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**Corkscrewed** · 01-15-2004, 06:46 PM

SmackDOWN! [2-26-2004]
The Rock Bottom:

Kurt Angle posed for his "WWE Main Event" identifcation card, a new requirement enforced by Vince McMahon to assure that people like Hardcore Holly would never falsely enter themselves in a main event.

Eddie Guerrero was frustrated at Heyman, already having lined up two challengers for his Illegal Immigrant Title.

But that Sean O'Haire was coaching the Divas by telling them what John was about to throw... that sonofabitch!

John Cena was embarassed. Apparently, when he said, "You can't see this," and whipped out his penis, he was right.

Rita knew she had the battle won, when her overgrown monster put an end to the Black Ranger once and for all.

Eddie was under even more pressure, when not only did he have two contenders for the Illegal Immigrant Title, but Heyman had formed a "Border Patrol" stable!

Always450:

Rey: That�s it! I�m out of here! There was a promo that cut into our match, and Nunzio just got attacked by Stevie Richards and the ref isn�t doing a damn thing about it.

Ref: So Scotty, how are the wife and kids?
Scotty: They�re fine.
Ref: That�s good. Hey, around 15 mins away there�s this great mom and pop burger stand. Best burgers I�ve ever had.
Scotty: That�s nice�.. Shouldn�t you be doing something? I mean, isn�t there a match going on?
Ref: Didn�t matter in the last match.

Cena: No! Show! Don�t look! They�re showing the HBK/Triple H/Steph double penetration video on the titantron again!
Show: OH GOD NO!

Nick: No Show, you can NOT have your own pet cruiserweight!
Show: But I found it�
Nick: Take it back to where you found it or Vince will take away your push!
Show: yessir�

Nick: When will Rhyno stop?
Show: Hey lookie! I have some talent glued onto me!

Cop: I�m sorry sir, but we need to reach out Mexican quota, and we sorta need someone.
Eddie: Racial profiling? You are horrible cops! Beside, I�m from El Paso, Texas. How do you know I�m Latino?
Cop: There�s a Mexican flag right above your head.

Corkscrewed:

Unbeknownst to Bradshaw, the ref had tilted the match in Scott's and Rikishi's favor by using the Force to drop a giant Wrestlemania XX anvil on Farooq.

Cena takes his Eminem inspiration a little too far when he starts assaulting women.

Cena agreed that Sable was looking sexy enough... but why was Torrie wearing a mumu?

If assaulting women didn't make him a hated heel, abusing Mexican Hollywood celebrities would!!!

Ref: So Scotty, how are the wife and kids?
Scotty: They�re fine.
Ref: That�s good. Hey, around 15 mins away there�s this great mom and pop burger stand. Best burgers I�ve ever had.
Scotty: That�s nice�.. say, we should probably get back to the match, huh?
Ref: Yeah, that's a good id--OH MY GOODNESS, WHAT THE HECK IS RIKISHI DOING TO BRADSHAW????

Kane Knight:

Out of Crazy glue, Rhyno hid in the rafters for some fun with magnets...

Eddie realized that this was probably a BAD time for his theme to start playing. After all, few judges offer leniency when the video of the crime states "I lie and cheat and steal."

Loose Cannon:

See that guy, I stole his push.
**points to Charlie Haas selling Cotton Candy in the stands.

Eddie's "Push for 60 days" Coupon had finally expired, he now had to go to Velocity.

El Santo:

After having to watch Rikishi & Scotty vs. APA, the Ref had had enough. He morphed his hand into a blade, and may God have mercy on them all.

Torrie: "And this lovely number, modeled by our very own Sable, is made entirely of A-Train's back hair!"
Sable: "A-Train's... you told me this was mink, you slut!"

The WWE's first "Got Your Nose" match got off to a rousing start.

Ref: "Hey, Wight! That's not the US Title!"
Show: "Huh? Oh, sorry Chavo."

Eddie was thrilled when the Village People showed up to perform "Stop, In the Name of Love".

MVP:

When force didn't work, Brock resorted to tickling.

Torrie: "Billy and I did it in a restaurant, an office, an airplane."
Sable: "I've been with Triple H"
Torrie: "Oh...you must've done some kinky stuff then."
Sable: "Actually he called all the shots."

