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Old 06-11-2017, 01:29 AM   #1
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Noid got bored and booked WrestleMania 34

I need to think of a word to describe this. It's somewhere between fantasy booking and predicting. I don't think it will all happen exactly like this, obviously -- so many things change -- but it's not exactly what I would do either. It's like producing my ideal WrestleMania card, within hypothetical and assumed parameters. So there's no ending the brand split, for example, even though I loathe it.

Anyway, the card:

Triple Threat Match for the Universal Championship
Roman Reigns (c) vs. Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose

WWE Championship
John Cena (c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Control of RAW
Triple H vs. Kurt Angle

Brock Lesnar vs. Samoa Joe

United States Championship
Randy Orton (c) vs. AJ Styles

Lumberjack Match: Champion vs. Champion
Charlotte Flair (c) vs. Alexa Bliss (c)

Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Kevin Owens vs. Shane McMahon

Intercontinental Championship
Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Finn Balor

The Miz vs. Bray Wyatt

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Featuring Braun Strowman, Matt Hardy, Baron Corbin, Big Show, Sheamus, Cesaro, Jinder Mahal, Rusev, The New Day, The Usos, Dolph Ziggler, Kalisto, Mojo Rawley

Cruiserweight Championship
Neville (c) vs. Johnny Gargano

Kickoff Match for the Fatal 4-Way Match for the SmackDown Tag Team Championship
Jinder Mahal & Rusev (c) vs. The New Day vs. The Usos vs. American Alpha

Kickoff Match for the RAW Tag Team Championship
The Revival (c) vs. Enzo Amore & Big Cass

The explanations:

* I know that a lot of people are expecting the break-up of Enzo & Cass, but I honestly think the WWE will keep them together -- they are just stronger together. They hold off on any big moment for them until WrestleMania, however, where they finally capture the RAW Tag Team Championship.
* The New Day win the SmackDown Tag Team Championship from The Usos, Jinder & Rusev win it from The New Day. Your classic clusterfuck for the belts. This happens on the pre-show, because some of these guys can do double-duty in the Battle Royal for their main card slot later. American Alpha walk out with the SmackDown Tag Team Championship after pinning one of The Usos with the Grand Amplitude. They don't participate in the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal, because they are taken out in a backstage interview segment by the former RAW Tag Team Champions, The Revival.

* Neville remains Cruiserweight Champion until WrestleMania, save for a brief period where Kalisto dethrones him that everybody forgets about until now and then. Johnny Gargano -- one of the best babyfaces in wrestling -- is 205 Live's greatest hope in dethroning The King of the Cruiserweights. He succeeds when he pins Neville with a Shining Wizard-style running knee.

* The Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal decides its fifth winner. All previous winners are competing for the crown this year. Matt Hardy is also "The Tortured Artist" adding some "star power" to thing. They do some comedy spots like a 3MB reunion. All the previous winners are tossed out by Braun Strowman. The final four are Braun Strowman, Jinder Mahal, Matt Hardy and Big E. Hardy tosses Jinder Mahal, but gets tossed by Strowman, to hopefully some good heat. Strowman goes after Big E, but Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods are back in and jump off the top, each being swatted out of the way by Strowman, he proceeds to toss out Kofi and Woods again, but he turns into the straps coming down on Big E, who body slams Strowman, following up with clotheslines, with a final one sending him over.

* The Miz has become the target of Bray Wyatt, who claims that he is everything wrong with Hollywood and American culture. Bray is quasi-face for this role, although I do expect that many fans will cheer The Miz. This is mainly to get both guys on the main card and not have them blend into the Battle Royal. Bray Wyatt gets the win here, finally cracking his WrestleMania losing streak.

* Jeff Hardy wins the Intercontinental Championship from The Miz. Finn Balor wants a title shot after failing to capture the Universal Title. Hardy is not one to back away from the challenge. There would no doubt be rumors of a heel turn from Balor here. I think that comes later, after Balor has already secured the IC Title. Balor wins here and the two shake hands after the match. This would be the first time we see The Demon since Hell in a Cell against Samoa Joe.

* Kevin Owens wins the Money in the Bank Ladder Match. He loses the US Title to AJ Styles after the Japanese tour. He goes on to have conflict with Shane McMahon. Either guy culd make it physical. Owens can perhaps even get cocky and make the suggestion that he puts his briefcase on the line against Shane. Owens retains the briefcase here, but there is a gasp everytime Shane touches it, because would you really be surprised?

