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12-16-2003, 07:48 PM
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#1 |
Posts: 18,357
  
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WWE RAW Captions [12-15-2003]
 The new WWE Department Store mannequins were a resounding success. OR The Ric Flair/Batista feud began innocently enough when Dave smacked Ric in the head with his belt.  Trish: "You cheated on me with WHO??" Chris: "It's okay. I had Subway for lunch."  Christian was as high as a kite flying on RVD's Magic Hangglider until he got tangled up in the Twizzler lines.  Bischoff and Jericho took turns dueling whiskey shots with the new WWE Microphone Shot Glasses.  Hoping to resolve the conflict between him and Bischoff, Foley offered Eric the world's largest peppermint candy stick on his arm.  Based on the events of a few RAWs ago and during Armageddon, Mick was really looking forward to another Stacy Kielber segment. OR Mick: "Hmmm... I could save more money if I bought peanuts and cashews separately and mixed them on my own!" (a Twizzler to whoever gets the reference, though I might have messed it up a bit)  It was apparent from his face that Rodney Mack was disappointed to be back. OR They don't make the Maven Wheelbarrows like they used to.  Following Kane's resignation, Coach was appointed as Goldberg's new teacher in the Tutor a Wrestler program, but as you can see here, he found out the hard way what happens when you rap Bill's knuckles with a ruler.  JR: "Baw gawd, he's gonna eat the flag!" King: "What the hell are you talking about?" OR Goldberg didn't take too kindly to that fan's sign, considering the fact that he'd been cut from that "fake" sport. OR There's nothing more patriotic than an unintelligible caveman garbling and growling the National Anthem.  Even though it was a day later Batista was still after that last slice of pizza.  WWE Gay Kama Sutra #295: The Legend Pleasurer (got my gay joke for the week out of the way!)  RVD countered the tiger bomb with a powerful Pot Fart, knocking Batista out with a huge gust of weed smoke.  HBK: "Dude! Your nipples are on fire!" RVD: "Dude! Like, it doesn't even hurt either!" HBK: "Dude! Like weird, man. RVD: "Yeah. Cool." HBK: "Wanna blaze before the match again next week." RVD: "Sure thing."  Rico took the game of touch football a little too intimately.  Realizing he was being reincarnated as the Ultimate Warrior, a distraught Rico could only jump into the arms of a the nearest hoss. John Heidenrich did all that he could to console the poor guy.  "NOOGIE!!!"  Chris: "I'm sorry I lied to you, Trish. I actually had Togo's, not Subway."  Chris knew the only way to defeat a senseless, maniacal psychopath like Kane was to remove all semblance of his manhood. I mean, Shane had turned Kane into a pussy and that had worked, right? Kane always did have trouble tying that last shoelace.  Now was not the best time for Kane to be doing his best mummy impression.  Mick congratulated Bubba Ray, who had returned, bruised and broken, from his quest to find non-bumblebee shorts.  The Ortonbot 2000 also comes with choice of custom programmable looks, including (as shown here) the Zoolander pose.  Mick was frustrated. Why did the Ortonbot 2000 always have to glitch and freeze for five minute when he was around?  Bischoff: "Mick, the warrantee clearly says that we are not liable for any wasted time caused by faultiness in the Ortonbot! I'm sorry, but I can't help you!"  Ortonbot 2000: "Why. Why. Why. Why do. You. Not love. Me?" Mick: "Dammit..."  Eventually, Mick had enough and abandoned his Ortonbot. Maybe someone else would salvage the thing. |
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12-16-2003, 08:35 PM
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#2 |
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Guest
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HHH, "How about we hold up four fingers now" Orton, "Why cause we have four belts?" Flair, "FK'N christ" Batista, "How about I scratch myself on live TV" Trish, "No I'm not gong to pose for playboy" Chris, "Why Not" Ref, "HMM, that's not a bad idea." Coach, "Dammit Bill you were suppossed to wait until the camera was rolling." Goldberg, "But You said go" Coach, "I was talking to the camera guy you dumb FK," Rico was really scared and needed someone to hold on to when he heard Triple H was champion again. Jericho, "You think if I got Victoria to pose, you might give it a go." Trish, "Are you hard of hearing." Kane, reliving a past persona, teaches the audience a slick way of pulling someone's tooth out. In a bold move, Bubba decided to challenge Foley to yet another arm wrestling match a week after Foley had broken Bubba's arm in a thier previous encounter Last edited by Loose Cannon; 12-17-2003 at 01:46 AM. |
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12-16-2003, 09:05 PM
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#3 |
