RAW Captions (3/2/04)

[Azriel]

I think thats all of them.

[AareDub]

The new WWE black light drug tests reveal that Kane is, in fact, the crack head guy from Chappelle's Show

[targo_the_sho_stopa]

[/QUOTE]

Stand back girls, I'll protect you with my heat vision

[Corkscrewed]

The fans knew Steve had really lost it when he suddenly forgot who he was, what he was doing, and why he was here.


"Oh, Head of Food Sales? He's up there."


"I want YOU... to job to Hunter."


Steve never bothered with being inconspicuous when doing it for The Rock."


The Passion of the Victoria was met with skepticism by the crowd but raves by Triple H.


Ref: "And this is a giraffe!"
Molly and Jazz: "Whoa!!! Do more!!!"
Theodore: "Someone shoot ME in the ass..."


Stone Cold does his best Colorado University football player impression.


The first-ever Headless Wrestlers Match was a resounding success.


You know your career has hit rock bottom when Greg "The Hammer" Valentine is kicking your ass.


...and preparing to rape you as well.


Jackie: "Whoa, it's a little drafty..."

OR

Jackie botches the Marylin Monroe skit.


It's Mindvision Time again!
Jackie: "I can't believe he's kissing Stacy's hand and not mine!"
Rico: "At least Stacy doesn't botch holding her hand out to be kissed."
Stacy: "You think Sean will like think I'm cotton candy and like take me out of this stupid angle? I mean like it didn't work for Trish, but like, I'm like totally hotter."


When Kane's pyro hit, Tori knew she was screwed.


Kane: "I think RVD's overdoing it a little..."


And you see a rare shot of Midcard Hell...

OR

Triple H found a defect. His invisible crucifix wasn't so invisible when lit afire.


Michaels: "I just thrust my neck into Midcard Hell to check if there's a spot for you next month. You're in luck. There is."
Benoit: "Better be... wait, what?"


Benoit: Most Violent "Guess Who?" Player Ever.


The burial of Benoit had begun, as he was pinned by Batista while being repeatedly pimp slapped by the referee.


Benoit: "OW! So this is how Shaniqua's victims feel!!!"


Batista: "Gimme a push, Michaels, or I swear I'll fire!!!"


Triple H practices his Wrestlemania XX match.


Triple H: "No! You can't die before the Wrestlemania match! Who did this to you???"
Beniot: ....
Triple H: "SPEAK TO ME!!!"
Orton: "What the..."


Just as Booker was giving Matt a backdrop, RVD stopped being high...


Booker T began his heel turn when he started mocking Sean O'Haire about actually having the opportunity to pin people.


You would have been seeing this shot from the other side of the ring, but unfortunately, at that moment, that other cameraman had to take a leak doggy style...


Rock: "Dammit, this pose doesn't work unless I have breasts."


"No, HE'S a hobo!!!"


The Rock's promo skills had gotten so rusty that they had reached Hardcore Holly Soporific Level, as indicated by Foley.


The Rock indicates how many more times he'll be able to miss a year and still get a spot at Wrestlemania.

[Corkscrewed]

Oh, and since I'm getting to these early for a change, I'm gonna piss Loose Cannon off and...



Cade and Booker T: "WHOA!!! Evolution Kool-Aid DOES work!!!"


Benot paid dearly after he took a sip of Evolution Kool-Aid.


HHH: "Don't! You! Ever! Drink the Kool-Aid again!!!"


Foley: "Heh... guys... I... I swear I never.... never took nothing!!"


Rock: "This is the man! This is the man who took the Kool-Aid!"
Mick: "You're on my side! You're not supposed to rat me out!"
Rock: "Oh wait, really? Shit. I've been out of this too long."

[Savio]

*Insert whore joke here*

Rock was fired because fans were to get confused with more then 2 goatee's in the WWE

Ref: Wow a dime!

[Showstopper]

how do you do these?

[loopydate]

Spike TV became enraged when their satellite feed got crossed with FOX's broadcast of "American Idol: Uncensored, Uncut, and Untalented."



BALD GUY: She bangs she bangs...



OLD GUY: And I don't ever wanna feeeeeeeeeel / Like I did that day / Take me to the place I looooooooooove...



