Hey Randy, see the name on this belt? It's not on a removable plate.
Eric Bischoff: Tonight, for the World Heavyweight Championship, it's going to be Triple H vs. Batista.
Triple H: You must be tired Dave. Why don't you lie down for a bit. Say three seconds?
Batista:..................
Randy Orton's theory was correct. The glass ceiling was actually a part of a glass building, as Randy Orton proved by opening a glass door.
OR
My alien spaceship should be hear in 3-2-1.
*Alien spaceship behind Randy lands.*
JR: BAHGAWD! ORTON'S AN ALIEN?!? BAHGAWD ALL HELL IS ABOUT TO BREAK LOOSE!!!! RATTLESNAKE!!!! AUSTIN!!! AUSTIN!!! STUNNER!!!
Mike Chiota really didn't need to start doing his interpretive dance right there and then, did he?
Jack Doan in a loud and booming voice: So Hurri-buddy, how did you get to the arena tonight?
Jack Doan in a small and squeaky voice: I flew, Muhammad.
Jack Doan in loud voice: Really, Hurri-buddy?
Jack Doan in squeaky voice: Yeah, my arms are tired.
Jack Doan in load voice: I'm pretty banged up too, Hurri-buddy.
Jack Doan in quiet voice: Did you ride your camel, Muhammad?
Jack Doan in loud voice: Nope, Stephanie McMahon.
Jack Doan doing both voices at once: A-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
Muhammad and Hurricane together: That's why we're being kept down!!!!!
Edge: This is not a submission! Rhyno glued his legs up before the match!
Edge: You keep screwing me over, I've been waiting for a match with you for a long time.
Shawn Michaels: You had your match, then I beat you. You had another match, then I beat you again.
Edge: I have not! I want you at WerstleMania!
Shawn Michaels: No, I've already beaten you twice, Jericho
Edge: Uh, I'm not Chris Jericho.
Shawn Michaels: Haha, don't think think I'm going to fall for that. It didn't work for "Brent" Hart, it won't work for you.
Edge:
.......
The spitting match was off to a good start.....
JR: BAHGAWD! Edge's head just got sucked into that inconspicuously placed vacuum!
King: Haha, Edge is like a human vacuum cleaner. He both sucks and blows, JR!
Vince McMahon: Welcome back to the writing team, Paul.
Paul Heyman: Good to be back, Mr. McMahon. What would you like me to write?
Vince McMahon: Just tell us where to go from here.
*Vince McMahon turns on giant TV screen.*
Shawn Michaels: Argh! Argh! I'm.......having.........a baby! I'm.....having........a.......Heart.......Break.........CADE!!!!!!!!!!
*The referees block our view for a minute, then they move to reveal Garrison Cade in baby attire.*
*Mike Chiota checks Shawn Michaels' pulse.*
Mike Chiota: .......He's dead.
Paul Heyman with head in hands: Oh God.....
Ode to Joy starts to play as we see the light from some kind of video screen appear from the left of the screen, and we can see in the reflection off the back wall it is of Shawn Michaels and Triple H holding down talent.
Edge: No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edge: It was horrible, Christian! They were trying to brain wash me with a video of talent being held down, but someone accidentally.....
Christian (off screen): Accidentally did what Edge?
Edge: Taped over the end with "One Night in China!".
Hot air rises. Get it? Hot air? Hot air rises? The Divas are a waste of space? Empty space? Air? Hot? Hot air ris....ah forget it!
Lilian Garcia's heel turn was so barbaric. And The Gobbeldy Gooker never saw it coming.
Simon Dean: No Kane! That's my viagra!
Kane: Now you'll find out why they call me the Big.....Red....Machine!
OR
Kane: Ahahaha, now I've taken my evil pills, or epills, I shall be unstoppable!
*Kane proceeds to grow into a roughly Godzilla-sized version of himself.*
Simon Dean: IT'S MORPHIN' TIME!!!!!!!!!!
Kane: Oh yeah, that got it. Thanks Dr. Gene.
Snitsky: I'm just doing my job as a chiropractor/abortionist.
OR
The Mega Zord-sky saved Simon Dean just in time.
JR: BAHGAWD! Snitsky just hacked up Kane with his pattented Mashnetty. These Snitsky puns may be lame, but they're so easy.
OK, if Kane having sexual intercourse with dead bodies wasn't enough, his Kane-ible gimmick was WAAAAAY too much.
No, it did not matter if Christian could manipulate the laws of time and space, he was not getting a push.
Benoit: OW! My foot!
Mike Chiota: What the fuck?
Benoit: Must get pickle jar open!
Jericho: BENOIT, HELP ME YOU SANCTIMONIOUS SON OF A BITCH!!!
Benoit: Oh. Sorry.
JR: BAHGAWD! "Arthritis Victim" Chris Benoit and "The Man Born Without a Mouth" Chris Jericho have done it! They've finally triumphed despite their vicious disabilities!
King:
Batista debuted his new gimmick:
Dave "Can tap into radio signals and play them out of his mouth" Batista.
Fed up with not being used, Steven Richards, wearing one boot and one knee pad, attacked Randy Orton.
Triple H: BATISTA! YOUR NOSE ..........is fine. BATISTA! YOUR EYES........are perfect.
Batista: Dammit! Stop distracting me!
Randy Orton: How does this feel, Dave?
Batista: Ugh, ugh, ugh.....great.
Triple H: While Randy treats you to your massage, do you like what I did to your eyebrows?
Batista (looks into mirror): Lovely.
God: Is that enough light there, Dave?
Batista: Yes thanks, Lord.
Triple H: I'm thinking about using some blush to bring out your cheeks, then putting giving you some eyeliner. By the way, you'll be jobbing at Mania. Then some perfume, eye shadow, mascara.....
Batista:....................
That's it I'm done! My crappy captions are finished! Yay! Once I do one caption, I have to do the rest, so a lot of them are really forced.