Just bought Season 5 of the Simpsons yesterday, it made me remember tons of brilliant quotes that I'd forgotten about.
Mr. Burns:Smithers, I've designed a new airplane. I call it the "Spruce Moose", and it will carry two hundred passengers from New York's Idyllwild Airport to the Belgian Congo in seventeen minutes!
Smithers: That's quite a nice model, sir.
Burns: Model?
*Later*
Burns: To the plant. And the Spruce Moose will take us there. Hop in, Smithers.
Smithers: But sir, that's just...
Burns: *pulls out a gun* I said, "hop in".
Jasper: *gets zapped by house-laser* Oh... my cataracts are gone. I can see again! All the beauty of natu-
*gets zapped again* Ugh. I'm blind... Oh well, easy come, easy go.
Flanders: Who should lead the [vigilante] group?
Man in crowd: YOU!
Crowd: YAY! FLANDERS! FLANDERS! FLANDERS!
Flanders: I don't really have very much experience, but I'll be-
Moe: SOMEONE ELSE!
Crowd: YAY! SOMEONE ELSE! SOMEONE ELSE! SOMEONE ELSE!
Lionel Hutz: Well, I didn't win. Here's your pizza.
Marge: But we did win.
Lionel Hutz: That's okay, the box is empty!
Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your papers?
Lionel Hutz: Heh, you see kids, from now on, Lionel Hutz doesn't exist. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!
Lawyer: Well, what about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say, "Die, Bart, Die"?
Sideshow Bob: Haha, oh no, that's German for, "The Bart, The".
Parole Judge: No one who speaks German can be an evil man! Parole Granted!
Skinner: Any sign of the burglar yet?
Homer: He'll show.
Skinner: How's that?
Homer: It's his job.
Skinner: How's that?
Homer: He's a professional burglar.
*Dragnet theme and much nodding*
Dr. Hibbert: Well, only one in two million people has what we call the "evil gene". Hitler had it, Walt Disney had it, and... Freddy Quimby has it.
Lionel Hutz: Thank you, Dr. Hibbert. I rest my case.
Judge: You rest your case?
Lionel Hutz: What? Oh no, I thought that was just a figure of speech. Case closed.
Homer:What does "sequestered" mean?
Skinner: If the jury is deadlocked they're put up in a hotel together so they can't communicate with the outside world.
Homer: What does "deadlocked" mean?
Skinner: It's when the jury can't agree on a verdict.
Homer: Uh huh. And "if"?
Skinner: A conjunction meaning "in the event that" or "on condition that".
Homer: So if we don't all vote the same way, we'll be deadlocked and have to be sequestered in the Springfield Palace Hotel--
Patty: That's not going to happen.
Jasper: Let's vote. My liver is failing.
Homer: --where we'll get a free room, free food, free swimming pool, free HBO... ooh! Free Willy!
Skinner: Simpson, justice has little, if anything, to do with a disobedient whale.