[loopydate]

I know this is probably instant death, but I've never really watched "Family Guy." "Simpsons" on the other hand..."That's where I'm a Viking!"

Bart: Milhouse! You were supposed to be the night watchman!
Milhouse: I was watching. First it started falling over, then it fell over.

Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!

Lou: I went to the McDonalds over in Shelbyville the other day.
Chief Wiggum: The Mc-what?
Lou: Yeah, I never heard of it either but they say they have over 2000 locations in this state alone.
Eddie: Hmm...Must've sprung up over night.
Lou: But you know, its the little differences.
Chief Wiggum: Example?
Lou: Well at a McDonalds you can get a Krusty Burger with cheese. But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Get out! What do they call it?
Lou: A quarter pounder with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Quarter pounder with cheese...well I can see the cheese but? Hey, do they have Krusty's Partially Gelatinated Gum-Based beverages?
Lou: Yeah, they call them 'shakes.'
Eddie: *Pfft* 'Shakes.' You don't know what you're gettin'.

Amish Farmer: 'Tis a fine barn, but sure 'tis no pool, English.
Homer: D'oh-eth!

Kang: Holy fleurking schnit!

Kent Brockman: ...and the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.

Barney: I'm Barney Gumble, and I'm and alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scout meeting.
Barney: Is it? Or is it that you girls can't admit that you have a problem!

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children.

Chief Wiggum: What IS your fascination with my forbidden closet of mysteries?

Dr. Nick: [singing] The kneebone's connected to the... something. The something's connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch. ...Uh oh.

Alien: I bring you love!
Larry: It's bringing love, don't let it get away!
Carl: Break its legs!

Apu: Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie!

Willy: There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman!

Apu: There it is, the world's first convenience store.
Homer: This isn't very convenient.
Apu: Must you knock on everything we do?

Homer: Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?

Damn, there's a lot of these... I could keep going for days. Basically, anything that Ralph says, most of what Homer says and...ah, hell, it'll take me dozens of these posts to get to them all!