- Clyde:
23 - Moronic, almost inbred and creepy white trash hillbilly. Very naïve but in a creepy 'it's only incest sort of way'
- Brother Adam:
Welsh monk / cult leader / yoga teacher - 50, very lithe, very into exploring your personal tension through gripping massage. Needs Welsh accent.
- Rich Roberts:
English hardman actor, 35, who acts tough but who wants to do serious work - the only problem is he can't quite read the words.
Those 3 at least better be real. Rich Roberts needs to be an ex football player too.