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**Corkscrewed** · 01-15-2004, 06:45 PM

RAW [1-19-2004]
Loopydate:

Jericho didn't know what to think. Maybe he SHOULD shake hands with Rene as sort of a goodwill gesture, but...did Rene HAVE to masturbate while they did it?

Jazz revealed what wrestling fans had long suspected: Lita had (literally) no ass.

D-VON: Hey, Ric! Do one of those ballet jumps. I'll catch you.
RIC: Okay...
BUBBA: Heheheh...
DAVE: No! It's a trap!

Corkscrewed:

Even Austin was getting impatient as the FF X-2 commercial marathon entered its seventh hour.

Hurricane got really confused when his Ortonbot started flailing around and acting like a monkey.

Fryza:

Wow, Hunter's invisble crucfix now targets anybody for no reason...

Long: I am, getting so hot, I will...
*RAW suddenly cuts to commercial*

Rico with a punch to the front teeth, and...wait..wait, no, Henry blocks with his bottom teeth and begins to eat Rico. Okay, I guess that is a first..

Xtian: And this was when we stole that lawn gnome from Kane's yard...

It's sad when Long has to hold a pose of horror and Orton has to help Mark with his first attempt at a flying cross body block on Long..

Loose Cannon:

Kudos to Spike at doing an Ultimate Warrior impression while being choked by Kane.

Teddy Long coudln't bear to watch Mark Henry preform a 619.

El Santo:

Ref: "Oh, man, that blow knocked me out. I was unconscious for, like, three minutes there. That's never happened before. Heh. Now back to the matc- ... OH MY GOD!!!!"

Christian: "It's soooo cool! It lets you take pictures and send email and surf the ... What the hell!?!??! Final Fantasy X-2?!?!?!"

The ladies were blissfully unaware that they were being ogled by that quintissential pervert, Slimy the Worm.

Always450:

And the heavens opened up to enlighten Scott Steiner�
Steiner: It�s a suplex!!!!

Paul Carrington:

"And this was when you were in the shower..."

ColdwaVer:

WWE has REALLY sunk to a new low: to save money on transportation, heavyweights will now start to give rides to smaller superstars.

Trish: Why do you have a picture of HHH's penis on your phone?
Christian: Well he showed up halfway through the night to hold down our partying skills. (long pause) HEY! How do you recognize HHH's penis???

Vastardkai:

Rico: Yaaaay! I'm riding a Horse!
Mark: I'm called a HOSS! Get it right!

SmackDOWN! [1-22-2004]
Always450:

And now Dawn knows that forward is the only way her heart will go.

Fryza:

Jamie: Eat MY title, will ye?
Rey: But, it's my titl...
Jamie: *smack*

Kayfabeman:

The Power Rangers knew they were ****ed when Rita enlarged Brock
AND Heyman at the same time....

Loopydate:

Does anybody else think that if you drove a Mario Kart down Shannon's body, you'd get a big speed boost when you hit the legs?

Vastardikai:

havo Sr. moves in to inform Kurt that the Breast Stroke is best used in the water and in bed.

Vega:

Heyman does his best impression of Dark_Kane begging the mods to unban him.

Royal Rumble
Corkscrewed:

Luckily for the censors, the table was blocking the graphic part of what Dave "The Violator" Batista was doing to D-Von.

Brock Lesnar helpfully picks up a piece of trash discarded on the floor.

Things got a little bizarre when Triple H's Hold-Down Aura suddenly backfired and started working in reverse...

El Santo:

As soon as the two passed out, Hebner realized that he should have used Right Guard deodorant.

Mick hated being on the run, but the Letter "M" was a vicious stalker.

Realizing that there's absolutely no way he'd be winning the Royal Rumble, Nunzio uses the time productively by puttering around the ring in his invisible motor scooter.

Nowhere Man:

The Dudleyz momentarily broke kayfabe to check on Flair. I mean, they knew that tables sometimes worked a little too stiff, but that was just uncalled for.