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Guest
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Eric, "Mick, do you think I came off as a good heel in our segment tonight." Mick, "You work here." The WWE had yet another unannouced surprise in store when they let some drunk homeless guy wonder out to the ring during the main event Orton, "Does anybody know what I'm suppossed to do with this thing." Goldberg, "Gooooooooooooooooooooo" Ref, " It's HO Bill." After weeks of anticipation, Heidenreich finally unveils "Little Johnny" to the stunned crowd. Orton, "You think you can give me some tips on in ring psychology Mick." Mick, "Ha Ha, Nice try Flair, but you should try hiring actual WWE wrestlers next time before trying to pull a fast one on me." Last edited by Loose Cannon; 12-16-2003 at 09:47 PM. |
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12-16-2003, 09:16 PM
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#4 |
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I Hate Bottles
Posts: 4,362
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"... or else you end up like me, living in a VAN down by the river!!!" (I hope people get that reference) |
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12-16-2003, 09:39 PM
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#5 |
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Ben E. Hana
Posts: 710
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Orton: whats wrong Mick? Mick: Socko ran away 
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12-16-2003, 10:22 PM
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Sexy
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12-16-2003, 10:29 PM
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#7 | |
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Posts: 399
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Always loved that skit 
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12-17-2003, 01:20 AM
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#8 | ||
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Posts: 18,357
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Quote:
Quote:
 I'm just going to be nice this time. A caption tip: if you have to explain the caption, you probably shouldn't use it. The caption itself should indicate what you intend via the context. That's the recipe for a perfect punchline. Loopydate! Loose Cannon just gave me a chair shot! Save me!!! 
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12-17-2003, 02:07 AM
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#9 |
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Ezekiel 25:17
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Kane: How do you get your hair so smooth and managable? Y2J: Stot choking eee. Foley congratulates Bubba Ray on almost getting the goatee right. Y2J: So I think it is breast that we break this off. Did I say breast? I mean.. Trish: I know what you mean asshole.  to cleavage shots being back This is the face of a man that just stuck the spike on the bottom of the flagpole through his foot. Christian knew that he had the biggest arms in the womens division. Now if he could only afford the boob job. It was safe to say that Micheals had pretty much blown his shot at that promotion at the old folks home. |
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12-17-2003, 02:27 AM
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Guest
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Quote:
 The Ortonbot series rule!!! |
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12-17-2003, 03:26 AM
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#11 |
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One Man Horror Show
Posts: 1,046
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Forgetting his Tag Team belt at home, Batista embarassingly substitutes it with his pants belt. Needless to say, he had an awkward time keeping his pants on. Deeply moved by Trish's plight, a concerned fan kisses her on the nose. Christian: "S'OK?" Left Hand: "S'allright." Jericho: "Dammw thwat Whyno!" Mick: "And now you are completely under my hypnosis. You are now ... Dirk Diggler!" As Mick looked sidelong and gave his thanks to Little Red Fairy and Little Pink Fairy, the audience started to wonder what the hell he was smoking. Maven knew he'd asked Matt how to do the YMCA, but he never knew the process was so painful. Coach: "Mmmmm... yeah, Torrie, say my name... right there... oooohh, yeah.... who's your daddy?" Goldberg: "...." With his right arm transforming into an American flag and two tiny antennae sprouting out his head, Goldberg was going through one weird ass transformation. RVD: "Huh? Shoot me in the ass? But why, Shawn, why?" Rico tries his best to teach John the bend-and-snap. Whoa. The bend-and-snap... works every time! John always gave the best piggy back rides. Jericho: "I'm