[M-A-G]

[QUOTE=Conspiracy Victim Vito;5430155]

Originally Posted by Conspiracy Victim Vito Tonight's results are sponsored by Brandi Rhodes, Penelope Ford, and Britt Baker's pool party

I mean....I fucking hate you....That's another one-handed session we're looking at here.

AEW Dark: March 30, 2021: -Ricky Starks def. QT Marshall -Scorpio Sky def. jack Evans -Chuck Taylor def. Brian Pillman Jr. -Awesome Kong def. Shanna -The Young Bucks def. Bad Romance

Awesome Kong's continuing murders of bitches is only exacerbating the problem.

AEW Dynamite: March 31, 2021 Segment 1: We open up in a conference room for another town hall featuring the losing Blood and Guts team and their associated stables. Kenny Omega and Don Callis are trying to keep this huge group of baddies on the same page despite Blood and Guts being over and Kenny being the one to surrender. Don Callis tells the group that the record book does not tell the whole story. Kenny Omega, as the reigning AEW World champion and best wrestler in the world, has to protect his interests. He was making a savvy business decision and he'd expect anybody else in the room to do the same thing under those circumstances. As Kenny and Callis continue to talk Omega up, the group slowly but surely start exiting the room, leaving the pair bragging in an empty conference room. And so ends the Legion of Doom. 87% overall

NOOO! Not the end of the Legion of Doom! Callis is such an awesome douche, though.

Segment 2: It's the in ring return of the Galaxy's Greatest Alien Kris Statlander, fresh off of her surprise return on Saturday. She's facing the woman she faced last summer in the match she got injured - Penelope Ford. There's some commotion outside the ring between their seconds, so as to allow Orange Cassidy and Miro to continue their feud...but in-ring it's essentially a showcase for Statlander to get everyone re-acquainted with her. Big Bang Theory gets Kris the win. **1/2, 67% overall

I mean, the Big Bang Theory. That's just such a fucking awesome name. There may be something to this Kris Statlander.

Segment 3: Taz is backstage with Brian Cage. Now that they got out of that bullshit Omega meeting, time for more pressing matters - Darby Allin, we're still not done here. You have unfinished business with The Machine and don't have Sting around to back you up this time. Your time as TNT champion is coming to an end. 74% overall...hmm, Darby and Cage are over, the feud is hot, Taz not at the same level of overness but he can talk unlike Cage or Darby, figured charisma would win out over overness but guess not, strange algorithms

Yeah, every so often the game doesn't seem to care about a person's charisma rating. I've had times where people in their nineties deliver a segment that only gets like 80% or so. Other factors might include their attributes like Superstar Look. Also TNT Champion is a nice little name.

Segment 4: Fresh off of clinching a #1 contendership opportunity at Blood and Guts, Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian were in action against TH2. Mid-match, FTR and Shawn Spears walked out onto the stage and observed while Tully Blanchard stepped on commentary for a few minutes and called bullshit that AEW did a #1 contendership match pulling names out of a hat when his clients weren't eligible since they had another match that night. It's an injustice as everyone knows FTR are the best team in the division. FTR played no part in the actual match though, which, by the way, was fucking awesome. Daniels and Kazarian can still go and Daniels continues to do things a man his age shouldn't be able to. Angel's Wings on Jack Evans ends it. ****1/4, 86% overall

It's weird because I don't think the games in the beginning gave high stats to Kazarian. Maybe I'm thinking of someone else. Regardless, screw it. Use them for them snowflakes!

Segment 5: We're backstage for an interview with Cody Rhodes, still sporting a bandaged forehead having needed to get stitched up after getting busted wide open at Blood and Guts. If the injuries were a price to pay to honor the legacy of dad by being in the match he built, so be it. It was one of the proudest moments of his car......WHACK! Eddie Kingston has jumped Cody! Clubs his with rights and lefts and throws him face first into one of the big metal cargo boxes backstage. Officials and the Natural Nightmares hit the room to back Kingston away while the cameras pan to Cody whose stitch job has been busted back open. 92% overall

FIRST BLOOD MATCH!!!

Segment 6: Adam Page, sporting a brand new Dark Order-themed t-shirt now available at ShopAEW.com, is in action against one of Matt Hardy's cohorts in the Hardy Party, Marq Quen. Matt Hardy on commentary gets grilled by the announcers for welching on his bet, and Hardy gets defensive. Solid athletic contest from the two in the ring but there was only one outcome here - Hangman wins with the Buckshot Lariat that Quen does a full flip sell on for good measure. He gets the win. Hardy and Isisah Kassidy jump into the ring and corner Hangman but The Dark Order run out for the save again. ***, 76% overall

BAH GAWD! ADAM PAGE PULLED A MICK FOLEY WITH A CHEAP PLUG!!! DOES HE HAVE NO SHAME? DOES HE HAVE NO DECENCY??!?

