, it all ends up back at the door of the booker responsible for the lay-out of both matches and in particular the finish to Unforgiven, which left Kane lingering in the shadow of the daredevil Shane 'O' Mac. A big mistake to make.

The Operating Table

Dealing in the past tense as the programme has now been laid to rest, the big question is what could have been done to save it? Well under the circumstances I feel that the logical thing to do is start at the very beginning. . .

In booking a 'David vs Goliath' type of storyline the key is to establish 'David' (Shane in this case) as the courageous, honourable warrior who may not always win but is guaranteed to give of his all each and every time. That is the strength of such a character: showing heart and determination even when faced with insurmountable odds and placed in seeming impossible scenarios. The hero’s resiliency and 'never say die' attitude wins him the support and admiration of fans who admire and respect him and his fight.

With Shane the problem began after he made his return and laid out Kane, because instead of being booked as the sympathetic babyface out to get revenge for his mother, he suddenly became this ass-kicking machine who hammered 'The Big Red Machine' time and time again.

The angle where Shane dropkicked Kane into the flaming dumpster was where it really began to waver. For a start he returned to RAW the following week with no signs of any burns or marks, which killed the angle dead and took it into the realms of campy, slapstick pantomime as opposed to a hard-fought, emotional and epic struggle.

For his big return they had Kane march out and attempt to electrocute Shane 'O's testicles using a set of jump leads. Needless to say this only increased apathy and decreased public interest in a storyline that was going downhill at an alarming rate. In the space of three segments the program had been killed and their TV segments, once the strong point of the broadcast, were down to doing mediocre numbers on a weekly basis. So for my first act of surgery, I would eliminate both the dumpster angle and the ‘nads electrocution from the feud altogether.

Now going back to the start of the feud, Shane returned to RAW on July 28 and attacked Kane before beating him with a chair and sending him flying off the RAW entrance way and through a table. This was a good way to start the angle in my opinion because it made sure that McMahon's return got people talking and that he got heat on himself as a babyface, by going after Kane for what he did to his mother the previous week. It made sense for him to pummel the monster here because it put his comeback over strong and set the angle up perfectly with Kane sitting up from the bump and smiling.

Skip forward a month to August 25 (the show which featured the dumpster spot) and this is where my creative control comes into play. Fresh off his demolition of RVD at Summerslam the previous evening Kane should have been booked in a match with RAW babyface fodder material: either the likes of Val Venis, Tommy Dreamer or Spike Dudley - 'granted' to him by Eric Bischoff as a reward for what he did to Van Dam.

I’d have had him plough through his opponent in rapid fashion and continue the assault after the match with JR and 'The King' selling the angle in a big way, calling for 'medical attention' and urgent assistance to try and stop the carnage. Kane lays out several referees who are at ringside and proceeds to beat on all those around him until Shane McMahon runs down and shoves him headfirst into the ring post, busting him wide open in the process.

Like an animal smelling blood, Kane sits back up and wipes at his forehead before laughing manically and rubbing the blood all over his chest as a symbol of defiance to McMahon. Shane-O looks intimidated but doesn't back down and charges at Kane before unleashing a series of blows to the head which don't even phase the monster as he cuts him off with a clubbing right hand and drops him head and neck first onto the ring barrier. He looks at the fallen Shane and then glances up at the Titantron, before placing him over his shoulder and carrying him up the entranceway, stopping as he reaches the top of the ramp.

JR and King put over the idea that Kane is out of control as more security guards and EMTs appear to try and calm him down. Kane positions Shane for a Tombstone and then drops him with the move head first onto the steel, just like he had done with Linda a few weeks earlier. As Shane lies motionless, Kane stands over him and continues to laugh uncontrollably before wiping his head again and then smearing his own blood down the face of the helpless McMahon. The announcers compare this to what he did to Shane's mother and ask if there is anyone who can stop him. The medics and referees attend to Shane whilst Kane stares blankly into space before surveying the damage and leaving.