* Besides the Battle Royal, the Women's Champion vs. Women's Champion is the only interpromotional match on the show. Charlotte is clearly the star on SmackDown and Alexa is clearly the star on RAW -- at WrestleMania we find out who is better, with all the other women surrounding the ring to ensure that no one takes a dive to avoid being pinned or submitting. Alexa looks to cheat, but Becky nails Bliss with her Money in the Bank briefcase, knocking her out in the ring. Charlotte pins Bliss and the SmackDown girls stand tall. Becky holds up Charlotte's hand, the other girls leave, and Becky locks in the Dis-Arm-Her on Charlotte and screams "I'm cashing in!" The referee wins the bell and Charlotte taps out, making Becky the new SmackDown Women's Champion.

* AJ Styles wins the US Title from Kevin Owens. At some point, Styles and Orton have a match for the belt, and Orton wins after catching Styles on a Phenomenal Forearm attempt with an RKO. The two have a rematch at WrestleMania, where AJ Styles manages to hit the Phenomenal Forearm and pin Orton to capture his second US Championship.

* Samoa Joe beats Brock Lesnar to win the Universal Title. Joe wins the belt, then defends it against Balor at three straight PPVs, and Brock actually puts over Strowman at SummerSlam and takes some time off to reconsider where he wants to be with wrestling. Brock enters the Royal Rumble with the intent to win and earn retribution against Samoa Joe. Brock looks like a beast early in the match, but instead of his next scheduled entrant, Joe actually makes his entrance and brawls with Brock, tossing him over the top rope in the process, continuing to brawl until they do a pull-apart. Joe defends the Universal Title against Roman Reigns at Fastlane and Reigns wins the belt after Brock hits the ring, F5s Joe, allowing Reigns to hit the Spear to win his first Universal Title. Joe vs. Brock II at WrestleMania. Joe wins when he chokes Brock out again.

* Got no clue where this Kurt Angle stuff is going on RAW, but most seem to think that it is supposed to lead to Stephanie McMahon making her return. What if this were the one "Attitude era" angle they put forward for WrestleMania, though? What could "ruin" Kurt Angle? He had an affair with Stephanie, of course, way back in 2000 (the angle they blew that marked the downward trend of the Attitude era). Triple H is, of course, pissed off. Stephanie McMahon is embarrassed. Cue Vince McMahon deciding that these two need to fight it out at WrestleMania in order to give Kurt time to prepare. This is where they no doubt do the Stephanie bump again -- although I have no clue how they get there. I imagine Kurt gets some back-up from a woman who helps him out -- Trish Stratus? Anyway, Triple H gets the win, because there is no way he is relinquishing control of the WWE, and it's the Sting thing again -- Triple H only loses to up-and-comers that are going to benefit the future of the business now. An ironic twist to the HHHegemony.

* John Cena wins the WWE Title on the July 4th SmackDown from Jinder Mahal. He retains the title through to the Japan special, where he beats someone (anyone) and then out comes Nakamura -- who beats AJ Styles earlier in the night (obviously before Styles has won the US Title, although I would be fine with a quick switch to Nakamura and a quick switch back -- meaning Styles wins his third US Title at Mania). Nakamura enters the Royal Rumble, and wins the entire thing, last eliminating Roman Reigns. Nakamura punches his ticket to WrestleMania, where The King of Strong Style challenges the 17-time WWE Champion. Hopefully the crowd is electric for this match, and the title change, after Nakamura hits one Kinshasa to become the new champ.

* Reigns wins the Universal Title at Fastlane after earning his shot by being the runner-up in the Royal Rumble. Reigns is cutting a promo on RAW. Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins all stand in the ring as the crowd do the "YES!" chant. The two smaller Shield members then work together to beat down Roman Reigns and we are off to the races. Triple H, now having full control of RAW, walks down as all three men are down during the course of the match. He nails Roman Reigns in the gut with a sledgehammer shot. Roman is down. Ambrose and Rollins look on confused. Triple H takes out two pairs of handcuffs and cuffs Reigns to the post with one. Ambrose freaks outand thinks that Rollins has rejoined The Authority. Ambrose goes nuts and takes out Rollins and then dives onto Triple H. Ambrose gets the second pair of cuffs and latches Rollins to the ropes. He grabs the sledgehammer. Rollins is trying to reason with Dean and explain that it wasn't him. Ambrose nails Rollins with the sledgehammer in the ribs several times, and then delivers one to the face of Rollins. He tosses the sledehammer to the side and then goes crazy on Rollins, who is now busted open Suddenly, Reigns appears from behind Ambrose -- he stops selling the gut, and removes a metal plate from his body armor that blocked the shot from Triple H. Ambrose turns around and realizes he's been had. Reigns nails Ambrose with it. Ambrose is now busted open, and pulls himself up on Rollins, realizing the mistake her has made, and turns around into a Spear. Rollins is hung up, bleeding after the sledgehammer shots from Ambrose -- as an almost Christlike figure, and Ambrose is lying broken on the canvas. Reigns holds up the Universal Title, he arms raised by Triple H -- The Chosen One is still the Universal Champion.
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