sorry to hurt you Trish, but I must tell you the truth: I'm really a woman." Trish: "Nice try, Christina, but you're still not getting into the locker room." Glenn Jacobs goes back to his old dentistry ways and tries to yank Chris' loose tooth out with a string. The reborn dentist was too busy checking out Jericho's teeth to notice that the Eye of Mordor was watching from the audience. Randy Orton shows off his new cybernetic arm. Mick's demeanor falls as Randy tells him that the grunge look went out in the 90's. Bischoff: "Please, Mick, for old time's sake --- pull my finger." Even though Randy was being extremely nice, Mick was in no mood for a peck on the cheek. Guy on the left: "Please Mick, if you have to leave, use the door. It's there for a reason." |
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12-17-2003, 03:53 AM
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#12 | |
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Posts: 18,357
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Inspired by El Santo's caption: So the truth to the storyline is revealed. After walking in on Coach jacking off, Goldberg was so traumatized he requested a month off to recuperate. |
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12-17-2003, 04:11 AM
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#13 |
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Only Sane Person Here
Posts: 17,983
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BATISTA: YOU can hear the ocean though, right? HBK: I can't hear shit! It's ok! The bookers had SUBWAY for lunch! (playing off corkscrewed's caption) |
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12-17-2003, 04:47 AM
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#14 |
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Ben E. Hana
Posts: 710
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With nothing more to gain, Evolution tried merging the titles together Trish cried after she found out that Chris Jericho was born without a "little Johny" Ravishing Rick Reso made his RAW debut Y2J: Whats in this Sucker? Mick told Eric to come closer so he could slap him for getting rid of the hardcore title Mick had a twinkle in his eye when he saw Mae Youngs Titan Tron hit Matt: Ha, I easily found you Maven under that wig that you used as a disguise Maven: That wasnt a wig  Coach: Help Goldberg, Im dying, I. I... Goldberg: say that again I dont understand Goldberg was now a suicide bomber. He used what he called a "Patriot Missile" to hold everyone hostage Batista: ah, yeh, take it shawn Ric: Yeah, thats the spot, thats the spot right there Todays show was bought to you by the letter 'H' HBK now knew why RVD had to borrow his deodorant every hour Jon: My name is Heidenreich-ah I'll pump your heinie right-ah rico: you got that right Rico: can i take him home mommy, can I? Little Johnny rose to the occasion on this turn of events Y2J:...if you want, I can get one put in for you Kanes "pull-and-talk Chris Jericho"'s string had broken Kane: Hey, is that my hair? Mick: Bubba, I just wanna thank you Bubba: Who are you? Emperor Orton came out to his people to celebrate his invasion of RVD's stash Without RVD's stash, Mick was just a washed up has-been Eric: Do you recon i'd look good as a blonde? Before Mick left for good (again), he thought he'd make his make by dropping a fart that blew the garage door off |
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12-17-2003, 06:02 AM
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Blander Than Ever
Posts: 3,092
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Whoever did the one about Goldberg putting the flagpole through is foot
absolutely priceless.
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12-17-2003, 08:25 AM
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TPWW's Glass Ceiling
Posts: 5,793
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WWE devoted the first hour to misused WCW talents,by letting
them use their success to laugh in the face of their former boss.
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12-17-2003, 08:28 AM
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#17 |
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TPWW's Glass Ceiling
Posts: 5,793
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WWE had already rehashed all of THEIR gimmicks from the mid-90's,
so in a desperate attempt to make money off once popular things,it was decided Evolution would become THE POWER RANGERS 3000. "It's Morphin' Time"
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12-17-2003, 05:34 PM
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#18 | |
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Posts: 18,357
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12-17-2003, 07:11 PM
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#19 |
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Kiss my face.