In this clip from the new "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas," we can see that the graphics have gotten a major overhaul, but...there's something lacking in the vehicle department.



After the resounding flop of "Brocktoria" last week, WWE debuted Victoria's new gimmick: The RAW Cheerleader!



MOLLY: No! I'm the #1 contender!
JAZZ: I am!
REF: Pretty light...



MOLLY: Who's that behind you?
STEVE: Johnny Flameboy.
JOHN: Johnny Bla--
MOLLY: That's a gay name.
STEVE: Yeah, well, I think he might be a *whispers* homo.
JOHN: I'm not g--
MOLLY: Really? Well, I guess I'll tell all of the Divas. Stacy was telling me she thought he was kinda cute.
JOHN: I'M NOT G--
STEVE: Yeah, well. Isn't that always the way?
ERIC (off-camera): Hey, guys, Triple H is here!
JOHN: But I'm still he--
*Camera cuts away*



CADE: Point to the mat!
HURRICANE: It's "Point to your knees."
REF: Stupid rookie...



CADE: That'll teach you get out of your cage!
HURRICANE: That's Sean O'Haire.
REF: Stupid rookie...



CADE: RIBO!
ROSEY: It's "RHYNO!"
REF: Stupid rookie...



Stevie couldn't help but sneak a peek.



RICO: *snarling and chomping*
STACY: Like, ow and stuff. Oh, hey, a sign!
JACKIE: Shit, he's got her finger to the bone...
STACY: "If you can read this, you must not be Stacky." What the hell is Stacky?



Typical 1950s thinking. In the event of a nuclear attack, if there's no desk to duck and cover under, hide behind the nearest homosexual.



Kaney Smurf...was not a good idea, Vince.



Thousands of pre-teen girls in the audience began swooning when they misinterpreted the signal as meaning that "Team Xtreme" was coming back.



CHRIS: I thought you lost your smile after you got that flesh-eating virus.
SHAWN: Nope.



BATISTA: *sob*
CHRIS: What is it, Dave?
BATISTA: This is...*sniff* like the third week in a row they've had this same picture up. This can't be helping my credibility.
CHRIS: Aw, buck up, pal. Tell you what. In the next picture, you can be pinning me.



BATISTA: Thanks, Chris. You're the best. I never did believe all those horrible things Hunter was saying about you to Vince.
CHRIS: Yeah...what?



Randy Orton: The TRUE Peek-A-Boo Legend.



BATISTA: Why isn't he calling for the bell?!?
SHAWN: Wrong ref.
BATISTA: And I went to all the trouble of putting a Canadian in a submission hold and everything...



HHH: Wrestlemania logo?
BATISTA: Check.
HHH: Benoit unconscious?
BATISTA: Check.
HHH: Shawn ready for a Pedigree?
BATISTA: Check.
HHH: All right. So I guess they can go ahead and take the picture now so they don't have to in two weeks.



RANDY: Um...Hunter?
HHH: Not now, Randy! I'm taunting Benoit!
RANDY: But the glass ce--
HHH: DAMMIT, RANDY!
RANDY: It's starting to lo--
HHH: Well, for the love of--OW! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THE GLASS CEILING WAS STARTING TO LOWER?!?



RVD: Whoa! That giant talking pile of marshmallows looks like Booker T and Matt Ha--OH, SHIT!



Unbeknownst to Booker, tonight was the night the referee would forever cement his reputation as the Finger Breaker!



Mick knew he was screwed when HHH revealed that he, too, had learned to become invisible.



ROCKBERG: You smellalalalalalalalalala NEXT!
JR: BAH GAWD!
KING:
WRESTLING FANS:



ROCK: Shoot this man in the ass!
MICK: Geez, Rock, at least give 'em a challenge...



HHH: You disappoint me, Mr. Johnson.
ROCK: You can't scare me with this Gestapo crap. I know my rights. I want to use my catchphrases!
HHH: And tell me, Mr. Johnson what good is a catchphrase if you are unable to speak?



Rocky Dudley debuts his shocking new gimmick when he GETS THE TABLES!

