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**Evil Vito** · 03-10-2021, 12:12 AM

Tonight's results are sponsored by Allie:

AEW Dark: April 13, 2021:
-Luchasaurus def. Billy
-FTR def. Matt Sydal and Brian Pillman Jr.
-Kris Statlander def. Leva Bates
-Orange Cassidy def. Serpentico
-MJF def. Dustin Rhodes

AEW Dynamite: April 14, 2021

Segment 1:

10-man tag pandemonium to kick us off as the Inner Circle (Sammy Guevara, Jake Hager, Wardlow, Santana and Ortiz) take on a face team of Jurassic Express and Bad Romance. It's not a squash as the face team aren't exactly slouches, but the focus of the match is to show the Inner Circle being a cohesive unit and putting together a nice win in the process. Marko Stunt takes a Street Sweeper and sells it like hell in the loss. ***, 74% overall

Segment 2:

MJF gets on the mic and talks up the Inner Circle's big win. He then moves to address they're actions from last week. Sting, I know you're probably watching me from your retirement home, but you're exactly who we were talking about when we pledged to rid AEW of its has-beens. We were actually going to do the noble thing and challenge you to a match at Crossroads, but when we saw your geriatric ass up close and personal we decided to just take you out of your misery then and there. Trust us, we did you a big favor.

The lights go out, thunder claps, the lights flash and the lights pan up to reveal Sting in the rafters, bat in hand. He points it at the Inner Circle and they're irate that Sting is still standing. 86% overall

Segment 3:

Former women's champion Hikaru Shida is back in action against Allie who is making a rare in-ring appearance. She's actually a fairly decent wrestler, in real-life she's almost exclusively a manager at this point and I can only surmise she either picked up an injury somewhere or it's a personal choice. But be that as it may, Shida's trying to get herself back into winning ways.

Dr. Britt Baker joins commentary and accuses Shida of trying to jump the line, she lost the title, she needs to go to the back. Eventually she tries to run interference and it backfires, Shida gets the win. Britt runs in and clocks Shida only for Awesome Kong to emerge from the back. The heels run off, Kong is a heel herself but ran in to save Shida because she detests Britt just as much. ***, 78% overall

Segment 4:

Intergender (and interspecies?) trios match with Miro, Kip Sabian, and Penelope Ford facing Orange Cassidy, Chuck Taylor, and "The Galaxy's Greatest Alien" Kris Statlander. During this match it gets announced that Miro vs. Orange Cassidy in a steel cage match was signed for Crossroads, to settle their differences one on one once and for all.

Orange is a chill guy. Miro, not so much. He had no chill whatsoever in this match. The men were brawling on the outside, Kris was setting up Penelope for her finisher in the ring, Miro find an opening and Sambo kicks Kris right in the jaw to enormous heat drawing huge reprimand from JR on commentary. Penelope covers and heels get the win. **3/4, 73% overall

Segment 5:

Kenny Omega is backstage with Karl Anderson and Don Callis. Callis rags about Tony Khan being a terrible boss with no clue on how to run a business, because he's booked the World champion and best wrestler in the world in an unfair triple threat title defense against Moxley and PAC at Crossroads.

You think this is gonna be just a talking segment? Think again. Moxley and PAC both enter from other sides of the room and start taking it to Omega and Anderson. Furniture is thrown and amidst the fracas Callis manages to pull Kenny out and they both take off, leaving poor Karl to take most of the beating. Mox and PAC eventually have a tense staredown as their recent alliance is going to have to come to an end at Crossroads. 88% overall and Karl Anderson once again gains overness from being in a segment as 3 of the most over workers on the roster

Segment 6:

Singles action between Frankie Kazarian and Dax Harwood of FTR. A nice little old school bout between the two veterans with a good mix of brawling and technical. Cash eventually blindsides Daniels on the outside, which throws Kazarian off his game and leaves him prey to a cheap rollup with a tight hook from Dax for the win.

Daniels eventually recovers and hops in to run off FTR. Tully Blanchard says FTR are the best tag team in the world and if you can't even beat them separately, how can you beat them together? If SCU had any stones, they'd put their #1 contendership on the line next week. SCU nod and the match is set for next week. Yeah I just combined a challenge segment into this in my brain because I only had 11 to work with. ***1/4, 81% overall

Segment 7:

Young Bucks promo. They're asked if they have a preference over who they'll face at Crossroads and like every promo ever, they confirm that no, they'll be ready no matter who it is. Just a promo really, had to toss the Bucks on here because main event level guys lose morale if I don't use them within 3 shows and they don't often work Dark. Miiiiight need to go back to using my hack of turning the main event guys into managers so they won't get as fussy about working constantly. 89% overall

Segment 8:

Tag match up next with Hangman Page teaming with Colt Cabana against Private Party, accompanied by Big Money Matt Hardy. Quite a good match, Private Party still aren't quite over enough to generate big overall ratings but it was a 90% quality bout so let the snowflakes keep on coming. Hangman is on the apron, setting up for the Buckshot Lariat but Matt eventually pulls him off the apron and starts wailing on him, forcing a DQ.

