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SmackDown!: July 6, 2040
What's this? Two wrestling shows occurring around Independence Day and no jingoistic bullshit taking up airtime? MADNESS, I SAY!!!
Opening Match: King of the Ring First Round - King Kavovit vs. Michael Haywood
The first round of the King of the Ring Tournament concludes tonight with the final four matches taking place all on the same show. This serves a duel purpose in that we're continuing the Royal Effect/Play Pals feud. This makes for quite an opener and it comes down to Haywood locking in the Rage Quit but the 15-time limit expires and thus we have a draw and neither man advances. Haywood won't let go but Moses McKay makes it a point to come down and pull him off his partner hits the Mass Effect. *****, 98% overall.
Second Match: Conner Buchanan vs. Steve Hayes
Paul Andrews still makes the case that Buchanan should have a go at Brandon Reigns if Reigns wants to act like the cock of the walk. This is designed to make Buchanan look good and it ends with him getting a decisive victory after hitting the Borderline. Buchanan makes it a point to declare that he doesn't want Reigns, he wants the Intercontinental Title, too. ****1/2, 92% overall.
Backstage, the WWE Women's Champion Naomi Bailey is offended over the idea of Tania daring to ask for a title match against her. She may be open to a fight considering Sonya Braddock is taking her sweet time recovering from Night Of Champions but she's not just going to hand out title matches to whoever just says 'pretty please?' Tania is delusional but Naomi is willing to let her wash her royal garments.
Elsewhere backstage, Rick Hilton and Vivian Merrick are having a lover's quarrel. Hilton wants to know to what he has to do to get out of the doghouse. Vivian is just being difficult at this point not forgiving Hilton. After all, Hilton was nice enough to forgive Vivian for distracting him and Julian last night and for being the one who lost the fall against Sonya Braddock. Vivian fires back that she didn't ask him and Julian to be out there last night. Rick wants to know why she was even watching the Wyldhearts. Vivian answers that maybe their girls get better treatment and walks off.
Third Match: King of the Ring First Round - Justin Mitchell vs. Haven
Haven is not fucking around tonight. He lets everyone know that the part of Butch Fleming will be played by Justin Mitchell right now. Mitchell and his manager, Brooke, try everything they can think of to stop the momentum of Haven but the stars are not aligned in their favor. Haven tosses Brooke to Mitchell then boots him in the face when she gets caught and hits the Sting of Solace to score the win and advance to the second round. ****1/2, 90% overall.
Fourth Match: Hugo vs. Daniel St. Croix
I'm finally at the point where I can do this match proper and continue Hugo's destructive path. St. Croix tries his best to stand up for his former partner but Hugo is just too much and hits the Moonsault Crush for the pin. ****1/2, 89% overall.
It's time for another edition of The Hot Ticket with everyone's favorite host, the WWE Cruiserweight Champion, The Undefeated Steel Cage Master Former Cruiserweight Champion-Elect Michael Hotbody! He's got the press pool out here and he's ready to take some questions. First things first, Zed Jones is not here as he preparing to completely dominate the King of the Ring Tournament but he wants to pass along a message from him which is written down here: "Michael Hotbody is truly the greatest friend a man or woman could ask for. Selfless, supportive, and caring don't even begin to describe the full measure of the man who is the best Cruiserweight Champion this company has seen in years!" OK, now, let's get to the questions!
"Mr. Hotbody, how are you preparing for your inevitable encounter with Martyn LaSalle and how badly are you going to beat him in your title match against him?"
"Well you prepare in the manner you'd expect to prepare for someone like LaSalle. I'm expecting a lot of frowny faces from him and virtually no smiling. Some people may say that's him being focused but the truth is he goes into a zone where he has flashbacks to being picked last in gym class and being voted Most Likely To Need Therapy Before Graduation. His defeat at my hands is going to send him back to that therapy! Next question!"
"You mentioned on Superstars that you'd be looking into getting Martyn LaSalle a friend. Have you started this process and if so where are you looking for this friend?"
"I plan on starting this process soon and I'm open to lots of places. A world this vast and diverse has to have at least one person willing to put up with Martyn LaSalle. None of these people have any faith in him so I can't really look here but that's not going to deter me! Next question!"
"Yes, is it true that you've discovered that LaSalle's own parents didn't even want him?"
"Well, look, that's a sensitive issue and I don't really want to harp on it too much. I'm not going to go as far as saying he wasn't loved but I have heard that there were a few instances where LaSalle's dad wanted to shoot himself over not pulling out! Hey, who can blame him? I may be looking to try to help him make a connection but I sure as well would be disappointed if Martyn was my son and I'd have kicked the cow that birthed him straight to the curb!"
Those last few statements are enough to bring LaSalle himself out from the back and running down to the ring to try and get him some of the champion. Hotbody quickly declares "NO MORE QUESTIONS!" and runs into the crowd with LaSalle on his tail.
Fifth Match: King of the Ring First Round - Stone Walsh vs. Clubber Harris
I think I might have something for Harris after all here. I really don't want to just discard him. In fact, I'll send him to round two of this tournament! Harris gets the clean pin after hitting the Club Pain. *****, 94% overall.
Sixth Match: WWE Unified Tag Team Champions The Future Foundation and The Millennium Rebels vs. The Wyldhearts and The British Infection
Fun, fun, fun all around. Vivian Merrick is in her guys' corner but looks like she'd rather be getting dental surgery. Things break down as Robbie Greer and Rick Hilton tumble hard to the outside right in front of Vivian. She shows concern and kneels down but Rick pulls away accusing her of checking out Robbie, too. The argument is enough to distract Nate Exley, the legal man, and that allows Julian Merrick to get a handful of tights roll up for the win. ****1/2, 91% overall.
In-Ring Super Special Talky Time with Nathan Quinn as he demands that the production crew put up the photos he and Leah took of Jenna Kyle on the big screen for everyone to enjoy. He demands that everyone bask in Jenna's image! That's what they've been wanting to do, isn't it? Soak it all up because there's plenty more where that came from! There will be plenty more humiliation! Plenty more violence! And more importantly, plenty more Leah! Leah is the kind of person the women's division needs, not some overpaid MMA celebrity or a cover girl or some street hoodlum who happens to be friends with that cover girl! Yeah, Faith is who he's talking about and he knows that she's been fuming over people wanting to move in on her territory. Well, she's more than welcome to come and do something about it if she can!
Needless to say, Faith Connors comes out to the stage and looks to make her way down to confront Nathan BUT WAIT! A photographer just nails Faith from behind with their camera. It's Hannah McCormick in disguise! She chokes out Faith with the camera strap and drags her up to the stage and proceeds to slam her repeatedly into the set. Once she's had her fun she takes her leave but Nathan decides to take the camera and use it for more photos as he shoots Faith's beaten body.
MAIN EVENT: King of the Ring First Round - Ryan Pattillo vs. Moses McKay
And with this we close out the first round of the tournament. The second round starts on Raw. Pattillo is the last member of the Hunters in the tournament and McKay tries his damndest to make what he predicted on Superstars come to pass. The ref is bumped and McKay looks to cheat his way to a win with a chair but Gavin Jones hops up on the apron to object to this. McKay takes a swing at him but misses and Jones drops McKay throat-first on the top rope allowing Pattillo to hit the Shutdown for the pin and is the final competitor to advance to the second round. McKay takes his leave, furious. *****, 95% overall.
Overall show rating: 91%
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