[Rock Bottom]

Steve Austin had a great idea to play off of the film, "Passion of the Christ," as inspired by Shawn Michaels.


You see, Steve Austin would play God...


And Vince McMahon would play Satan.


However, as soon as Triple H caught wind that someone other than him wanted to play God, he had Austin mowing the lawn.


Victoria shows us exactly why she is the "Women's Chimp."


The ref took offense to Teddy's comment that "white men can't jump," and he proceeded to prove him wrong. Up up, and away!


Austin sadly informed Molly of the clause in her contract saying that Triple H had to hold down her long hair.


Steven Richards with a flying head chomp out of nowhere!


Ref: What do you say Hurricane!?
Hurricane: No!
Ref: If you give up, just tap out, five times, five times, five times, five times, dive times.


Apparently Cade didn't want to move to SmackDown! for a quality pillow.


Luna Vachon's cover was almost blown, I mean if her skirt went any higher we would all KNOW.


Barbie was so PISSED to find out that Ken had moved on and fell in love with Repunzel.


Rico: Ladies... Stay back.
Stacy: What IS that?
Jackie: *Gasp* I think it's Triple H and Stephanie's first born son.


Kane's night-club gimmick didn't go over too well.


Triple H: "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." *Begins skipping rocks*

OR

The invisible crucifix finally shows itself!


HBK: "What?"
Benoit: "Are you the internet MOLE?"
HBK: "Huh?"
Benoit: "What is that catchphrase by The Rock... Know your MOOOOOOOOOLE?"
HBK: "..."
Benoit: "..."
HBK: "..."
Benoit: "..."
HBK: "..."
Benoit: "..."


Benoit: "MOLEYMOLEYMOLEYMOLEYMOLEMOLEMOLEMOLEMOLEYMOLEYMOLEY"


Benoit was tired of being held down by HHH. It was time to show him how big his penis really was, when he popped a 270 pound woody with arms and legs.


Batista: "Alright, let's see what we got down here..." *Pulls out a toaster and tosses it*

*Then a broom*

*Then a sink*

*Reaches in deeper* AHA! Got it! *Pulls out Michael's career* Whew.


Orton: "GUESS WHO MOTHER FUCKER. DOESN'T FEEL SO GOOD DOES IT?"


Batista: "Now if only I can get Benoit to fart in HBK's direction, he will put on a good match..."


Triple H: "Alright Dave, you're up, and make it quick."
Batista: "Dude, I hate sloppy seconds."
Triple H: "Hurry the fuck up if you value your push."
Batista: "Fine!" *Goes digging for new angles*


Triple H: "YOU HEAR ME MOLLY? NEVER, EVER GROW YOUR HAIR LONGER THAN MINE AGAIN."


Matt-Man and his side-kick battled The Smoker.


Booker T: "DID YOU SEE THAT MOVE?"
Ref: "FUCK YES." *SLAPS HIM 5*


Everyone in Evolution was shocked by Triple H's illusion... He wasn't the Wizard of Schnoz afterall... He was just a mean old man!


How Long's It Been...

Since you shaved?

OR

The one man that could counter Triple H was held down by T&A poses.


Triple H: "Alright, which one of you fucks got a bigger pop than me?"


When Foley said he would sell a punch to the face, he didn't know The Rock meant the one on his shirt.


Rock does his impression of Goldberg trying to flip the bird.

(I'll do more Rock captions later, as promised)

[Rock Bottom]

I didn't read any captions when I did mine by the way, so sorry if some lines were similar.

[Blue Demon]

Rico: I guess you can say he was hot..for...you...

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed Oh, and since I'm getting to these early for a change, I'm gonna piss Loose Cannon off and... Cade and Booker T: "WHOA!!! Evolution Kool-Aid DOES work!!!" Benot paid dearly after he took a sip of Evolution Kool-Aid. HHH: "Don't! You! Ever! Drink the Kool-Aid again!!!" Foley: "Heh... guys... I... I swear I never.... never took nothing!!" Rock: "This is the man! This is the man who took the Kool-Aid!" Mick: "You're on my side! You're not supposed to rat me out!" Rock: "Oh wait, really? Shit. I've been out of this too long."