As is normally the case in the numbers game now, the Hardy Party have to flee when Dark Order show up but Page isn't satisfied with that. He takes a mic "Matt, I'm sick of us having to dance this dance every week. You and I have to settle this once and for all. Double or Nothing isn't until next month, but I can't wait until then. Crossroads, you and me, double or nothing for our first 6 months of earnings. Whatever fine print bullshit you want to put in the contract, it doesn't matter anymore, it's worth the money just to kick your ass all around the bulding." ***1/2, 81% overall

Segment 9:

AEW obtained some disturbing footage of Darby Allin being jumped by Team Taz outside of his home in Seattle earlier this week, apparently they've now resorted to attacking him far away from the arena to avoid anyone else from coming to help him. Taz tells Darby the beatings won't stop until he gives Brian Cage the TNT Title shot he deserves.

Segment 10:

Our main event of the evening sees Cody Rhodes and Eddie Kingston blow off their feud in a First Blood match. Cody's bled plenty the past couple of weeks, and the psychology of the match is that his freshly healed stitched up forehead is a prime target. Eddie gets some brass knuckles, loads up and looks ready to deliver the final blow....spinning backfirst but WAIT! He didn't see Cody had a pipe in his hand. Cody blocks the backfist with the pipe, Eddie screams in pain after hitting a lead pipe with the brass knucks, Cody then hits a clean pipe shot to the help and Kingston is busted wide the fuck open! ***1/4, 88% overall

Segment 11:

Cody celebrates his win and starts heading up the ramp as Kingston slowly comes to in the ring. Cody has a microphone "Eddie, you're a tough bastard, and have given me all I could handle these past couple of months.

You may have been busted open tonight, but TRUST ME, it's about to get a lot worse for you. But the pain won't last forever...because everybody dies.

Well worth clicking that link, that theme fucking rules so hard. It's "The Murderhawk Monster" Lance Archer with his manager Jake "The Snake" Roberts! Eddie Kingston and his Family put them on the shelf months ago, and now it's time to pay. Archer hits the ring and plants the bloody Kingston with a boot as Dynamite goes off the air. 81% overall rating

81% show rating

---

Notes:

-Matt Jackson wants to work with Matt Hardy.

-PAC requests to work with Kenny Omega. Are you even paying attention to the show you're on???

-I kill ROH again, don't see that changing anytime soon.

-Crossroads is 10 days away. Well that crept up fast, if it sounds like I'm throwing the card together haphazardly it's because I kinda am. I'm so not used to trying to book a big monthly show after two years of watching AEW with their 4 PPVs a year.

