RAW [2-16-2004]
The Naitch:
I did this to Katie Vick once, and she LOVED it!
jbone:
Benoit: So at Wrestlemania, you're gonna tap at this point right?
HHH: Uh yeah...tap...
Eric: Hey Austin remember when I fired you?
Austin: Remember when I drove you out of business
Vince: Remember when you and Bischoff performed HGA at WM XX
Austin:..........What?
Benoit: It's MY time to win Shawn!
HBK: Nope
Benoit: It's my time Shawn!
HBK: Nope
Benoit:...You're a great wrestler and deserve the title
HBK: Nop.....dammit!
Fryza:
The World Championship Staring contest was down to its final two people, until Triple H nailed the Pedigree for the win.
Shawn: We don't take kindly to Canadians around the main event levels.
Shake:
"Halt! I am the spirit of HHH - where do you think you're going with those?"
Damnit, if Trish's cleavage and Lillian's strap-on dildo wouldn't entice the logo, nothing would.
It was finally revealed how HBK found God - Benoit held him in place as Hebner read him the Bible over and over.
Corkscrewed:
Benoit: "You better assure me that you're not going to screw me over in my Wrestlemania match with Triple H."
Shawn: "Of course not, Bre-- I mean..."
Christian: "Here's a rose. It's red, like a popped cherry. I mean, I just wanted to give it to you cuz you're the breast. I mean, wanna hump over to the club after tonight? Shit. You're sticking with Jericho, huh?"
Trish: "Yup."
Loopydate:
BOOKER: Yo, alien! Look! Gold! This is the most valuable substance on the planet. If you kill anyone else in this arena with one of these big gold belts, you'll be revered as gods!
RVD: You think it's gonna work?
ERIC: And then I said "Sure, Steph. I'd love to meet your friend BJ." What? What's with the loo-- Vince is right behind me, isn't he?
LILIAN: Yeah! Who's your ring announcer! Who's your ring announcer!
TRISH: I really wish she wouldn't do that...
TRISH: Wow. Thanks for the rose. Can I give you a kiss?
CHRISTIAN: I'd rather not. Chris might see this.
TRISH: How?
CHRISTIAN: Well, there's a lighting rig over your right shoulder, and there's a camera right next to my head.
TRISH: Oh my God! They've been filming all this the whole time?!?
HBK: Hey, what's that thing falling from the ceiling, and why does it say "Montreal, bitch" on it?
SmackDOWN! [2-19-2004]
Always450:
Chavo Jr: See Eddie! We can be a team!
Belty: Shut up, Midcarder!!! You stupid midcarder!!! I’ll bury you!!!
Chavo Jr: -GASP!!!- Eddie!!!
Eddie: I’m sorry ese! It wasn’t me talking! It was the belt!
Chavo Jr: Belts don’t talk!
Kurt: Oh the power… oh GOD the power! It’s almost orgasmic… OH THE POWER!!!
Vince: Okay Kurt… you’re scaring me… now get out of my chair.
El Santo:
John knew he had to be punished for wearing the yellow clothes, but being chained in the center of the ring while Kurt sings the Best of Barry Manilow? THat was both cruel and unusual!
As Shaniqua was sent down to OVW, she got her revenge by unleashing her new monster, the Rabid Ref! Unfortunately, she'd given him the brain of some fellow named Germaine Shepperd...
Kurt: "Uh... John... nearsighted much?"
John: "Everybody out there! Listen to me! Soylent Green is SEAN O'HAIRE! SEAN O'HAIRE!!!!!!"
Danny Basham froze when he realized that the Titantron wasn't showing the match as it was happening now, but rather he was seeing himself getting thrashed by Kurt Angle three minutes in the future.
When Dawn found Paul, stiff, unmoving, and with a suspicious bulge in his pants, she realized that she'd done it again.
And this delightful WWE-commisioned mural depicts the time when a 500 foot tall Eddie Guerrero devoured New York.
When mini-Angle saved the day by leaping onto Kurt's head, Eddie knew that he had taken one blow too many.
The Rock Bottom:
Eddie thought he had everything under control and celebrated having the belt. But he had fallen into Triple H's trap, and the ring began to bubble and boil into a melting pit of lava...
Triple H: "Ooooooooo-hohohoho. Aaaaaaaaa-hohohohoho. Feecha howaki "Smack Down Title." Hooooooooo-hohohohoho."
It was bad enough for Eddie to steal fornature, but to steal the WWE ring was a little much.
jbone:
Cena: I'M NOT TELLING YOU ANYTHING YOU DON'T ALREADY KNO--
Ref: *whack* what did Lord Vince tell you about uttering those lines?
Angle flashes back to his days in county .... and that one day in the shower room.....
Paul: Gondor asks for aid Kurt....
Kurt: For the last time this isn't Middle Earth!
Corkscrewed:
Tragically, Sean O'Haire got too close to the fan.
Eddie was ecstatic until something in the rafters caught his eye.
"The belt is fake, all your base belong to us, love Hunter???"
Eddie: "Hey! You're
standing,
and I'm about to
deliver a move!!!"
Chavo Sr.: *sigh*
Seeing...