Jackass

[Fryza]

Austin: Okay, whoever it was who set that paper bag on fire, and wanted to be smart by adding dog shit, I will find you and stun you....



Austin came out to announce the cars that still had their lights on during the different FFX2 breaks. The crowd normally got arise from it, unless it was their car.



McMahon's cover of "Time to play the Game" pleased Hunter so much, he even gave him an explosion, then promptly had the person in the ring job to Hunter.



Austin (riding the ATV going only two inches): GET OUT OF THE WAY!
Vince: *waves arm in the air and screams*
Austin: MOVE!
Vince: *continues*
Austin: WHAAAAAAT!

The ATV then bumped into McMahon, which prompted text from JR-

JR: BAW GAWD STUNNER



Victoria always got giddy when she wore her Zebra pajamas..



Teddy: Hey ref, what did the five fingers say to the face?
Ref: What?
Teddy: *slap* Rick James bitch.



Austin: Hey, ya'know Molly, I can see down your shirt..
Molly: Ewwwww....oh my God, pyscho....



Hurricane was a known watch-thief...but right in the middle of the match? C'mon man...



Due to resistence from WWE employees refuses to become more mat based, the WWE set up "De-Talentizing" officials to break down the men, and make them Hunter Drones.



Worst. Samoan Drop. Ever.



Wow, Mae looks a bit younger in that pi....oh...oh....



One thing to remember after this picture was taken:

Jackie is like a Howler Monkey. In this picture, she was angered. Rico will be out for the next seven months, and Stacy will more than likely never walk again.



Jackie was impressed with the size. Rico was angered beyond belief, and wasn't going to let it near the ladies. Stacy had seen bigger....

...What? You guys...Oh, I see..Sicko perverts, I was taking about Kane..



Kane was more than angery about those damn Smurfs...



The Invisible Crucifix makes it's first visible appearence, and sets Sean O'Haire's career ablaze.



The Ameriadian Vase didn't go over so well, and that was just with the vase.



Benoit: I....GOT....YOUR NOSE....BITCH....



Shawn watched in horror, as Batista made an armchair out of Benoit.



Suddenly, Orton's eye hold went ary, as he pulled a quarter from behind Chris' ear. Randy's training by Doink the Clown was showing again..



Batista: Shawn...Shawn, am I doing this right?
Shawn: No Dave, we went over this a thousand times..you have to use HIS move.



Dave: Why is the WMXX sign glowing?
Hunter: Excellent...all is falling into plan...



Hunter: SEE! SEE! It DOES come off! OFF! It REMOVES!
Chris: It's...still...attached to...your hands....
Hunter: *pedigree*
JR: BAW GAWD HE'S BEEN BROKEN IN HALF BY THE CEREBRAL BOOKER!



RVD soon found out that the Glass Ceiling curves...



Booker T was smiling high, he was going to win a match in the main event of a RAW, until the Hunter Hearst Referee did the Karate Chopa of Hunterdom, and Hunter nailed the pedigree for the win.



Rule #27.4: It's one thing to corner a homeless grizzly bear. It's another to corner a homeless grizzly bear with a microphone in hand.



Rockberg makes his WWE botch...debute....



Rocky: Foley....GET THE RATINGS!



Wow, Will Smith looks old....



Oh God...now he's Arsino Hall...for Christ's sake..

[Blue Demon]

look...I'm tghe Big Boss Man

[AareDub]

Originally Posted by loopydate BATISTA: *sob* CHRIS: What is it, Dave? BATISTA: This is...*sniff* like the third week in a row they've had this same picture up. This can't be helping my credibility. CHRIS: Aw, buck up, pal. Tell you what. In the next picture, you can be pinning me. BATISTA: Thanks, Chris. You're the best. I never did believe all those horrible things Hunter was saying about you to Vince. CHRIS: Yeah...what?

[tuk420]

No, No, No Rock the shocker is supposed to look like this....





Here the Rock attempts to revive the old Hollywood Hogan markered on beard angle.


The ref celebrated Booker T's pin with a enthusiastic slap on the ass. Maybe a little too enthusiastic.


With a dress like that you need two hair dos.