HHH's ring work had gotten so bad, he was even putting himself to sleep.

Benoit: See? That's why I said trying a tope suicide was a bad idea.

Ref: Congratulations, Benoit! I can't wait to see you come over to Raw. I think you'll do a great JOB.
Benoit: What?
Ref: Nothing, I was just saying that you'll make a great ENHANCEMENT to Raw's TALENT pool.
Benoit: Why do you keep talking like that?
Ref: Oh, no reason. I just think YOU'RE GOING TO BE very happy on Raw, and that all your suspicions will be BURIED . Now, GET OUT and celebrate your victory, WHILE YOU STILL CAN appreciate the moment.

Loopydate:

The Joe Boxer guy reacts to the worst wedgie of his life.

COLE: Wait a minute!
TAZZ: Steven Richards with the DDT out of nowhere!

HBK: Heheh. Remember when you got thrown in the hog pen?
HHH: Remember when you posed for Playgirl?
*Awkward silence*

HHH: Dude, that must have been some pimple.

REF: Chris, where are your pants?
BENOIT: Oh, God. IT'S JUST LIKE MY DREAM!

Fryza:

This is the worst attempt at drunken boxing I may or may not have ever seen.

RAW [1-26-2004]
Loopydate:
http://www.wweraw.com/results/012604/images/01.jpg[/IMG]
RIC: Okay, okay, I'll admit it. You CAN kick my ass so hard the WWE logo falls off my tights.

HBK: Ever since I got this flesh-eating virus...well...I've lost my smile.

Rico does his "Vince McMahon watching a hoss match" impression.

REF: I think he said "I want to eat your face."
GOLDBERG: Wuh?
REF: Um..."Uh wuh ee yuh fay!"
GOLDBERG: Buhstuh!

Corkscrewed:

A wise veteran, Mick had learned to use a steel chair to shield his eyes from HHH's blinding ego.

Fryza:

Austin: TONIGHT...It'll be HBK versus HHH...for the Undisputed HunterTitle....in this ring....in the FIRST EVER...FINAL FANTASY TEN-TWO IN A CAGE MATCH!
Crowd & JR: WHAT?!
Austin: *stunner*

Bill: YOU'RE NEXT!
Mark: No, YOU'RE A HOMO!
Bill: ...What?
Ref: *stunner*
Both: *no sell*
JR: BAWH GAWD WHAT AN INTENSE UNPRETTIER! FFX2 BBQ SAUCE STUNNER!

Loose Cannon:

Jericho, "......and walla, your push is gone."
Trish, "Wow, how do you do that."
Jericho, "Magic."
Trish, "Can I try."
Jericho, "Well you have to ask HHH, he taught me that trick."

jbone829:

The crowd was growing restless: Kane had been on his knees for several minutes thinking of the next spot.

El Santo:

The Walls of Jericho were going well until Batista started singing "Sit on my face and tell me that you love me..."

Molly: "So you've been on the Internet, have you?!?! Brock says he'll see you in hell!"

Chris: "...and on 'Smackdown!', we didn't have announcers that screamed 'puppies!' every five minutes!"
HBK: "Impossible!"
Chris: "And cruiserweights had their own titles!"
Hunter: "I grow weary of your lies!"

Always450:

At least Randy thought that the ref�s new laser vision was cool, but with a laser like that, Randy just KNEW that ref was overcompensating.

Austin: Triple H, I need the cash you owe me, now.
HHH: But Steve! I don�t have the money now. You know I�m good for it.
Austin: I said now.
HHH: But I don�t have it now!
Austin: Why the hell not?
HHH: Because I don�t sell anything.
HBK: It's true.
Austin: Don�t change the subject.

Sascha:

HHH: You mean I HAVEN'T buried you yet?

SmackDOWN! [1-29-2004]
Always450:

How could Kurt ever decide? One night with Dawn Marie or the mystery gold box?