The Iron Yuppie:

Billy did the two things in the world that he shouldn't have done to Brock: He bragged about his high-speed internet and he said that Barney the Dinosaur kicked The Teletubbies' asses

Loopydate:

KURT: Hi. I'm Kurt Angle, Olympic champion. On behalf of the WWE SmackDown locker room, I would like to take this opportunity to speak directly to our fans. We're sorry about Sean O'Haire's depush. We're sorry about Hardcore Holly's main event run. We're sorry that Bradshaw still has a contract, but Kanyon does not. We're sorry that the Cruiserweight division has consisted of four men over the last year. But we're trying. I mean, we gave Eddie freakin' Guerrero the WWE Title! That's gotta mean something, right? Right? Yeah, you're right. I guess you'd better change the channel now, 'cause there's going to be a killer Cruiserweight match opening the show that gets interrupted by a backstage segment. But, hey, at least the segment features a couple of Cruiserweights! Well, not so much "features" as...well... Ah, just roll the opening montage.

Rey couldn't help but chuckle. How he managed to convince Nunzio that if he looked REALLY closely at the canvas, "The Godfather" was playing, was beyond him.

BRADSHAW: "If you can read this...I hope you don't mind me eating your knees?" Wha--OW!

Rey hated it when the hosses decided it was time to play "Catch."

======================
======================
======================
JANUARY'S MOST POPULAR CAPTIONS:
Loopydate:

After botching a move, Chavo had to go to the "Time Out Chair."

Rico does his "Vince McMahon watching a hoss match" impression.

Corkscrewed:

Holly: "Stupid. Chair. Dammit... Easy-Fold my ass!"

Loose Cannon:

Kurt, "Wow, what's this golden box"
Heyman, "Well that's where Vince keeps his buried gimmicks. Go ahead Dawn, open her up."
Voice from Box, "I'm not telling you anything you don't already know."

FEBRUARY'S MOST POPULAR CAPTIONS:
Mr. Monday Morning:

"So then Jesus rides into Nazareth on a donkey, and this woman shouts 'Nice ass!', and...what?"

Kane Knight:

Thanks to Affirmative Action, the WWE was forced to create the WWE "illegal immigrant" title.

Nowhere Man:

Show does his world-famous impression of the entire Jackson family, complete with Michael's crotch grabbing, Janet's nipple slipping, and Tito's wondering-where-the-hell-his-career-went.

ColdwaVer:

Failing proctology, Lesnar becomes WWE's "naptime enforcer."