[Savio]

4 seconds later she jobbed to triple h

[Raising Kane]

good job all

[Savio]

Vince: Your fired!
Steve: I wouldn't do that!
Vince: and why not?

Steve: because in my hand I have the results for tonight!
JR: Tazzmission!
Vince: your bluffing!
Steve:
Victoria & Lita Vs Molly Holly & Jazz
Winner HHH

Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak Vs Hurricane & Rosey
Winner HHH

Randy Orton & Batista Vs Shawn Michaels & Chris Benoit
Winner Evolution with help from triple H

Rob Van Dam & Booker T Vs Matt Hardy & Test
Winner: No contest Triple H has the ring collapse and in the confusion steals the belts.

Vince: Liar! HHH pinned Matt Test RVD and Booker after giving them a pedigree then waiting a minute
Steve: Damn your good.

[Innovator]

Originally Posted by Corkscrewed Triple H: "No! You can't die before the Wrestlemania match! Who did this to you???" Beniot: .... Triple H: "SPEAK TO ME!!!" Orton: "What the..."

Did I start a running gag here?

[Penner]

Cade struggled to get Hurricane's mouth open because the ref thought he could stick both his hands in

[Jeremy Christian]

What ever happened, they had to protect the red Twizzler.

I'm surprised no one pulled the red twizzler joke tonight. Oh well, ever the opprotunist...

[Nowhere Man]

Okay, I think it's time to show you boys how it's done!

(now watch all of mine suck)



Austin: And that's why I think Steven Richards is an idiot, a jerk, and needs to be fired!

....

He's standing right behind me, isn't he?

(sorry, Santo. Couldn't resist.)

On a side note, I'm only 1 caption in and I'm already ripping off someone else. This can't be a good sign.



Austin stopped dead in the middle of his promo as the laser beam shot past him. Apparently, those Imperial Stormtroopers had finally caught up with him for that maneuver he'd pulled back in Mos Eisley.



You really have to question the ethics of a man who can't even cut a promo without hellfire shooting up behind him.



Austin reveals himself to be "Willy the Worker" by making every internet smark's dreams come true.



I must say, Rico's certainly gotten a lot hotter than the last time I saw him.



The argument between Molly and Jazz was just a diversion for Richards to try and sneak attack Hebner, diving at him from the turnbuckle. Unfortunately, Earl was too wise of a veteran ref to fall for it, and took Richards down with a vicious midair eye-poke.



Molly: so anyways, that's why I really appreciate this title feud.
Austin: No problem. A girl like you deserves only the very breast--err,
Molly:What??
Austin: Nothing, I was just saying that even though you're a heel, I'd much rather cheer you than try and boob--I mean
Molly: Hey!!!
Austin: What I meant to say was that you're one of the best women in the WWE, and the fact that you haven't been pushed iis a real titty--umm, I mean, ummm---CLEAVAGE! No, I mean
Molly:*smack*



Much like certain species of turtle, the North American Jobber can often pull its head deep within its shell to avoid danger or de-pushing.



Cade: I said, spit out that gum! SPIT IT OUT!



Cade did his damndest to cover up the blown spot, but deep down, he'd known from the start that Rosey trying a flying headscissors was a bad idea.



Much to the disgust of fans everywhere, a sudden gust of wind reveals Jckie's horrible, horrible secret.



That Hugh Jackman....Such a charmer. Even if he does have a stupid costume, I still--oh, that's Rico. Nevermind.



Rico bravely protected the girls from the Coming of Satan unto the world. Despite the mind-numbing horror of coming face to face with the incarnation of evil itself, he couldn't help but be surprised the Evolution song wasn't playing.



Kane's induction to the Blue Man Group wasn't exactly the best. Still, it was better than that stint in Cirque du Soleil.



With WCW and ECW gone, Vince needed another group to have a god inter-promotional feud. With that, the Ku Klux Klan InVasion was on!!!



HBK: Look, Bret, I know you're probably still upset about the whole--
Benoit: My name's not Bret. It's Chris.
HBK: Oh! Well, I like the new hair color! Looks better than when I beat you last year!
Benoit: Wrong Chris.
HBK: Jeez, how many of you guys are there?!



