FEBRUARY
RAW [2-2-2004]
Loopydate:
Stacy made a brutal heel turn when she removed Jackie's neck.
EARL: Okay, if I'm a teapot, what are you?
TRISH: A toaster?
AUSTIN: Brother Bill, have you heard the Good Word?
BILL: Guwuh?
AUSTIN: Um...just take my card.
jbone829:
Orton: Oh my god Mic is shot, who did this to you?
Foley: .........
Orton: Mic tell me who killed you!!
Foley: .........
Orton: TALK TO ME!
Matt: Admit it! It was intentional!
Booker: For the last time I'm not Janet Jackson!
Fryza:
Orton: Holy shit Mick, you okay? I mean, Richards came out of no where!
A closer inspection revealed a startling truth to Chris.
Jericho: So you're the asshole who stole my goatee?!
The WWE Ring Clean Up Crew was good at taking out those who didn't do what Hunter said.
Corkscrewed:
Orton: "Mick! What the heck are you doing??? We have an angle to do!!!"
Mick: "Shhhhhhhh!!! I can hear the ocean! Soooo relaxing..."
Rene was a little grossed out when Stacy asked him to help remove her tampon string.
Jericho: *sniff sniff* Club sandwich with cheddar and Canadian bacon!"
Christian: *gasp* "HOW'D YOU KNOW???"
Here, Kane proves that you can indeed have your Bill and eat it too.
Spike: "How ya doing... fatty? FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY! FATTY!!! FAT FAT FAT FATTY! FAT FATTY! FAT FATTY! FAT FATTY!!!!!"
As usual, Triple H no-sells even a bullet shot to the head.
Austin: "Take these elementary learning cards. They will teach you the system we call the alphabet, or what you call 'those squigglies that turns thems lines into words.'"
Lets take a moment and read each person's mind.
Benoit: "Excellent. With Michaels' friendship, there's no way Triple H can bury me!"
Michaels: "Oh look! Another Canadian I can screw over with his own submission move!"
Sascha:
Orton's new motivational speaker gimmick was off to a bad start
"c'mon...it worked for Paige!"
HHH: you kinda look like a baby...get in my belly!
Kane Knight:
The WWE, in attempts to raise global awareness, brought a starving third world child to the ring...
Only to enrage human rights activists by forcing her into an HLA angle for a sandwhich...
Jericho (Reading): Triple H was here...What the....?
You are getting sleepy...Sleepy...I am a credible champion...
The Rock Bottom:
This is why you obey the sign, "Don't feed the gorillas."
Hoss - It's what's for dinner.
Triple H: SEE?! IT REALLY *DOES* COME OFF!
Orton: "What? I don't see it."
Michaels: "It's there, just keep looking." (frantically taping a "Bury Me" sign to Orton's back)
Mr. Monday Morning:
Goldberg took an early lead in the finals of the 'Pull my finger' tournament.
"So then Jesus rides into Nazareth on a donkey, and this woman shouts 'Nice ass!', and...what?"
Vastardikai:
The fans are horrified as Randy's "Legend Killer" gimmick finally goes TOO FAR!
Trish dresses up as some Cotton Candy, hoping Sean O'Haire will notice her.
Blazer-:
Shane warned Vince that his idea for Shannon Moore's "I feel like a woman" gimmick wouldn't go over well.
SmackDOWN! [2-5-2004]
Nowhere Man:
Due to the more flexible rules imposed by WWE, wrestlers would no longer be disqualified for calling referees homos. The Bashams were the first to exploit this to the fullest.
Ref: Come on, man, you can do it! It's only a simple splash!
Basham: No, I can't! I can't do the jump. I'm not letting go of these ropes!
Ref: It's not that bad, man. There's nothing to be scared of.
Basham: Scared? I'm not scared! It's that ****er Rhyno again!
Cena: ACK! Who the hell are you?
Dawn Marie: I'm your conscience! I'm here to help you with your next moral dilemma.
Cena: Really, that's great! I usually get attacked by tiny versions of ECW....oh, damn. You were in ECW, too, right?
Dawn Marie: Well.....*smack*
Show: So which one of us is supposed to carry the other to a watchable match?
Gunn:......ummmm......
Show:........We're ****ed, aren't we?
Gunn: Yup.
Hey, since when was Cheech ever a referee?
Nidia shows off her coat she made after giving A-Train his bikini wax.
As Rey and the Chavos struggled to get free, the ring crew made a mental note to never let Rhyno help out with setting up the ropes.