Yes, Brock did say he wouldn�t kill anyone� but �accidents� do happen�

Knowing that Triple H likes his steaks on the rare side, Kurt makes an offer to the Alter Of Helmsly that is still squirming.

Fryza:

Though it seems out of place, Rey HAD to do his ceremonial "spin yourself 'til you're dizzy."

Jamie: Please, this stuff isn't so sti...okay, how do I unglue my hands?

jbone829:

We are the bears, the shufflin crew.....

Rikishi: NO SHELTON DONT!!!
Shelton: MY PRECIOUS!!!!

Loopydate:

VINCE: I'm Vince McMahon, dammit! And when I say pull my finger, you say "how high?"
PAUL: That doesn't make any se--
VINCE: Silence, peon!

KURT: I don't know. Remember the last time people opened the Ark, and everybody's faces melted and stuff? Better leave it be.

Eddie Guerrero introduced Rey Mysterio to legendary luchador El Cabeza de Poop.

REF: Jamie, what are you doing down there?
JAMIE: We're just playing.
REF: What game?
JAMIE: "Let's Break Rey In Half."

Brock's new rule that he would only defend against people who could perform the Alabamaslam presented Eddie with a unique challenge.

KURT: So, wait. You're saying the shin bone's connected to the KNEE bone?

KURT: And the foot bone's connected to the ankle bone?
EDDIE: There is no ankle bone.

KURT: And the crotchbo--
EDDIE: Okay, that's it, ese. I'm throwin' you out.

Corkscrewed:

Billy just knew the "I'm an ass man" lyrics would come back to haunt him someday.

"This one's for you, Sean my friend! This one's for you!"

El Santo:

If you think you have a hard time when you wake up in the morning, remember the story of poor Orlando ~~Jones~~ Jordan...

Eddie: "Thanks for the win, God! If there's anything you need..."
God: "Do you remember that Brady Bunch episode where Greg makes Peter his slave? It's on tonight. Tape it."

Loose Cannon:

Kurt, "Wow, what's this golden box"
Heyman, "Well that's where Vince keeps his buried gimmicks. Go ahead Dawn, open her up."
Voice from Box, "I'm not telling you anything you don't already know."