Benoit: Dammit, Dave! I'm asking you one more time! LET GO OF MY CROTCH!
Batista: Mmmmph phmmmmph mmmfph mmmm!



In one of the most stunning reversals of all time, Batista managed to escape the Crossface, hoist Benoit into the air, and give him a Chokeslam that knocked him out cold. All without the hand ever leaving Benoit's crotch!



The submission was painful enough, but what really did Benoit in was that Randy had taped next month's scripts onto his palms.



Shawn only looks on in dismay as Benoit completely botches the West Coast Pop.

HBK: Man, how in the hell did you ever become the internet fanboys' darling?



HBK and HHH decide to actually live up to their claim of being backstage leaders, and begin showing live instructions on "How to Get a Push."



Dave was depressed that all the attention was going to Hunter and Benoit, and nobody wanted to see him do the Baby Elephant Walk anymore.



Booker, Rob, and Matt's three-man trapeze act ends in tragedy.



It became a little too obvious that Booker was paying the ref to give him the win. I mean, they just couldn't stop high-fiving each other during the damn match.



Mick knew he could easily take Orton, Flair, and maybe even Batista, but with Larry the cameraman joining Evolution's ranks, he was starting to get a little worried.



Rocky wasn't fooling anyone with his disguise. Everyone knew he wasn't the real Goldberg.



The Rock debuts his new gimmick, the People's Point-Out-the-Only-Reason-Randy-Orton-has-any-Heat-er.



Mick: Hey, Rock, who's that guy over there selling the cotton candy?
Rock: Where? I don't see him.
Mick: Right over there, the one with the crazy-looking mask.
Rock: Oh, I see him now. Damn, what the hell has been going on since the last time I was here?



The Rock just couldn't Lay the Smackdown like he used to, after that horrible accident in wood shop.

[FourFifty]

Stop! Caption time!
All jokes are considered mine, unless they’re a running joke.



Steve Austin action figure, now with extended mic time and Judo chop!


Steve: Now listen here, we all know what you want, and we won’t let HIM out of his cage!


Note to self: Never call Austin a homo….


To extract some revenge on the World Wildlife Fund, one out of every three wrestlers shall wear animal skin.


Pre-match tensions mounted as Teddy Long and Jazz were about to wrestle Molly Holly and Earl Hebner.


Austin: Molly, get closer to me…
Molly: Steve… I don’t know what to say… I mean… Do you feel the same way?
Austin: I always have, always will….
Molly: Oh Steve! I love you!!!!
Austin: You think that highly of me for trying to take the new guy out of this shot?
Molly:



The new Superhero Head Eater gimmick didn’t go over that great.


Ref: Oh man! I know who you are! You’re that guy from Three Count! Yeah! “We like the Backstreet Boys, and N’Sync too!” I love all your songs!
Hurricane: And I didn’t get cut on the originals CD!
Ref: Impossible!


All I can think is “botched weggie”


That bastard! Now Stevie Richards tries to lift up skirts!


The love child of HBK and The Warrior was one smooth playa with the ladies.


Stacy: Shouldn’t we go help him!?!?! I mean, he’s on fire!
Jackie: I know! He is bad, but still, does he deserve this?
Rico: I had the gay gimmick, and I’m stuck with this flamboyant metrosexual bit! Let Triple H burn!


Kane: Okay… no good jokes can be made while I’m in the blue lighting…. They can’t make fun of… Hey… is that something shiny in the crowd?


The midcarders rejoice! They have lit the invisible crucifix on fire!

[FourFifty]

HBK: Okay Bret, we know how we’re gonna run through the match, right? Nice and clean, no screw jobs… I have nothing to do with anything that Vince will do, okay?
Chris: But my name isn’t Bret.
HBK: It isn’t? Woah! I’m having flashbacks!


Shades of the Beniot/Jericho team with Beniot and “Lion Heart” Stevie Richards.


Ref: Okay Earl, watch! No one is tapping, I’m not calling for the bell!
Earl: At least people know my name!


Beniot: OH MY GOD!!! HOW CAN THIS BE!!!!
Randy: Yeah! My crossface is cool, isn’t it!
Beniot: YOU’RE BOTCHING MY MOVE!!!!