I don't mind the cameramen always sneaking in cleavage shots of Trish all the time. It's the blatant Kurt Angle crotch shots that have got to stop.
The Rock Bottom:
Rikishi was a hero and Scotty was saved from the tractor beam. Scotty showed his appreciation by offering himself as a snack.
Holly: Squeal like a pig boy! PAY YOUR DUES
Angle: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Holly: THIS IS WHY THEY CALL ME SPARKY ****ING PLUG!
Loopydate:
The ref darted off-screen to check his rulebook. Seconds later, he returned to inform Scotty that using his new web-shooter to fire a blue nylon cord to Rikishi didn't count as a legal tag.
KIDMAN: Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
NOBLE: For the last time, you ain't Green Lantern! Stop makin' that noise!
KIDMAN: Reeeeeeeern...
Mr. Monday Morning:
Welcome to the 1st annual World Leaning Championships
Kane Knight:
Thanks to Affirmative Action, the WWE was forced to create the WWE "illegal immigrant" title.
Loose Cannon:
Brock does an impression of Goldberg watching Jeopardy
Always450:
All Nidia could do is gasp in shock. She COULD see Cena!!!
Good Ol JG:
Rikishi's happiness can only be compared to that of a kid in a candy store...a really fat kid...with a huge ass and no talent...
Brock: "You mean there is no easter bunny? Nuh uh! He visited me last night! He gave me cream filled eggs and I sat on his lap and he whispered sweet nothings in my ear!"
Eddie: "Uh...holmes...you sure that was the easter bunny? Or was it this guy?"
*The titan tron then shows a picture of Vince wearing nothing but a fluffy pink thong and little bunny ears*
Brock: 
RAW [2-9-2004]
Evolution:
Not even Vinnie Mack can get Goldberg to understand that he is allowed to use more than three moves.
Triple H: "Welcome to the booking committee meeting. Lets get it started shall we? Ok, if you insist, I WILL hold the title for 3 more years. Meeting adjourned."
Fryza:
Trish wondered if her breasts were holding her down.
Chris practices for WMXX.
Shawn was amazed as the contract read the follow:
I WILL JOB TO HUNTER I WILL JOB TO HUNTER I WILL JOB TO HUNTER ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US I WILL JOB TO HUNTER.
Where will you be when you're diarrhea acts up as you're being nailed to the invisble crucifix and your hemroids flare?
Mick was a little upset when his right hand formed a Halo over it. This would make masterbation alot creepier.
Randy: HOLY SHIT! Mick! I mean, this the second time! We got here just to see Steven Richards leave!
Orton: Okay....I've seen Goldberg do this a hundred times...I just run into him, and pray for the best...
Nowhere Man:
Earl: Okay, Earl, you can do it this time. Don't call for the bell, don't call for the bell, don't--
*calls for the bell*
Dammit!
Once again, Benoit proves he has the most violent "Guess Who?" in all of wrestling.
It became painfully obvious that Kane wasn't even trying anymore when he'd call for the beer guy in the middle of a match.
Randy: Wow, Mick must've REALLY wanted those cheese curls!
jbone829:
Vince: .....Benoits gonna beat HHH.........clean....middle of the ring..
Goldberg: ...Things that will never happen!
Ref: correct!
Randy: No Micks been shot again! Who did this to you Mick?!
Mick: .......
Batista: Mick answer him!
Mr. Monday Morning:
"Ok lemme see here - put self over, check. Depush Benoit, check. Have subtly homoerotic verbal exchange with Hunter, check."
"Hey Rikishi, you really lost weig...oh my God, Ric I'm so sorry."
Loose Cannon:
Cade, "Hey have you two seen where our careers went?
Jindrack, "Yeah we've been looking everywhere
In order to keep better track of things, HHH had the entire Raw lockeroom come out and write down how many times they've been buried by him.
HHH asks Shawn to check the list and make sure RVD and Booker didn't leave out a few zeros
HHH, Stop cheating Chris, I know I've buried you at least four....soon five times."
Chris, "You've never burie..........Wait, what"
The WWE told it's wrestlers that whenever Sean starts screaming for help, do your best to ignore him.
The Rock Bottom:
Grabbing a wolverine's crotch, another sign of hunger.
El Santo:
Triple H: "Jesus, Eric. Is it just me, or do tax forms get damn complicated after you get married?"
Batista admitted that he was impressed: he had no idea Foley could be used as a surfboard.