So as not to bump old threads...

[loopydate]

...I'm creating this thread to post captions from the week I missed when I was on Spring Break. I'm working in reverse chronological order.

SmackDown! (3/11/04)



CENA: Yo yo yoyoYOYO! If y'all ca--
FAN: Hey, John! Your wristband looks like poo!
CENA: Sir, that's entirely uncalled for. I would appreciate an apology.



John makes a mental note ("Buy Selsun Blue").



In the background, Matt Morgan stifles a chuckle. He couldn't believe Noble still hadn't figured out that he'd shaved "Sheep ****er" in the back of his hair.



Rey picked an inopportune time to perform a cartwheel.

...funeral arrangements are being made.



Worst. DDT. Ever.



The ref was puzzled. It sure LOOKED like Tajiri had given Richards a lowblow, but...he couldn't be sure.



AKIO (thinking): Hmm... Who knew my bicep was so delicious?



Rey and Jamie's "Well-Endowed-Man-Celebrating" costume would have been more convincing if Rey was facing the right way.



EDDIE: Arriba la ra--
FAN: Hey, Eddie! Where's your mullet?
EDDIE:



KURT: Come, Brock. Come to the Plane-arium. The Plane-arium will give you all the knowledge you need to be a professional football player.
BROCK: Don't you mean Planetarium?
KURT: Yes. I said Plane-arium.



EDDIE: Hey, Shelton! Let's do the Poetry in Motion!
SHELTON: Okay...
BELTY: No, Shelton, it's a trap!
EDDIE: Hee hee hee...



Oh, I get it! Charlie Haas is giving us a rebus to describe Rock's upcoming Wrestlemania performance. Okay. "Russ." "T." "Russ T." "Rusty!"



SHOW: I! HATE! SEVENS!



WWE's experiment with running filters over their TV feeds to make them look more grainy, and therefore "classier" was a resounding failure.



MUSIC: Wwwwwwwwwehhhhhll... It's the Big Sh--
FAN: Hey, Big Show! Hulk Hogan called! He wants his mustache back!
SHOW:



RIKISHI: Hehe... My left tit is bigger than your head.
SCOTTY: That's gross, dude...



DOUG: Okay, be honest. I look cooler when I'm slouching and wearing my Russian WWE hat, right?



DOUG: How does Kurt do this and make it look so cool...?



When Paul fell asleep mid-promo, the SmackDown superstars held an informal meeting to try to decide on a course of action.



BROCK: Show! You bought me a Power Wheels! You're my bestest friend in the whole wide world!



GUIDE: And, if you'll look to the top of the ramp, we should see the arrival of an idiotic, washed-up, asshole who has held on to his WWE career for five years too long.
RIKISHI: Hey, Billy, why are you looking down?
BILLY: 'Kish, if I wanted to see that, I'd just turn my head slightly to the right.



Steve "Mayor of San Francisco" Austin's new gimmick was met by resistance from the Bush administration.



STEVE: I now pronounce you homo and homo.
JR: BAH GAWD STUNNE--
TAZZ: What the hell are you doing on our show?



AUSTIN: Where's your wife...er...groom...?
SHOW: I ate him. What of it?



AUSTIN: You have an enormous kid head hanging from the right side of your goatee. Lemme get that for you...



PAUL: Oh, hey, when did you get a tattoo...?



BROCK: NOOOOOOOO! MY POWER WHEELS!



BROCK: YOU BIG MEANIE! BRING IT BACK!
PAUL: Let it go, Brock. It's done. Take a breath. You're going to pop that vein in your forehead.



PAUL: ...and I thought that was just an expression.



AUSTIN: So watch Wrestlemania XX, this Sunday night on PPV. This is Steve Austin saying "You're a homo!"



Once again...he's full.

[loopydate]

RAW (3/8/04)



The Three Faces of Jacobs DVD didn't sell quite as well.



Fortunately for the fans in the arena, Kane managed to catch the RPG shell before it destroyed the arena.



This wasn't the ideal place to set up his new massage business, but no one had the heart to tell him.



KANE (reading): "Property of the U.S. Government. Die, you multiracial liberal pantywaists!"



The text itself isn't what frightened Kane. It was the sound of a dentist's drill in the background.



Worst. Bulldog. Ever.



MARK: For the last time, I am NOT The Host from "Angel!"
RVD: I'm so stoned...



RVD: Dude, I just wanna feel your horns...
MARK: I'm not--



CHRIS: Sure, grandma. Of course I appreciate the present. Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm glad you remembered I'm a wrestler now. Oh...yeah...absolutely. Hulk Hogan is still the biggest star in wrestling. Yeah, no, this Hulkamania t-shirt is going to make me really popular...



RVD: Hey, Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat!



HURRICANE: So...did you see the rabbit?
ROCK: No. That dude's so stoned...
ROSEY: He wasn't even wearing a hat.



Moments later, the crowd got to see the first-ever Hurribamaslam.



MATT: Ha ha! I had my fingers crossed!
CHRIS: Then...*sniff*...you won't be my best friend?



CHRIS: So, yeah, there's a pressure point right here below the wrist.
SHAWN: I don't belie--GACK!



Well, that vase is far too skinny. You won't be able to put more than a single flower in it.



Lita was such an idiot. She tried to get out of the chokehold until Molly convinced her that her left forearm was a pull-up bar. Now, she thinks she's getting a good workout.



MOLLY: Wait, Lita! I'm not Molly! I'm...a purse!
LITA: Oh, wow! I have a new purse!



MOLLY: You don't need to raise a shoulder. That's not the referee counting you down. It's...the neighbors upstairs having sex!
LITA: Wow! Sounds like they're having fun.



VICTORIA: Hi. I'm Victoria, here to tell you about Q-Tip brand Gigantic Invisible Ear Swabs...



AUSTIN: Why do they call it a "pinky?" It's kinda...peachish.



Reptile wins. Fatality.



Y2J: There's something seriously wrong with this wheelbarrow...



STACY: I once caught a fish that was this big!
JACKIE: I smell like fish!
*Long, awkward pause.*



ROCK: What the--? Oh, right. You guys follow us around to tape what we do backstage. I forgot about that stuff...



Much to the delight of wrestling purists everywhere, Miss Jackie walked into the giant fan blades.



MICK: Okay, Rock, I know how much you like Ray Bradbury short stories, so I pulled some strings and got you--
ROCK: Don't tell me! My own Electric Grandmother?



ROCK: Okay, you can shoot orange juice out of your fingers and produce kite string from your wrists...I want some pancakes, but I'm afraid to ask you for them.



MICK: Yeah, and when I guest-starred on "He-Man"...I poked Tri-Klops right in the eye!



Snuka was interrupted mid-promo by the Bengal tiger leaping through his chest.



ROCK: Come on, Grandma! Get the tiger out of his chest!
GRANDMA: Hold on, dear. I'm re-charging...



ROCK: Willie Garson?!? The Rock LOVED you on "Celebrity Poker Challenge!"



Yet another guest of the WWE locker room fell for the old "I bet I can eat more marshmallows than you" gag.



ROCK: Hey what's that sme--? MICK!



When Mick Foley got a wedgie, the whole locker room would come out to help.



Worst. Bearhug. Ever.



VENDOR: Metamucil!
FLAIR: Over here!



Rock, as is to be expected, missed his diving headbutt on Richards.



MICK: Oh, yeah. This is why I retired...



Team Cartwheel celebrates another victory.

[ilt_undertaker]

[Corkscrewed]

LMAO! Started off slow, but the RAW set got pretty hot.