Needless to say Shawn is confused… Where’s the bell?


Triple H even no sells a headbutt to the balls.


Triple H: You see this! This is the closest you will ever get to talent again, Belty!


RVD: Oh no! My jetpack! It isn’t working!!!
Booker T: Sucka, what were you doing before our match?
RVD: Dude… same thing as I do before every match... Try to take over the world!
Booker T: And Light up?
RVD: Oh, dude, that too.


I understand he has arachnophobia, but that’s not a spider…


Foley could keep Evolution at bay with his remediation of “Bandstand Boogie.”


Rock: Okay, I’m on TV, that means I get to be in the next series of WWE Video Games, I’m back off to Hollywood!


Rock: Shoot this roody poo in the candy ass!
Foley: I think you’ve been away from the ring for too long…


That right! No one could believe the news! It would be Randy Orton, Batista, and Ric Flair VS Mick Foley and a newly buffed up and steroid pumping Coachman!


So Rock, how many matches will you wrestle in the next 5 years?


Never, ever, ever light a match behind Vince McMachon after he had some Baja Grill!

[El Santo]

Steve Austin IS the Drunk Punisher.


You know that Stone Cold's lost all passion for the business when he doesn't even try to hide his cue cards.


After shooting fire out of his ass, Vince proved that nobody ... but NOBODY ... played a better "pull my finger".


In a shocking heel swerve, Steve Austin runs over James Bond!


And tonight, the role of Victoria will be played by Sandra Bullock.


Everyone in the ring froze as Hebner frantically announced the arrival of Godzilla.


SCSA: "I need your honest opinion, Molly.... Does the guy behind me look like the unholy love child of Rico and Steven Richards or what?"


Hurricane knew someone had to nip the Chuck & Billy 2K4 gimmick in the bud.


Cade: "Now let's see who you REALLY are under the mask!"
Hurricane: "AUGGGHHH! The chin is real, you asshole!"


Garrison thought he had the match won, but he hadn't counted on Rosey's viscious counterattack: the Silent But Deadly.


On a similar note, Jackie just knew she shouldn't have had those burritos before coming out to the ring.


When Rico was finally forced to choose between two beautiful women, he decided he could no longer deny the geek within. He was always a sucker for Princess Leia impersonators.


Stacy: "The ring is on fire!"
Jackie: "Oh, my! Who will save us?"
Rico: "Stand back, ladies! This looks like a job for ... RICOMAN!"


Glenn Jacobs IS Mr. Freeze.


In a chilling dramatization with a poorly contructed dummy, Brock warns that anyone caught on the internet will be burned at the stake.


Benoit tries to best to ignore the weird mildew infestation growing on HBK's neck.


When he moved to RAW, Benoit never figured that, week in a week out, Evolution members would be thrusting their hands in his crotch. He always figured it would be vice versa...


.... But, dammit all, it was just a ruse to steal his wallet.


You're never too old to have fun playing peek-a-boo.


In a really bizarre plot development, HBK turns on Benoit by firing a flaming spitwad at his crotch.


Benoit should have known better. All the midcarders backstage warned him: Don't believe Trips when he tells you there's a shiny quarter on the mat.


Things looked bad for Benoit until Midget Orton dived in to save the day.


Booker T has his match with Matt Hardy well in hand when suddenly ... it began raining midcarders.


Booker T would have won the match, but the Ref was having too much fun doing cartwheels.


After Flair brought in the two dancing Chippendales, Mick knew that his chances of winning the staring contest were doomed.


"Rock? Who is this 'Rock' you speak of of? I am ... Guy Incognito."


Looking to derail Randy's gimmick as a "Legend Killer", Rock pulls a gun out on Mick.


Later that night, security mistook Rock and Foley for two drunk truckers and tried to clear them out of the ring.



"And this ... this my favorite one, if you smell what the Rock's cookin'... THIS little piggy had ROAST BEEF..."

[FourFifty]

Still trying to keep Beniot down, Triple H tries to convince the editing crew to white out Beniot from the show. Too bad they only got part of the back.

