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King K Cool
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VENGEANCE 2002
• The show opens with the "Ezekiel 25:17 quote" from Pulp Fiction, just so the voice-over man can say "vengeance".
• The mix of music (of a certain genre), pyro, graphics and the voice-over man* saying "And now!", still gets me really pumped-up and excited for the PPV even though I've already seen it before.
As you'd expect, I'm now going to point out how that doesn't happen for me anymore with the current product.
These days, the opening graphics for PPV's are just five seconds long, which is just enough time for the voice-over man to say the name of the sponsor and then the event and that's it, the graphics disappear and we see the crowd sitting on their arses whilst some horrible song is playing and we have spotlights flying around the arena.
The opening graphics for this PPV was around fifteen seconds long and during that time, the music and graphics gets you pumped-up and then after that, you get pyro going off pretty much everywhere for around five seconds and then the various camera shots of the crowd going nuts.
You can't help but get sucked into the crowd's excitement. I'm even getting goosebumps now just thinking about it.
It's such a drastic change and as TLC is tonight, I'll really notice the difference when I watch that.
* I know his name but for the life of me, I can't remember it at the moment and it's bugging the absolute hell out of me.
• Anyway, Michael Cole and Tazz kick the show off and explain that they'll be calling the first half of the PPV regardless of the brand of the match.
The opening match is Bubba & Spike Dudley vs Eddie Guerrero & Chris Benoit in a Tag Team Table Match.
Throughout the match, Eddie kept having his own wrestling matches with the tables as he was always failing to hold, carry and set-up the tables.
At one point during the match, Cole said "Bubba is intense but he loves to have fun!" and I just thought "Wow, he's been saying that people love to have fun for over fifteen years now."
The eliminations came in quick succession and all during the last five (or so) minutes of the match.
Spike eliminated Eddie but it looked a bit painful for Eddie and it actually looked more like Eddie put Spike through a table.
A minute later Benoit eliminated Spike.
And then fifty seconds later, Bubba won the match by putting Benoit's ass (quite literally) through a table.
Even though all the eliminations happened one after another and there was no "real threat" of someone being left fighting a handicap match, it was still quite an enjoyable match.
• Jamie Noble vs Billy Kidman for the Cruiserweight Championship was next and I was looking forward to this match without Lalwer perving on Nidia like he did at King of the Ring.
It was a decent match and there wasn't much in it that I could talk about other than Tazz calling Nidia a "blushing tomata" (whatever that is) and me being surprised that Cole and Tazz actually called a Tiger Bomb when Noble won with it.
As we all know, Cole usually just says "OH! What a move!" these days.
• The European Championship match is up next between William Regal and Jeff Hardy.
During the match, Tazz almost called the European Championship the "Europenis Championship", he then got flustered and asked where Europe was.
He got "Europeni-" out and stopped.
Tazz had no interest in this match as his voice sounded so lethargic and he kept asking pointless questions, such as what is up with Hardy's hair and if Hardy is wearing facepaint and if he is, then what kind is it.
This match wasn't even five minutes long as Hardy won suddenly with a surprise roll-up.
Regal then tried to kick a photographer.
I love Regal.
• Next was Chris Jericho vs John Cena and the only reason I'm mentioning this is because the "Micheal Cole Rookie Count" was sixteen (which is a new record).
The match was six minutes long.
Just imagine Cole's commentary for that match if he can manage to say one word sixteen times in six minutes.
• JR and Jerry Lalwer come out after the match to JR's theme and take over from Cole & Tazz.
• Yet another title match (not that I'm complaining) and it's Brock Lesnar vs Rob Van Dam for the Intercontinental Championship.
Seeing RVD just reminded me of a figure I had of him at the time.
Also, during the match, I noticed a woman in the crowd dressed as Chyna.
You don't really see female fans dressing up (and I'm not counting little girls dressing up as Bayley and Sasha Banks).
Anyway, the match ended after Charles Robinson DQ'd Lesnar because Paul Heyman pulled him (Robinson) out of the ring as he was counting to three.
Robinson then attacked Heyman after RVD floored Heyman with a baseball slide.
That continued until Lesnar pulled Robinson off of Heyman and Robinson's landing made me think that he could have injured/broken his arm.
I then thought that I had seen something similar before and I was right.
It's Lesnar doing pretty much the exact same thing to Charles Robinson ten years apart.
Both times Lesnar picked Charles Robinson up by his trouser waist on the outside of the ring.
It's just a shame is was at opposite ends of the outside.