01-15-2004, 06:45 PM	#2
Corkscrewed Posts: 18,357	RAW [1-19-2004] Loopydate: Jericho didn't know what to think. Maybe he SHOULD shake hands with Rene as sort of a goodwill gesture, but...did Rene HAVE to masturbate while they did it? Jazz revealed what wrestling fans had long suspected: Lita had (literally) no ass. D-VON: Hey, Ric! Do one of those ballet jumps. I'll catch you. RIC: Okay... BUBBA: Heheheh... DAVE: No! It's a trap! Corkscrewed: Even Austin was getting impatient as the FF X-2 commercial marathon entered its seventh hour. Hurricane got really confused when his Ortonbot started flailing around and acting like a monkey. Fryza: Wow, Hunter's invisble crucfix now targets anybody for no reason... Long: I am, getting so hot, I will... RAW suddenly cuts to commercial Rico with a punch to the front teeth, and...wait..wait, no, Henry blocks with his bottom teeth and begins to eat Rico. Okay, I guess that is a first.. Xtian: And this was when we stole that lawn gnome from Kane's yard... It's sad when Long has to hold a pose of horror and Orton has to help Mark with his first attempt at a flying cross body block on Long.. Loose Cannon: Kudos to Spike at doing an Ultimate Warrior impression while being choked by Kane. Teddy Long coudln't bear to watch Mark Henry preform a 619. El Santo: Ref: "Oh, man, that blow knocked me out. I was unconscious for, like, three minutes there. That's never happened before. Heh. Now back to the matc- ... OH MY GOD!!!!" Christian: "It's soooo cool! It lets you take pictures and send email and surf the ... What the hell!?!??! Final Fantasy X-2?!?!?!" The ladies were blissfully unaware that they were being ogled by that quintissential pervert, Slimy the Worm. Always450: And the heavens opened up to enlighten Scott Steiner� Steiner: It�s a suplex!!!! Paul Carrington: "And this was when you were in the shower..." ColdwaVer: WWE has REALLY sunk to a new low: to save money on transportation, heavyweights will now start to give rides to smaller superstars. Trish: Why do you have a picture of HHH's penis on your phone? Christian: Well he showed up halfway through the night to hold down our partying skills. (long pause) HEY! How do you recognize HHH's penis??? Vastardkai: Rico: Yaaaay! I'm riding a Horse! Mark: I'm called a HOSS! Get it right! SmackDOWN! [1-22-2004] Always450: And now Dawn knows that forward is the only way her heart will go. Fryza: Jamie: Eat MY title, will ye? Rey: But, it's my titl... Jamie: smack Kayfabeman: The Power Rangers knew they were **ed when Rita enlarged Brock AND Heyman at the same time.... Loopydate: Does anybody else think that if you drove a Mario Kart down Shannon's body, you'd get a big speed boost when you hit the legs? Vastardikai: havo Sr. moves in to inform Kurt that the Breast Stroke is best used in the water and in bed. Vega: Heyman does his best impression of Dark_Kane begging the mods to unban him. Royal Rumble Corkscrewed: Luckily for the censors, the table was blocking the graphic part of what Dave "The Violator" Batista was doing to D-Von. Brock Lesnar helpfully picks up a piece of trash discarded on the floor. Things got a little bizarre when Triple H's Hold-Down Aura suddenly backfired and started working in reverse... El Santo: As soon as the two passed out, Hebner realized that he should have used Right Guard deodorant. Mick hated being on the run, but the Letter "M" was a vicious stalker. Realizing that there's absolutely no way he'd be winning the Royal Rumble, Nunzio uses the time productively by puttering around the ring in his invisible motor scooter. Nowhere Man: The Dudleyz momentarily broke kayfabe to check on Flair. I mean, they knew that tables sometimes worked a little too stiff, but that was just uncalled for. HHH's ring work had gotten so bad, he was even putting himself to sleep. Benoit: See? That's why I said trying a tope suicide was a bad idea. Ref: Congratulations, Benoit! I can't wait to see you come over to Raw. I think you'll do a great JOB. Benoit: What? Ref: Nothing, I was just saying that you'll make a great ENHANCEMENT to Raw's TALENT pool. Benoit: Why do you keep talking like that? Ref: Oh, no reason. I just think YOU'RE GOING TO BE very happy on Raw, and that all your suspicions will be BURIED . Now, GET OUT and celebrate your victory, WHILE YOU STILL CAN appreciate the moment. Loopydate:** The Joe Boxer guy reacts to the worst wedgie of his life. COLE: Wait a minute! TAZZ: Steven Richards with the DDT out of nowhere! HBK: Heheh. Remember when you got thrown