Segment 7: Hangman gets some celebratory beers and also a microphone. "Matt, you know what you did on Saturday. A contract is only as good as the people signing it, so since you signed it, no wonder it was full of shit." Matt gets defensive again, citing the fine print in the contract and calling Hangman's claims outrageous, egregious, and preposterous. Now that Hangman's offended him, it's time to make Dark Order pay. He challenges Hangman to pick one of his Dark Order dorks to face him next week. 87% overall

Good ol' fashioned stable wars. I love it.

Segment 8: It's *gasp* the second women's match of the evening! Dr. Britt Baker faces off against Riho. Announcers mention that neither Awesome Kong nor Hikaru Shida are here tonight after their brutal Kendo Stick match on Saturday, and that this match could go a long way toward determining who will be stepping up to Kong next. Baker and Riho have themselves a solid little match that sees Reba pull a turnbuckle off the middle rope which Baker uses to slingshot Riho into and then get a cheap rollup victory. ***, 74% overall

I mean, is the chance of being the next bitch Kong murders really worth fighting over?

Segment 9: Our final match of the evening. Despite being in a war just days ago, PAC and Jon Moxley refused a night off and insisted on being booked for action tonight, and they were paired off against Eddie Kingston's right hand men The Butcher and The Blade. The overness discrepancy between the teams meant it was a pretty short write up, but Mox and PAC are so over it didn't destroy the segment rating. I imagine this was a fairly brisk, chaotic brawl ending with Mox pinning Blade following the Paradigm Shift. ***1/4, 81% overall Segment 10: Mox and PAC each grab mics after the match. Both of them want Kenny Omega. Mox still never received a rematch for the AEW World Title, and PAC not only got screwed in his opportunity but he made Omega surrender like a bitch on Saturday, so he deserves another go at it to. If Kenny doesn't agree to give them the shots they deserve, he'll need to watch his back. But perhaps Mox and PAC should've been watching their own backs as they were jumped by Kenny and "The Machine Gun" Karl Anderson. We haven't seen Karl since losing to Moxley in a tag team tables match at Revolution. The heels take advantage of the faces having lingering injuries Saturday and coming off of a physical match tonight, and the faces are left down and out. 86% overall

You busting out a fatal four-way, too?

Segment 11: "Judas" by Fozzy hits and out come the Inner Circle for what was promoted as their farewell address. Jericho explains his reasoning for disbanding the group. The Inner Circle was founded on the very first episode and for much of AEW's history they've been the most dominating faction in the company. But things have slid over the past months. He saw the infighting and the dissension in the ranks. He saw the results not coming up the way they wanted to. He threatened to break the group up two months ago, but relented and hoped he could find a way to make it work. When he made the ultimatum that it was more gold for the Inner Circle or bust, that was the final test he needed to see if the group could still thrive. He's got a lot to say to everyone in this ring. To the original members of the group - Sammy, I picked you because you reminded me of me in my mid 20s, and I can see how bright your future will be. Jake, you and I have been down the road in other places before, I know you've dabbled with MMA but I brought you hear because I knew there was so much more you could give to the wrestling business. Santana and Ortiz, I think you're going to end up being the best team in this company, and I feel like shit that I let my own ego get in the way of giving you the tag title shot you deserved. He then turns to MJF and his bodyguard Wardlow. "Max, this group all went to hell on November 7, 2020...the day I let you join the Inner Circle. We were doing fine with just the five of us, I should have my head examined for ever considering letting someone else in. Don't get me wrong, you're a hell of a talent, and I mean no disrespect - but you're an asshole. You were an asshole when you joined, a bigger asshole since you've been here, and you'll probably become an even bigger asshole in the future. And you know what? I like that about you. Sometimes you have to rub people the wrong way to get in this business. But there's no way we can continue this group without you. Look guys, I'm getting kinda schmaltzy on you all, but the point is this - we're all incredible talents. Staying together will just hold us back. I think I need to hit the road for a while and do some self-reflection, but I want you guys to start next week as a clean slate, and I know you'll make me proud. I've got some bubbly in the back for us to enjoy our last night together, but let's flip off the camera one last time for old time's sake." The group all hug it out after the finger as Judas plays again. Santana and Ortiz are the first to exit the ring and start heading up the ramp. Then Jake Hager, then Sammy Guevara. Jericho waves to the crowd from the turnbuckle, hops down, turns around, WARDLOW LEVELS HIM WITH A LARIAT! MJF then walks over the Jericho and locks him in the Salt of the Earth. The other four rush back down to the ring and back off Wardlow/MJF. It's a 4 on 2 staredown, until all of a sudden, all 6 of them start stomping a mudhole into Jericho! What in the world! Jericho eats a bunch of finishers and is left dead in the ring with the other 6 men giving him the middle finger as we go off the air. 97% overall 83% show rating

LOL @ the swerve. Is this a face turn for Jericho, though?