The following week on RAW (the testicles angle) Bischoff announces that Shane isn't at the arena because he is still suffering from the effects of the Tombstone, but 'Here Comes The Money' plays and Shane-O appears with a neck brace on. He says that he isn't cleared to be here tonight and that by right he should still be at home resting, but there's something he needed to get off his chest. What Kane did to his mother was unacceptable and by hook or by crook, he is going to pay for his actions. He knows that Kane is a vicious animal out of control and he knows that in a fight, well, he's (Shane) going to get his ass kicked but that doesn't mean he won't die trying.

So he issues a challenge to Kane for the upcoming Unforgiven PPV in a match so brutal that it hasn't been seen in over three years, where everything is legal and anything goes. A match that will end careers and that will inflict inhumane amounts of punishment on their bodies...Last Man Standing. So in the space of this promo we have seen Shane firmly positioned as the underdog, pushed the idea of Kane as a monster, made their Unforgiven match seem of huge importance and established the 'Last Man Standing' gimmick as being something special. This is how it should have been done in my opinion. Moving on…

Bischoff agrees that this is the only way for them to settle their differences and so he makes the match for Unforgiven, but goes on to announce that as a 'warm up' for the PPV, Shane will be in action next week on RAW against an opponent of Eric’s choosing. And that opponent is going to be none other than. . .Mark Henry. And the match is going to be 'Falls Count Anywhere'.

Shane gets in Bischoff's face about making the match and shoves him down to the mat but is ordered to leave the building by the GM, or else his match with Kane at Unforgiven will be scrapped. Reluctantly, Shane leaves as the announcers hype his upcoming battles with Mark Henry on RAW and then Kane at Unforgiven.

The next week (September 8 and two weeks before the PPV) Shane takes on Mark Henry in a 'No DQ' match and the finish sees him crack Henry with a kendo stick several times and set him up for the 'Van Terminator'. From nowhere the Pyro hits and Kane appears on stage and marches menacingly down the aisle, causing Shane O Mac to lose concentration on the match and launch himself over the top rope at 'The Big Red Machine'.

They brawl at ringside and into the crowd and eventually end in the back where Kane clobbers Shane with a steel pipe and sets him up for a chokeslam through a wooden crate, but he slides down his back and shoves him headfirst into a wall. With both men staggering, Shane picks up the pipe and cracks Kane over the head with it several times before Mark Henry appears with a chair and swings, however McMahon ducks and Henry lamps Kane square in the head.

Shane retaliates with a pipe shot to 'The World’s Strongest Man' and then pins him to win the match. As he turns round, Kane is back on his feet and uses the chair to send him crashing down to the concrete floor. He starts choking Shane with the chair until other wrestlers arrive and separate them, with Kane vowing that this was nothing compared to what he would do to him at Unforgiven in the 'Last Man Standing' match.

On the final RAW (September 15) before Unforgiven, Kane is booked in a match against another lower card babyface. During the match Shane McMahon comes through the crowd and hops the barrier, then reaches under the ring and brings out a table before setting it up at ringside. Kane continues with the match and defeats his opponent with the Chokeslam and as he is climbing over the top rope, Shane O Mac slides into the ring and throws powder in his eyes to blind him.

Kane is blinded on the apron and holding onto the ropes to keep his balance, which gives Shane the opportunity to hit him with a chair and he goes crashing through the table. With Kane flat out, Shane grabs a microphone and starts to make a 'ten count' which will be seen in the 'Last Man Standing' match at the PPV, but as he reaches nine Kane sits up and stares back into the ring at Shane, who smugly flips him off and leaves through the crowd.

Chances of Survival: I could correct the whole feud running right through to Survivor Series but in my opinion the early exchanges were where momentum was lost, through a combination of uneven booking, silly angles and a lack of foresight. I feel that the scenario laid out above would have been so much stronger in building the feud, their Unforgiven PPV match and developing Kane as a monster but at the same time allowing Shane to revel in the role of gutsy underdog.