Posts: 34
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These won't compete with the awesomeness already posted, but hell, I enjoy doing them
Thinking they were the Power Rangers, Evolution combined all their titles in the hope of creating a bigger one. "Don't look now Chris, but there's two guys in the front row about to make out!" Becoming body conscious after he discovered the wonders of masturbation 2 months ago, Christian compares arms. Before Chris handed the mic over to Eric, he hawked up a big loogie right onto the side. Eric was becoming bored with Foley's spiel, so he carefully prepared his Official WWE Mini Missile. "Let's see you have any more children now!" Foley just turned around as Eric fired the missile, and Eric ran as Foley looked like he enjoyed it. When Matt grabbed Maven's hands and began toying with him, Maven decided to join in and make the faces. "Look, he's clapping like a retard! NUGGHUUGGGH!" As Goldberg performed a picture perfect moonsault during his match, he came backstage to find Coach had suffered from a heart attack. |
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12-17-2003, 07:13 PM
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Kiss my face.
Posts: 34
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As Goldberg growled to the crowd after joining La Resistance, the American flag attacked him from behind. After HBK kept Batista busy for days by telling him to lick his own elbow, Batista got his revenge. "TELL ME TO LICK MY ELBOW?!? YOU WANT MY ELBOW LICKED SO MUCH, HERE!" Just as Ric's tapdance on the top rope was about to go horribly wrong, HBK came to the rescue. Batista: "Wait a minute... JR and King have moved!" HBK was shocked by RVD's third nipple. Rico waits for the gun in the 100m Gay Sprint. It was evident from the face-hugger scene that Ridley Scott's new Alien film was trying desperately to appeal to the gay audience. "You asked me for a piggy-back ride... you TRICKED ME!" |
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12-17-2003, 07:15 PM
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#21 |
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Kiss my face.
Posts: 34
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Jericho tried impressing Trish by using The Force to get an icepack from the room behind her.  Chris made a desperate attempt to escape by tenderly rubbing Kane's crotch. Kane liked the rubbing and asked Chris if he could take over, but unfortunately his idea of foreplay was a little different. Kane let Chris resume the rubbing, but as long as he could still strangle him as he climaxed. Foley had a go on the Bubba Ray one armed bandit. To ensure he'd retain the title forever, Randy had the IC belt grafted onto his arm. Mick kept himself entertained by telling Bischoff you can make fire by rubbing your fingers together. Orton tries showing Foley a picture of Linda McMahon naked, but Mick refuses to look. |
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12-17-2003, 07:42 PM
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#22 |
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Fthagn?
Posts: 10,042
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Hunter: A toast! To having all the gold! Batista: my foot...those gold orbs up there aren't ours... Ric: Move your belt so I can see! Orton: ..can we PLEASE just get this over with?! I feel like a nazi... The ref watched in horror as Trish began the "Old-Wife-Whine" on Jericho who was pulling the "Deaf-Old-Man" routine on her. Steiner lost his muscles....geez... Jericho: I'm not a homo! Foley: No, see Eric, JERICHO isn't the HOMO, YOU'RE A HOMO![/reviving old running gag] Foley's evil plot was complete. He sucessfully stole Lesnar's Teletubbies to lure the champion to RAW. Hardy: WTF, you're glued to the matt?! Maven: Rhyno...I, I just didn't see him coming... Goldberg, you asshole. Coach is laying there having a heart attack and you just stare at him. You can see the pain in the face of Goldberg as he molds the flag as his arm. Batista: DO. YOU. HEAR. THE. OCEAN?! Micheals: *garggle* Batista: UH DIE! WTF?! Is Flair shoving HBK up his ass?! Batista didn't know what to do. RVD was going for the spear, but screwed it up. Should he counter it? It was going good, til Shawn gave the signal and the unseen hand went for the kill. And today's letter is brought you by Trojan condoms.... Rico was worried. Heinenshmickal was supposed to run him into the corner ring post, but all Heininsteinberg could do was walk his way there.. Rico: FEEL MY WRATH! Hienschwarzes: What are you DOING?! Jericho: Okay...I'm sorry for dropping you on your neck...twice..and stealing your keys...five times...and... Trish: Wait, when did all of this happen? This is what happens when you don't pay your taxes. Kane: I'M A MIME! Jericho: wtf... Foley: You're the worst wife-beater I've ever seen....but...uhhh...run with that! That is one wicked ass arm Orton has there now.. Foley: Now, wait...was I wrestling the guy with the trunks or stripe shirt... Eric: No, and here is the reasons WHY Hunter is better than the rest of the roster.. Orton: You're lucky I don't have enough oil in my arms, otherwise you wouldn't be able to see me! Foley: I thought that that was supposed to be Cena's gimmick.. Now, Foley's task was at its highest. Where the hell did he park? |
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12-17-2003, 08:07 PM
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#23 |
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Guest
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[QUOTE=Fryza]
Goldberg, you asshole. Coach is laying there having a heart attack and you just stare at him. NICE
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12-17-2003, 08:27 PM
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#24 | |
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Jays
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12-18-2003, 12:46 AM
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#25 | |
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Posts: 18,357
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[QUOTE=Loose Cannon]
Quote:
 
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12-18-2003, 12:52 AM
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12-18-2003, 01:00 AM
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#27 |
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Sexy
Posts: 5,443
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Great Captions Fryza!