The Kurt wasn't as scary as seeing
The Vince, but it was damn close.
Shake:
"If you can read this, you're about to get Angle Slammed..."
Angle's in for a surprise as Doug prepares his blue lightsaber.
After seeing his awesome genitals in the showers two years ago, Lance Storm forever haunted Kurt.
Fryza:
Even nose to nose, the SmackDown! Championship Stare Down was a huge success. Until Triple H came down, and nailed the Pedigree once again for the win.
This is what happens when you don't pay your bills. You're left with just the pipes in your house as furniture.
RAW [2-23-2004]
Corkscrewed:
Benoit: "Wheee!!! This nude hangliding is what I've always wanted to do. Wait a moment, this isn't where I was supposed to land..."
Paul Carrington:
Mick: Hey I'll tell you how I feel They punched me Kicked me th-
JR: Stunner!
Mick:
No they didn't stunner me bu-
JR: Governed mule!
Mick:...umm anyways I don't remember to muc-
JR: Bah gawd!!
Mick: Lemme finish I remem-
JR: Sorry fans I don't mean to be biased but this man is a stain on the underwear of life
*Mick does his double arm DDT*
JR: John cena with the Rock bottom!
Fryza:
When Victoria needed a high note, Stevie fisted her. Worked everytime.
Orton: Okay...Batista, you go in and attack straight down the middle. The rest of us will run to the limo and party..
Batista: Hey...wait no! That isn't fair.
Hunter: Yeah Randy, I'm the one that writes the shots around here...
Batista: Yeah!
Hunter: Okay Batista, you go in and attack straight down the middle. The rest of us will run to the limo and party..
Batista: Yea...wait...
Benoit finally broke the glass ceiling, and stayed there, by hanging on to O'Haire's cage.
Vince: Your soul is MINE!
Eric: ...actually..Hunter alread has i...
Vince: SILENCE PEON!
Loose Cannon:
Jazz: So what's he doing now.
Victoria: I think he's setting up for the magic show.
Jazz: Oh, the juggling act is over already?
Benoit: You better tap or I'll tell the whole world what I saw happening inside Vince's office yesterday.
HHH: Oh Sh**....Tap Shawn, Tap Nowwwwwwww.
Kane: OK, it was funny last week, but paying me in oreo cookies really has to stop.
As you can see, hide-and-go-seek really wasn't Brock's game.
jbone:
Christian: Hi Trish, I think you're the breast wrestler...I mean, your moves are tittilating.....wait let me try this again...nice boobs.
ketchupisyourfriend:
Lita: We love your subs, cuz they are good to us! EAT QUIZNOS SUBS!!!
Victoria: For the love of god make it stop!!
El Santo:
Victoria knew that it was a tad severe, but someone had to make sure that Lita never sung on "WWE Originals" ever again.
Benoit proves to the fans why he deserves as shot at the World Heavyweight Title: here, he lifts a Chevy Vega over his head while forty pound weights dangle from his ... er, he's lifting a Chevy Vega. That's impressive.
Batista: "Ow? Why so upset? Don't these captions always tell me to grab a Snickers?"
Benoit: "The candy, you fool! The CANDY!!!"
Mick: "... and the moral of the story is, JR, if you go on the internet, don't tell Brock."
Stacy: "Uh, Vince, a little help? Rhyno's at it again...."
Vince: "God bless that Rhyno..."
Boy. This is so typical of Vince. He's surrounded by two fabulous blondes, and all he does is close his eyes and think about hosses.
ColdwaVer:
Hebner: Why do they even trust me with Canadians and submissions, anyways...
"Who controls the British crown, who keeps the metric system down, I do... I do..."
Mick's JR impression got him over further than he had ever been before...
We now return to "find the push" with Vince McMahon...
In keeping with current events, Austin uses his authority as Sherriff to perform a same-sex marriage.
Failing proctology, Lesnar becomes WWE's "naptime enforcer."
Iceman90:
Lita and Victoria team up in a match against the glass ceiling. Unfortuantly, they lost.
The Rock Bottom:
Triple H threw a fit, and remembered a previous conversation.
(20 minutes earlier)
Chris: Hunter, can I have the title at Wrestlemania?
Hunter: *Busts out laughing* The day you can balance yourself on your own penis, I will job you the World Title.
HHH:
Brock: Steve... Don't go toward the light...
Steve: Uncle Bernie?
Brock: Steve... Come back. Don't go Steve...
Steve: Brian?
Brock: Steve! DON'T QUIT ON ME DAMNIT!
Steve: Brock's career?
Brock: ...
Loopydate:
CHRIS: What the f--when did they install a Glass Wall?
CHRISTIAN: Okay. Now I'm going to blindfold you...
TRISH: Oh, no. I've fallen for THIS before!
CHRISTIAN: No, no. We're going to play "Pin the Tail on the Donkey."
TRISH: Oh. Well, I guess that's better than "Pin the Pickle Down Trish's Thr--"
CHRISTIAN: Or we could just watch TV or something.
TRISH: No, I'm not going to trust you! President Bush says that "X"es are evil!
CHRISTIAN: No, he says there's an "Axis of Evil."
TRISH: What?