• Big Show vs Booker T in a No DQ, No Countout match and there wasn't really much to talk about here apart from that this match is Eric Bischoff's first sanctioned match in WWE but I already mentioned that previously during Raw.
Also, Booker won via a Huston Hangover which was nice to see.
• Next we had Triple H come out to choose a brand to join.
Bischoff came out and nearly said "WCW Superstar" instead of "WWE Superstar" and then Stephanie came out and Lawler started perving on her.
I have no idea how Lawler could openly perv on someone when he knows that her father is listening.
When you think about it, he was basically telling Vince directly how hot his daughter was and what he would like to do with her.
I also have no idea how Vince could listen and allow hearing a then fifty-two year old man talk about his then twenty-five year old daughter in such a way.
I don't know who is worse, Lawler or Vince.
Anyway, Triple H is just about to go to SmackDown when Shawn Micheals comes out wearing a Vengeance T-shirt like a jobber because the nWo is dead and Micheals is now apparently a face.
Micheals grabs a mic and basically asks Triple H to come to Raw because they'll have fun together and in the most anti-climatic way imaginable, Triple H agrees.
He turns and says "Sorry Steph" laughing and hugs Micheals and that's how we all find out that Triple H has chosen to go to Raw and after Triple H and Micheals leaves, Bischoff laughs and tells Stephanie that he has testicles and then Stephanie slaps him and leaves.
After that, we see Marc Lloyd randomly asking Rikishi (for some reason) what he thinks of Triple H going to Raw because we all care about what Rikishi thinks.
• With our lives now being completed after finding out what Rikishi thinks, we see Booker T, Goldust, Terri and a sneaky appearance from a boom mic.
I just enjoy pointing out boom mics.
• The Tag Team Championships are now being defended and it's Hulk Hogan & Edge vs Lance Storm & Christian who aren't officially known as "The Un-Americans" yet.
During the entrances, Howard Finkel introduced Lance Storm and Christian from their respective hometowns in Canada and Hogan from America but when it came to Edge's introduction, we weren't told where he was from like we usually are (obviously because he's from Canada).
During the match, Lawler ripped into Canada and then spoke about how great America is and complained about America giving handouts to smaller counties and how those countries are never thankful.
Basically, Lalwer back then sounded like Donald Trump now.
In the end, Lance Storm and Christian won the titles after Jericho (wearing a Fozzy T-shirt) hit Edge with the title and Lance Storm pinned him for three.
• It's Main Event time and it's a Triple Threat Match for the Undisputed Championship fetauring Undertaker, Kurt Angle and The Rock.
Before the match, we got a recap music video of everything that's happened during the lead up to this, all to the tune of the PPV theme and it got me thinking that they should do this more these days as it hypes you up but only if the music is right.
The match was your average Triple Threat Match and it was enjoyable but there was a downside and that was Kurt Angle and his bodily fluids.
During the match, Angle really needed a tissue as his upper lip was just thick with snot (and I'm not posting a picture because it's gross).
Seeing that got me thinking that I've always hated that about Angle. Sure, he can't help it but it's just as he wrestles, he sweats like a beast and he gets absolutely soaked in sweat and even though that doesn't bother me, it's that when he gets really soaked in sweat, you just know that his saliva is going to go crazy and during this match, it did, that was the next step. He kept drooling everywhere and he's done it many times before and it does bother me more than the sweat but not much, however when Angle gets to that stage, you just know that his nose is going to run like a river and as I mentioned, it did and that was just awful.
The worst thing was that Angle just didn't seem to care. It was like he didn't even know that his upper lip was flooded with snot. I just got that feeling of really wanting to hand him a tissue.
I also felt really bad for Undertaker and The Rock as they had to wrestle with Angle like that. More-so Undertaker as just has Angle's nose was at its worst, he pinned Undertaker by placing his head on Undertaker's chest and you could just tell that snot was going to be wiped on Undertaker's attire.
It's like Angle has three stages during his matches:
1: Sweat
2: Saliva
3: Snot
You can forget the "Three I's" as we've got the "Three S's" but let's just be thankful we don't have four stages and "Four S's".
Anyway, I didn't mean to write a whole chapter on Angle's snot, so I'll move on and say another downside was the ring itself.
It must have been the world's squeakiest wrestling ring as throughout the event, it just kept squeaking with every movement and it was pretty bad during the Lesnar/RVD match but it was at its worst during the main event as we had four people in the ring constantly moving around.
So yeah, that was Vengeance 2002 but not to end on me complaining about Kurt Angle's nose or sqeaky wrestling rings, here's a gif of The Rock from during the main event (which he won by the way but I'm sure we all knew that).
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