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12-18-2003, 02:59 AM
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#28 |
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FIT Challenge Slag People
Posts: 13,816
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FADE IN
INT. LOCKER ROOM As we return from commercial, we find loopydate in his locker room on his cell phone. LOOPY: Yeah, I've got captions to do tonight, but I'm in no rush. Yeah, it's not like anything else is going to happen. I mean, hell, I'm in the Caption Crew! Suddenly, the door to the locker room is kicked open violently. Corkscrewed enters, holding an icepack to his head. CORK: Where the hell were you? LOOPY: (to phone) I'm going to call you back. He hangs up. LOOPY: What? CORK: Loose Cannon just laid my ass out with a chair in the ring and you didn't do anything for...like...three days! LOOPY: Wait, who hit you with a chair? CORK: Loose Cannon! LOOPY: I thought he was in the Crew. CORK: No. LOOPY: Is he the one that joined the STUPID NOOBs? CORK: No, he's the one who didn't take a side. LOOPY: Damn, it's getting harder and harder to tell people's gimmicks apart these days! CORK: You're telling me... --- Note: I'll do the whole caption thing tomorrow. It's been a strange week, so I apologize to all both of the people who read mine every week.
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12-18-2003, 03:42 AM
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#29 |
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TPWW's Glass Ceiling
Posts: 5,793
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Moments later,RVD fell for the old "You've got something on
your shirt" rib... Rico just stood there and took it; he was used to being f***ed over by the WWE.... Rico: "I love you man!!!" Heidenreich: "But your STILL not getting my Bud Light" Realizing that RAW was just seconds away from going off the air,Foley decided to beat the traffic....
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12-18-2003, 05:55 AM
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#30 | |
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Posts: 18,357
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12-18-2003, 12:43 PM
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#31 |
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FIT Challenge Slag People
Posts: 13,816
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The crowd ate this up. The cocky heels were showing off their belts in front of the entire locker room. Only problem? This wasn't scripted. Jericho was ready. Once the Vampire Trish had drunk of his blood, he too would be immortal... CHRISTIAN: How you doin', Mister Lefty? MR. LEFTY: Oh, I'm just fine. CHRISTIAN:  BISCHOFF: So...you're the one who's being held down, right? JERICHO: Dur! If you can snatch the extreme pebble from my hand, you too can be a hardcore legend, young grasshoppa. Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia! You'd be making that face too if your ribcage was about to pop out of your chest. Goldberg was confused. He walked in on Rene Dupree telling Coach about the night he spent at the Paris Hilton, and then there went Jonny. Goldberg could only ask "Puh?" (I love that sign!) Goldberg howls in pain after the American flag breaks loose from the rafters and embeds itself elbow-deep in his arm. DAVE: Look, Shawn! All my joints are at right angles! SHAWN: What about your left leg? DAVE: Merde! Ric needed a little help hitting the high notes. Batista couldn't help but feel that somewhere else in that building, someone else was doing the exact same thing he was. SHAWN: No no no, my friend. It is YOU who is the homo! Jon knew he SHOULD have been disgusted. So many conflicting feelings... Ah, you only live once! Y2J: Greetings, Woloc! TRISH: Shut up. Y2J: Must...grab...ropes. Hey, this rope is kinda small... KANE: Shut up. KANE: How's this rope?!? Huh? Is it long enough for ya? Huh? KANE: Uh...your roots are showing. This was uncomfortable. Mick had made the rounds. First he shook Rhyno's hand. Now Bubba's... At the sight of an Evolution member not named Hunter holding a WWE belt, the universe imploded. The fans were confused. What gimmick was Mick coming out in? He was wearing a Mankind shirt under a Cactus Jack flannel, but he was walking like Crippled Hobo! ERIC: Okay, so let me get this straight. The third little piggy had roast beef, but the fourth had none? ORTON: Guess what song I'm doing. Doo do doo do doooooo da doo doo! MICK: I just wanna get to my car... Goodbye, homeless stranger! May the cold bring you more luck than it has us! |