in the hog pen? HHH: Remember when you posed for Playgirl? Awkward silence HHH: Dude, that must have been some pimple. REF: Chris, where are your pants? BENOIT: Oh, God. IT'S JUST LIKE MY DREAM! Fryza: This is the worst attempt at drunken boxing I may or may not have ever seen. RAW [1-26-2004] Loopydate: http://www.wweraw.com/results/012604/images/01.jpg[/IMG] RIC: Okay, okay, I'll admit it. You CAN kick my ass so hard the WWE logo falls off my tights. HBK: Ever since I got this flesh-eating virus...well...I've lost my smile. Rico does his "Vince McMahon watching a hoss match" impression. REF: I think he said "I want to eat your face." GOLDBERG: Wuh? REF: Um..."Uh wuh ee yuh fay!" GOLDBERG: Buhstuh! Corkscrewed: A wise veteran, Mick had learned to use a steel chair to shield his eyes from HHH's blinding ego. Fryza: Austin: TONIGHT...It'll be HBK versus HHH...for the Undisputed HunterTitle....in this ring....in the FIRST EVER...FINAL FANTASY TEN-TWO IN A CAGE MATCH! Crowd & JR: WHAT?! Austin: stunner Bill: YOU'RE NEXT! Mark: No, YOU'RE A HOMO! Bill: ...What? Ref: stunner Both: no sell JR: BAWH GAWD WHAT AN INTENSE UNPRETTIER! FFX2 BBQ SAUCE STUNNER! Loose Cannon: Jericho, "......and walla, your push is gone." Trish, "Wow, how do you do that." Jericho, "Magic." Trish, "Can I try." Jericho, "Well you have to ask HHH, he taught me that trick." jbone829: The crowd was growing restless: Kane had been on his knees for several minutes thinking of the next spot. El Santo: The Walls of Jericho were going well until Batista started singing "Sit on my face and tell me that you love me..." Molly: "So you've been on the Internet, have you?!?! Brock says he'll see you in hell!" Chris: "...and on 'Smackdown!', we didn't have announcers that screamed 'puppies!' every five minutes!" HBK: "Impossible!" Chris: "And cruiserweights had their own titles!" Hunter: "I grow weary of your lies!" Always450: At least Randy thought that the ref�s new laser vision was cool, but with a laser like that, Randy just KNEW that ref was overcompensating. Austin: Triple H, I need the cash you owe me, now. HHH: But Steve! I don�t have the money now. You know I�m good for it. Austin: I said now. HHH: But I don�t have it now! Austin: Why the hell not? HHH: Because I don�t sell anything. HBK: It's true. Austin: Don�t change the subject. Sascha: HHH: You mean I HAVEN'T buried you yet? SmackDOWN! [1-29-2004] Always450: How could Kurt ever decide? One night with Dawn Marie or the mystery gold box? Yes, Brock did say he wouldn�t kill anyone� but �accidents� do happen� Knowing that Triple H likes his steaks on the rare side, Kurt makes an offer to the Alter Of Helmsly that is still squirming. Fryza: Though it seems out of place, Rey HAD to do his ceremonial "spin yourself 'til you're dizzy." Jamie: Please, this stuff isn't so sti...okay, how do I unglue my hands? jbone829: We are the bears, the shufflin crew..... Rikishi: NO SHELTON DONT!!! Shelton: MY PRECIOUS!!!! Loopydate: VINCE: I'm Vince McMahon, dammit! And when I say pull my finger, you say "how high?" PAUL: That doesn't make any se-- VINCE: Silence, peon! KURT: I don't know. Remember the last time people opened the Ark, and everybody's faces melted and stuff? Better leave it be. Eddie Guerrero introduced Rey Mysterio to legendary luchador El Cabeza de Poop. REF: Jamie, what are you doing down there? JAMIE: We're just playing. REF: What game? JAMIE: "Let's Break Rey In Half." Brock's new rule that he would only defend against people who could perform the Alabamaslam presented Eddie with a unique challenge. KURT: So, wait. You're saying the shin bone's connected to the KNEE bone? KURT: And the foot bone's connected to the ankle bone? EDDIE: There is no ankle bone. KURT: And the crotchbo-- EDDIE: Okay, that's it, ese. I'm throwin' you out. Corkscrewed: Billy just knew the "I'm an ass man" lyrics would come back to haunt him someday. "This one's for you, Sean my friend! This one's for you!" El Santo: If you think you have a hard time when you wake up in the morning, remember the story of poor Orlando ~~Jones~~ Jordan... Eddie: "Thanks for the win, God! If there's anything you need..." God: "Do you remember that Brady Bunch episode where Greg makes Peter his slave? It's on tonight. Tape it." Loose Cannon: Kurt, "Wow, what's this golden box" Heyman, "Well that's where Vince keeps his buried gimmicks. Go ahead Dawn, open her up." Voice from Box, "I'm not telling you anything you don't already know." Last edited by Corkscrewed; 02-01-2004 at 05:24 AM.