[Corkscrewed]

Man, it's amazing how many times people used other people's jokes... mainly mine.

[Kane Knight]

Why do birds suddenly appear...



...Every time you are near...



...Just like me...They long to be...

Close to yoooooooooooooooooooooou...



Stevie Richards decides that even a drag queen gimmick will get him over better than the "invisible man" schtick.



The referee disqualifies Molly's opponent for too much "junk in the trunk."



Austin: You wanna ditch Eric and go out with a REAL man?

Molly: Didn't your wife beat you up?



Jeffrey Dalhmer's debut match went afoul when he suddenly got "hungry."



The Hurricane learned a valuable lesson: Never make eyes at Clinton's intern...



Bill gets the rollup on Monica.



Rico always knew that the gateway to Hell was hidden in Vince's breast pocket...



Jacobs: And this one's from my blue period.



Triple H was furious that anyone's symbol was bigger than his.



Benoit's new "hardcore" image picked up with a game of "Extreme Got Your Nose."



Orton tortured Benoit by forcing his eye open as Batista reenacted the Triple H/Steph wedding night...



...Only to finish the horror by making Chris join in...



Reverend Foley proudly announced Flair and Orton man and wife, as Batista gloated, confident as to who the real "best man" was.



The debut of the Rock and Mick Foley's illegitimate lovechild.



"...But my husband here...He LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVES the cock."



Rocky was appalled by allegations that he had beaten his loving wife, Mrs. Foley.



The Rock tells curious fans just how many years he's been trying to grow a beard.

[Blue Demon]

Judge: How many syllables does antiestablishmentarianism have?

Rock: duh....

[Innovator]

Steve-O Austin attempts to do what no other man has done before...get more airtime than HHH



Austin: RHYNO! BEER ME!



"Vince McMahon is 7 feet tall."
"Ay I've heard, if he were here, he'd consume the midcarders with fireballs on his eyes, and bolts on lightning from his arse."



The new "queer eye for the wrestling guy" debuts with Stevie getting a radical makeover.



Molly: I'm uglier!
Jazz: NO I AM!
Ref: Its just a thriller...



Austin: Hey Molly how ya doing?
Molly: Steve?
Austin: Good match out there huh
Molly: Steve my eyes are up here!
Austin: I've made my choice



Wolverine, always the sly one



Stacy: oh my god!
Jackie: It's horrible
Rico: Why didn't Trips and HBK use nightvision like everyone else...



If I stand still enough, HHH won't notice I'm still in the ring.



HHH: Hey Godwinn, remember that pig pen match?
Godwinn (on cross): oh yeah that was a good time
HHH: Yeah....well now BURN FOR IT!



Benoit: Oh you don't like it now huh! YEAH DAVE HEAR THAT FUCKING OCEAN!



Batista: IS THIS RIGHT SHAWN?!?!?!?!
HBK: No you need to have both his legs, cross them and lean back
Batista: ....HOW ABOUT NOW?!?!?!
HBK: Dave you ok? you have more roid rage than usual..
Batista: ARGHARKGDSGKHSDRG



HBK: Forgive me father for I have sinned...



Foley: C'mon sing along....you can dance when you want to....you can leave your friends behind

[Kane Knight]

Satan reveals that Rico was now his in exchange for the recent airtime.

JR suddenly undersatnds the mystery...

[Savio]

Man, it's amazing how many times people used other people's jokes... mainly mine.

[Kane Knight]

In fairness, I doubt anyone actually READ your captions.

[Corkscrewed]

Dammit! That deja vu is coming back!!!

[Ian]

You've lost that loving feeling, woah that loving feeling,

[Kane Knight]

Dammit! That deja vu is coming back!!!

[Corkscrewed]

<-- Going crazy.

[Nowhere Man]

My head hurts.

Anyways, my captions kinda blew this week. I'll try to make up for it with the SD ones, though.

[BigDaddyCool]

Booker T: Yeah Ref, I'm winnin'! High Five!


Vince was so angery that his colon shot out molten lava deep from the Earth's crust onto a screen behind, all while accussing the man infront of him of being homosexual.


Nothing, but nothing stops a hobo fight faster than a rat running by with a pizza crust in his mouth.