Originally Posted by loopydate

Ross: We're live! We're live! Here at Wrestlemania 20, in MSG. Boy King we've had a hell of a show so far tonight. I just can't believe the match Nicole Bass and John Cleese just put on for us.

King: Oh, no doubt about it JR! When he pulled out the machete and stabbed his opponent, my eyeballs popped out of my head! It was unbelievable.

(This is late in the card, probably just past the halfway matches. Only two matches remain. Corkscrewed's music sounds!)

The fans are on their feet, chanting obscenities. And when Corkscrewed emerges from the crowd, everyone goes nuts!

Ross: Wow. This has got to be one of the captacular human beings I have ever seen. The spontaneity of this guy is incredible.

King: Oh without a doubt, JR. I heard this guy can crush a beer can with his mind!

Corkscrwed reaches the ring and goes his usual taunt. The crowd pops like hell. All the sudden, Dark_Kane's music hits and a chorus of boo's erupts in the arena. Dark_Kane makes his way down to the ring with a stick protruding from his forehead. The crowd is shocked.

Garcia: The following contest is a Loser Eats Shit match, scheduled for the hell of it, and is for the World Wrestling Entertainment Final Fantasy X-2 Championship!

The bell rings.

Ross: Man oh man, this is gonna be a fart knocker. This is Corkscrewed vs. Dark_Kane. Perhaps two of the most mismatched superstars in history are about to lock up in the squared circle, and King, RVD couldn't be higher.

The two begin exchanging phone numbers and we're underway. The are jockeying for position (couldn't think of anything better) at this point, and it's still anybody's Chutes and Laddersgame. Corkscrewed begins to kick his opponent on the balls, much to everyone's surprise.

King: Holy smokes JR! That guy is puppies!
Ross: OH MAH GAWD, HE IS LITERALLY STUNNERUNPRETTIERBAHGAWD.

The match continues, with Corkscrewed in control. But Dark_Kane counters with a tope to the empty floor. The crowd pops! Dark_Kane is back to his feet, but quickly hit with the baseball bat! Corkscrewed signals for his finisher, The Colostomizer! He hits it! 1! 2! Kick-out. He goes for it again! 1! 2! Kickout!

Ross: BAH GAWD, in my entire vocabulary, have never sounded like Enya before!
King: Boy you got that right JR!

Cokscrewed begins to get frustrated, and goes for a piss outside the ring. He begins to unload on his opponent with it, right in the face, three times, and the ref rings the bell. Booing erupts once again. When all the sudden, sexymanalive's music hits and _he rushes down to the ring, stopping Corkscrewed's attack with a napkin! The crowd goes home.

We break for an interview with loopydate, who is pumped for their upcoming match. This match is next!

Ross: Well ladies and gentlemen, Wrestlemania 20 is brought to you by Final Fantasy X-2, and by Final Fantasy X-2. Hungry? Why wait! Grab a Final Fantasy X-2.
King: And by Final Fantasy X-2! Have fun in your very own home with a miniature version of Final Fantasy X-2!

loopydate's music hits. The crowd is on their feet. This is by far the hugest pop of the night. loopydate makes his way to the ring, preparing himself for the biggest match of his weekend. The fans die down as stonecoldstunner's music hits, and instantly everyone begins to boo so loud you can't even hear their music. He takes his time getting to the ring, spitting vomit into the air the whole way. Finally one last spit by the ropes, and the match is underway.

A long staring takes place, where loopydate looks stonecoldstunner up and down. The two lock horns. loopydate gets the better of his opponent, and stonecoldstunner steps back. They lock up again, this time loopydate sends a postcard to his opponent's sister. The crowd returns.

Ross: My brains are literally non-existant, King. I've been waiting for this match for a long time.
King: I hear you, JR. My money is on stonecoldstunner though, he's gotten quite a lot of savage man-love from Mark Henry in the past weeks. He is really dominating the match.

The two continue changing positions, until as King says, [I] begins to dominate. This goes on for a good 0.5 minutes, until loopydate reverses with a balloon full of earwax! The crowd is on their feet! He continues with many bullets to the face, followed by a devastating string of "Yo mama" jokes. The Intercontinental Captioning champion seems to be strikingly handsome, as he continues his assault. Near fall. loopydate goes for another pin but gets a near fall again. Then all the sudden, stonecoldstunner tries to counter with a weak insult but hits the ref! The ref is down! rabidwolverine runs out, followed by Dark_Kane and sexymanalive, and they are stomping the hell out of themselves! But all the sudden Corkscrewed's music hits and the crowd goes wild as they run to the ring holding a sign that says "Jobbers Begone!", and begin to clear the ring! He executes a Spear on rabidwolverine, then a superkick to Dark_Kane and finally a hard stiff shot with the sign, leaving him in the ring with the two contendors for this match! The crowd cheers him to hit stonecoldstunner, and he is compelled by the fans to do so! He gives stonecoldstunner a mean shot to the nuts and flees the ring as the ref gains consciousness!

The fans are pulling for loopydate to get up and make the cover, and he does! 1!!!!!!!!!! 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KICKOUT! The fans are going wild with anticipation as stonecoldstunner stalks the champion, preparing to execute the Stone Cold Stunner! He connects! 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2!!!!!!!!!! KICKOUT! Oh my goodness! The champ kicked out! stonecoldstunner locks on the electrodes, and the champ screams in agony! And passes out from the pain! stonecoldstunner goes for the cover! 1!!!!!!!!!! 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3!!!!!!!!!!!!

HERE IS YOUR WINNER, AND, NEWWWWWWWWWWWWW, WORLD WRESTLING INTERCONTINENTAL CAPTIONING CHAMPIONNNNNNNNN, STONECOLDSTUNNER!!!!

Ross: GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY! STONECOLDSTUNNER HIT THE "DEPARTURE FROM REALITY" SWITCH AND IT WAS ALL OVER! WHAT A HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-ELLOFAMATCH. THANK YOU FOR JOINING US AND TUNE IN TO RAW TOMORROW NIGHT, UNTIL THEN IM JIM ROSS FOR JERRY LAWLER, WISHING YOU A STUNNERUNPRETTIERBARBECUESAUCEAUSTINBAHGAWD!