03-10-2021, 12:12 AM	#2963
Evil Vito President of Freedonia Posts: 58,197	Tonight's results are sponsored by Allie: AEW Dark: April 13, 2021: -Luchasaurus def. Billy -FTR def. Matt Sydal and Brian Pillman Jr. -Kris Statlander def. Leva Bates -Orange Cassidy def. Serpentico -MJF def. Dustin Rhodes AEW Dynamite: April 14, 2021 Segment 1: 10-man tag pandemonium to kick us off as the Inner Circle (Sammy Guevara, Jake Hager, Wardlow, Santana and Ortiz) take on a face team of Jurassic Express and Bad Romance. It's not a squash as the face team aren't exactly slouches, but the focus of the match is to show the Inner Circle being a cohesive unit and putting together a nice win in the process. Marko Stunt takes a Street Sweeper and sells it like hell in the loss. *, 74% overall Segment 2: MJF gets on the mic and talks up the Inner Circle's big win. He then moves to address they're actions from last week. Sting, I know you're probably watching me from your retirement home, but you're exactly who we were talking about when we pledged to rid AEW of its has-beens. We were actually going to do the noble thing and challenge you to a match at Crossroads, but when we saw your geriatric ass up close and personal we decided to just take you out of your misery then and there. Trust us, we did you a big favor. The lights go out, thunder claps, the lights flash and the lights pan up to reveal Sting in the rafters, bat in hand. He points it at the Inner Circle and they're irate that Sting is still standing. 86% overall Segment 3: Former women's champion Hikaru Shida is back in action against Allie who is making a rare in-ring appearance. She's actually a fairly decent wrestler, in real-life she's almost exclusively a manager at this point and I can only surmise she either picked up an injury somewhere or it's a personal choice. But be that as it may, Shida's trying to get herself back into winning ways. Dr. Britt Baker joins commentary and accuses Shida of trying to jump the line, she lost the title, she needs to go to the back. Eventually she tries to run interference and it backfires, Shida gets the win. Britt runs in and clocks Shida only for Awesome Kong to emerge from the back. The heels run off, Kong is a heel herself but ran in to save Shida because she detests Britt just as much. , 78% overall Segment 4: Intergender (and interspecies?) trios match with Miro, Kip Sabian, and Penelope Ford facing Orange Cassidy, Chuck Taylor, and "The Galaxy's Greatest Alien" Kris Statlander. During this match it gets announced that Miro vs. Orange Cassidy in a steel cage match was signed for Crossroads, to settle their differences one on one once and for all. Orange is a chill guy. Miro, not so much. He had no chill whatsoever in this match. The men were brawling on the outside, Kris was setting up Penelope for her finisher in the ring, Miro find an opening and Sambo kicks Kris right in the jaw to enormous heat drawing huge reprimand from JR on commentary. Penelope covers and heels get the win. 3/4, 73% overall Segment 5: Kenny Omega is backstage with Karl Anderson and Don Callis. Callis rags about Tony Khan being a terrible boss with no clue on how to run a business, because he's booked the World champion and best wrestler in the world in an unfair triple threat title defense against Moxley and PAC at Crossroads. You think this is gonna be just a talking segment? Think again. Moxley and PAC both enter from other sides of the room and start taking it to Omega and Anderson. Furniture is thrown and amidst the fracas Callis manages to pull Kenny out and they both take off, leaving poor Karl to take most of the beating. Mox and PAC eventually have a tense staredown as their recent alliance is going to have to come to an end at Crossroads. 88% overall and Karl Anderson once again gains overness from being in a segment as 3 of the most over workers on the roster* Segment 6: Singles action between Frankie Kazarian and Dax Harwood of FTR. A nice little old school bout between the two veterans with a good mix of brawling and technical. Cash eventually blindsides Daniels on the outside, which throws Kazarian off his game and leaves him prey to a cheap rollup with a tight hook from Dax for the win. Daniels eventually recovers and hops in to run off FTR. Tully Blanchard says FTR are the best tag team in the world and if you can't even beat them separately, how can you beat them together? If SCU had any stones, they'd put their #1 contendership on the line next week. SCU nod and the match is set for next week. Yeah I just combined a challenge segment into this in my brain because I only had 11 to work with. *1/4, 81% overall Segment 7: Young Bucks promo. They're asked if they have a preference over who they'll face at Crossroads and like every promo ever, they confirm that no, they'll be ready no matter who it is. Just a promo really, had to toss the Bucks on here because main event level guys lose morale if I don't use them within 3 shows and they don't often work Dark. Miiiiight need to go back to using my hack of turning the main event guys into managers so they won't get as fussy about working constantly. 89% overall Segment 8: Tag match up next with Hangman Page teaming with Colt Cabana against Private Party, accompanied by Big Money Matt Hardy. Quite a good match, Private Party still aren't quite over enough to generate big overall ratings but it was a 90% quality bout so let the snowflakes keep on coming. Hangman is on the apron, setting up for the Buckshot Lariat but Matt eventually pulls him off the apron and starts wailing on him, forcing a DQ. As is normally the case in the numbers game now, the Hardy Party have to flee when Dark Order show up but Page isn't satisfied with that. He takes a mic "Matt, I'm sick of us having to dance this dance every week. You and I have to settle this once and for all. Double or Nothing isn't until next month, but I can't wait until then. Crossroads, you and me, double or nothing for our first 6 months of earnings. Whatever fine print bullshit you want to put in the contract, it doesn't matter anymore, it's worth the money just to kick your ass all around the bulding." 1/2, 81% overall Segment 9: AEW obtained some disturbing footage of Darby Allin being jumped by Team Taz outside of his home in Seattle earlier this week, apparently they've now resorted to attacking him far away from the arena to avoid anyone else from coming to help him. Taz tells Darby the beatings won't stop until he gives Brian Cage the TNT Title shot he deserves. Segment 10: Our main event of the evening sees Cody Rhodes and Eddie Kingston blow off their feud in a First Blood match. Cody's bled plenty the past couple of weeks, and the psychology of the match is that his freshly healed stitched up forehead is a prime target. Eddie gets some brass knuckles, loads up and looks ready to deliver the final blow....spinning backfirst but WAIT! He didn't see Cody had a pipe in his hand. Cody blocks the backfist with the pipe, Eddie screams in pain after hitting a lead pipe with the brass knucks, Cody then hits a clean pipe shot to the help and Kingston is busted wide the fuck open! 1/4, 88% overall Segment 11: Cody celebrates his win and starts heading up the ramp as Kingston slowly comes to in the ring. Cody has a microphone "Eddie, you're a tough bastard, and have given me all I could handle these past couple of months. You may have been busted open tonight, but TRUST ME, it's about to get a lot worse for you. But the pain won't last forever...because everybody dies. Well worth clicking that link, that theme fucking rules so hard. It's "The Murderhawk Monster" Lance Archer with his manager Jake "The Snake" Roberts! Eddie Kingston and his Family put them on the shelf months ago, and now it's time to pay. Archer hits the ring and plants the bloody Kingston with a boot as Dynamite goes off the air. 81% overall rating 81% show rating** --- Notes: -Matt Jackson wants to work with Matt Hardy. -PAC requests to work with Kenny Omega. Are you even paying attention to the show you're on??? -I kill ROH again, don't see that changing anytime soon. -Crossroads is 10 days away. Well that crept up fast, if it sounds like I'm throwing the card together haphazardly it's because I kinda am. I'm so not used to trying to book a big monthly show after two years of watching AEW with their 4 PPVs a year.