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Rock of Ages:
Terrible movie, horrible acting, terrible singing for the most part, horrid plot. Mary J. Blige is a good singer, but she sings hair metal as well as Jani Lane could sing '90s RnB: not at all.
That said, I was laughing my ass off during the whole thing. Tom Cruise seemed to know this movie was going to be a piece of shit, so he hammed it up, fusing Blackie Lawless, Axl Rose, and Bon Jovi. Sadly, he needed more Blackie and Axl and less Bon Jovi for the songs he was singing. Most hilariously awesome moment of the movie? (tie) a. Russel Brand and Alec Baldwin singing "I Can't Fight this Feeling Anymore" to each other before kissing. b. Generic Pretty Boy Rocker Hero opening up "I've Been Waiting" while taking a piss. and c. Diesel was one of the bodyguards for Tom Cruise. AKA Kevin Nash was more or less playing Diesel from his early days of being Shawn Michaels' Roadie. I hope this gets Rifftrax'ed. I had many of my own jokes in my head while watching it.
Biggest Disappointments:
1. Was there scenes in a strip club? Yes. Where was the best pole dancing? In the Bourbon Room (which was NOT the name of the strip club)
2. Again there were scenes in a strip club. Guess the two things there wasn't? Nudity and Motley Crue's "Girls, Girls, Girls"
3. I think they managed to find a chick who looks like a bleach blonde Olivia Wilde, but without the talent. Though her singing part of "I want to know where love is" with the lace from Cruise's leather pants in her mouth was funny.
4. The folks sing Whitesnake's "Here I go again." Guess whose voice got closest to David Coverdale... If you said Paul Giamatti, you would be right, and laughing your ass off.
5. Church Ladies and Rockers have a sing off. Rockers sing Starship. Church Ladies sing Twisted Sister. Wait, what?
6. Pretty Boy Rocker Hero spent much of the early parts of the movie playing his guitar with all the talents of Van Hammer.
Now, to score it:
For doing what it set out to do: 1/10
For being entertaining: 8/10
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