01-15-2004, 06:46 PM	#6
Corkscrewed Posts: 18,357	SmackDOWN! [2-26-2004] The Rock Bottom: Kurt Angle posed for his "WWE Main Event" identifcation card, a new requirement enforced by Vince McMahon to assure that people like Hardcore Holly would never falsely enter themselves in a main event. Eddie Guerrero was frustrated at Heyman, already having lined up two challengers for his Illegal Immigrant Title. But that Sean O'Haire was coaching the Divas by telling them what John was about to throw... that sonofabitch! John Cena was embarassed. Apparently, when he said, "You can't see this," and whipped out his penis, he was right. Rita knew she had the battle won, when her overgrown monster put an end to the Black Ranger once and for all. Eddie was under even more pressure, when not only did he have two contenders for the Illegal Immigrant Title, but Heyman had formed a "Border Patrol" stable! Always450: Rey: That�s it! I�m out of here! There was a promo that cut into our match, and Nunzio just got attacked by Stevie Richards and the ref isn�t doing a damn thing about it. Ref: So Scotty, how are the wife and kids? Scotty: They�re fine. Ref: That�s good. Hey, around 15 mins away there�s this great mom and pop burger stand. Best burgers I�ve ever had. Scotty: That�s nice�.. Shouldn�t you be doing something? I mean, isn�t there a match going on? Ref: Didn�t matter in the last match. Cena: No! Show! Don�t look! They�re showing the HBK/Triple H/Steph double penetration video on the titantron again! Show: OH GOD NO! Nick: No Show, you can NOT have your own pet cruiserweight! Show: But I found it� Nick: Take it back to where you found it or Vince will take away your push! Show: yessir� Nick: When will Rhyno stop? Show: Hey lookie! I have some talent glued onto me! Cop: I�m sorry sir, but we need to reach out Mexican quota, and we sorta need someone. Eddie: Racial profiling? You are horrible cops! Beside, I�m from El Paso, Texas. How do you know I�m Latino? Cop: There�s a Mexican flag right above your head. Corkscrewed: Unbeknownst to Bradshaw, the ref had tilted the match in Scott's and Rikishi's favor by using the Force to drop a giant Wrestlemania XX anvil on Farooq. Cena takes his Eminem inspiration a little too far when he starts assaulting women. Cena agreed that Sable was looking sexy enough... but why was Torrie wearing a mumu? If assaulting women didn't make him a hated heel, abusing Mexican Hollywood celebrities would!!! Ref: So Scotty, how are the wife and kids? Scotty: They�re fine. Ref: That�s good. Hey, around 15 mins away there�s this great mom and pop burger stand. Best burgers I�ve ever had. Scotty: That�s nice�.. say, we should probably get back to the match, huh? Ref: Yeah, that's a good id--OH MY GOODNESS, WHAT THE HECK IS RIKISHI DOING TO BRADSHAW???? Kane Knight: Out of Crazy glue, Rhyno hid in the rafters for some fun with magnets... Eddie realized that this was probably a BAD time for his theme to start playing. After all, few judges offer leniency when the video of the crime states "I lie and cheat and steal." Loose Cannon: See that guy, I stole his push. points to Charlie Haas selling Cotton Candy in the stands. Eddie's "Push for 60 days" Coupon had finally expired, he now had to go to Velocity. El Santo: After having to watch Rikishi & Scotty vs. APA, the Ref had had enough. He morphed his hand into a blade, and may God have mercy on them all. Torrie: "And this lovely number, modeled by our very own Sable, is made entirely of A-Train's back hair!" Sable: "A-Train's... you told me this was mink, you slut!" The WWE's first "Got Your Nose" match got off to a rousing start. Ref: "Hey, Wight! That's not the US Title!" Show: "Huh? Oh, sorry Chavo." Eddie was thrilled when the Village People showed up to perform "Stop, In the Name of Love". MVP: When force didn't work, Brock resorted to tickling. Torrie: "Billy and I did it in a restaurant, an office, an airplane." Sable: "I've been with Triple H" Torrie: "Oh...you must've done some kinky stuff then." Sable: "Actually he called all the shots." The Iron Yuppie: Billy did the two things in the world that he shouldn't have done to Brock: He bragged about his high-speed internet and he said that Barney the Dinosaur kicked The Teletubbies' asses Loopydate: KURT: Hi. I'm Kurt Angle, Olympic champion. On behalf of the WWE SmackDown locker room, I would like to take this opportunity to speak directly to our fans. We're sorry about Sean O'Haire's depush. We're sorry about Hardcore Holly's main event run. We're sorry that Bradshaw still has a contract, but Kanyon does not. We're sorry that the Cruiserweight division has consisted of four men over the last year. But we're trying. I mean, we gave Eddie freakin' Guerrero the WWE Title! That's gotta mean something, right? Right? Yeah, you're right. I guess you'd better change the channel now, 'cause there's going to be a killer Cruiserweight match opening the show that gets interrupted by a backstage segment. But, hey, at least the segment features a couple of Cruiserweights! Well, not so much "features" as...well... Ah, just roll the opening montage. Rey couldn't help but chuckle. How he managed to convince Nunzio that if he looked REALLY closely at the canvas, "The Godfather" was playing, was beyond him. BRADSHAW: "If you can read this...I hope you don't mind me eating your knees?" Wha--OW! Rey hated it when the hosses decided it was time to play "Catch." ====================== ====================== ====================== JANUARY'S MOST POPULAR CAPTIONS: Loopydate: After botching a move, Chavo had to go to the "Time Out Chair." Rico does his "Vince McMahon watching a hoss match" impression. Corkscrewed: Holly: "Stupid. Chair. Dammit... Easy-Fold my ass!" Loose Cannon: Kurt, "Wow, what's this golden box" Heyman, "Well that's where Vince keeps his buried gimmicks. Go ahead Dawn, open her up." Voice from Box, "I'm not telling you anything you don't already know." FEBRUARY'S MOST POPULAR CAPTIONS: Mr. Monday Morning: "So then Jesus rides into Nazareth on a donkey, and this woman shouts 'Nice ass!', and...what?" Kane Knight: Thanks to Affirmative Action, the WWE was forced to create the WWE "illegal immigrant" title. Nowhere Man: Show does his world-famous impression of the entire Jackson family, complete with Michael's crotch grabbing, Janet's nipple slipping, and Tito's wondering-where-the-hell-his-career-went. ColdwaVer:** Failing proctology, Lesnar becomes WWE's "naptime enforcer." Last edited by Corkscrewed; 03-16-2004 at 03:31 AM.