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12-18-2003, 03:45 PM
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#32 |
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Guest
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[QUOTE=loopydate]
ERIC: Okay, so let me get this straight. The third little piggy had roast beef, but the fourth had none?[QUOTE] OMG LOOPY, that is one of my all-time favorives. LMAO
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12-18-2003, 04:13 PM
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#33 | |
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Guest
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Loose Cannon's music hits and out walks Cannon carrying El Santo's World Title that he stole from him last week after a brutal attack. J.R. "Well what do you think this nut has to say this week King." King. "I hope he apoligizes to El Santo and gives him back what is rightfully his." J.R. "How can he do that King, Corkscrewed has buried El Santo alive and killed him remember." King, "Oh we're actually continuing storylines from the week before?" Cannon grabs the mic: You know I've done a lot of thinking over the last week and I have come to a revelation. I've asked myself, who my enemies are right now and I've come to the conclusion that my only real enemies are the Stupid NOOBS. I know now that the Caption Crew were doing what was right in trying to eliminate all the Stupid NOOBS from the captioning world. So I am asking the Caption Crew to come out here so I can give this belt back to its rightful owner, Corkscrewed. Corkscrewed eliminated that Stupid NOOB, El Santo and for that he derserves the World Title. I also heard Loopy's comments before and he's right, it is getting harder to tell who's side everyone is on. So I am going to take a side once and for all and ask the Caption Crew if they want a new member, me Caption Crew's music hits and out comes the three official members J.R. "BAH GAWD King what a shocker. Loose Cannon is handing the World Title over to Corkscrewed and asking for a spot in the Crew. King, "What will the Caption Crew do." Last edited by Loose Cannon; 12-18-2003 at 06:12 PM. |
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12-18-2003, 08:59 PM
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#34 |
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Ben E. Hana
Posts: 710
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Just a question. Whos on what side?
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12-18-2003, 10:54 PM
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#35 |
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Now. Here. Man.
Posts: 8,370
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*Nowhere Man wanted to join the rest of the Caption Crew in welcoming Loose Cannon into their faction, but he was nowhere to be seen for weeks. Not long later, reports are scattered that he's somewhere in Cleveland, but he's suffering from amnesia and believes that he's an old sea captain.
Needless to say, the bright yellow raincoat clashed with his purple glittered Stormtrooper helmet, but such was the life of the sea-farin' man. The other captioneers found their long lost comerade helping out a ragtag band of homeless people, but are unable to snap him out of his delerium. So the Caption Crew moves on, minus one mighty soul who will be forever Lost....In Cleveland* |
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12-19-2003, 03:10 AM
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#36 |
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FIT Challenge Slag People
Posts: 13,816
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The shortest scene ever: by loopydate
LOOSE CANNON: Can I join the Caption Crew? LOOPYDATE: Sure. ROLL CREDITS |
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Linear Mode
